Traditional courtship in the Philippines is described as a "far more subdued and indirect"
asiandatingzone.com approach compared to
Western
Western may refer to:
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*Western, New York, a town in the US
*Western Creek, Tasmania, a locality in Australia
*Western Junction, Tasmania, a locality in Australia
*Western world, countries that id ...
or
Westernized
Westernization (or Westernisation), also Europeanisation or occidentalization (from the ''Occident''), is a process whereby societies come under or adopt Western culture in areas such as industry, technology, science, education, politics, econo ...
cultures. It involves "phases" or "stages" inherent to
Philippine society
The culture of the Philippines is characterized by cultural diversity. Although the multiple ethnic groups of the Philippine archipelago have only recently established a shared Filipino national identity, their cultures were all shaped by the ...
and
culture
Culture () is an umbrella term which encompasses the social behavior, institutions, and norms found in human societies, as well as the knowledge, beliefs, arts, laws, customs, capabilities, and habits of the individuals in these groups ...
.
[Alegre, Edilberto]
''Tuksuhan, Ligawan: Courtship in Philippine Culture, Tagalog Love Words (An Essay), Our loving ways''
seasite.niu.edu Evident in courtship
Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage. Courtship traditionally may begin after a betrothal and may conclude with the celebration of marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private m ...
in the Philippines
The Philippines (; fil, Pilipinas, links=no), officially the Republic of the Philippines ( fil, Republika ng Pilipinas, links=no),
* bik, Republika kan Filipinas
* ceb, Republika sa Pilipinas
* cbk, República de Filipinas
* hil, Republ ...
is the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving.[ This respect extends to the Filipina's family members. The proper rules and standards in traditional Filipino courtship are set by Philippine society.]
General overview
Often, a Filipino male
Filipinos ( tl, Mga Pilipino) are the people who are citizens of or native to the Philippines. The majority of Filipinos today come from various Austronesian ethnolinguistic groups, all typically speaking either Filipino, English and/or other ...
suitor expresses his interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly manner in order to avoid being perceived as very "presumptuous or aggressive" or arrogant.[ Although having a series of friendly ]date
Date or dates may refer to:
*Date (fruit), the fruit of the date palm (''Phoenix dactylifera'')
Social activity
*Dating, a form of courtship involving social activity, with the aim of assessing a potential partner
** Group dating
*Play date, a ...
s is the normal starting point in the Filipino way of courting, this may also begin through the process of "teasing", a process of "pairing off" a potential teenage or adult couple. The ''teasing'' is done by peers or friends of the couple being matched. The teasing practice assists in his teasing phase actually helps in circumventing such an embarrassing predicament because formal courtship has not yet officially started can also have as many suitors, from which she could choose the man that she finally would want to date. Dating couples are expected to be conservative and not perform public displays of affection for each other. Traditionally, some courtship may last a number of years before the Filipino woman accepts her suitor as a boyfriend.[''Courtship in the Philippines Today'']
SarahGats's Blog, sarahgats.wordpress.com, March 29, 2009 Conservativeness, together with repressing emotions and affection, was inherited by the Filipino woman from the colonial period under the Spaniards, a characteristic referred to as the ''Maria Clara'' attitude.[
After the girlfriend-boyfriend; '' pamamanhikan'' is known as ''tampa'' or ''danon'' to the ]Ilocanos
The Ilocanos ( ilo, Tattao nga Iloko/), Ilokanos, or Iloko people are the third largest Filipino ethnolinguistic group and mostly reside within the Ilocos Region in the northwestern seaboard of Luzon, Philippines. The native language of the Ilo ...
, as ''pasaguli'' to the Palaweños, and as ''kapamalai'' to the Maranao
The Maranao people (Maranao: mәranaw Filipino: ''Maranaw''), also spelled Meranao, Maranaw, and Mëranaw, is the term used by the Philippine government to refer to the southern indigenous people who are the "people of the lake", a predomi ...
s[''Love and Romance Filipino Style'']
an
: ''The Betrothal House (Ifugao, Mountain Province)'', ''Courtship Through Poetry and Song (Ilocos province)'', ''The Eve of the Wedding (Province of Batangas)'', ''The Formal Proposal (Province of Cebu)'', ''Bride Service (Province of Leyte)'', ''The Wedding (Tausug)'', livinginthephilippines.com). This is where and when the man and his parents formally ask the lady's hand[ and blessings from her parents in order to ]marry
Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between t ...
. This is when the formal introduction of the man's parents and woman's parents happens. Apart from presents, the Cebuano version of the ''pamamanhikan'' includes bringing in musicians.[ After setting the date of the wedding and the dowry,][ the couple is considered officially engaged.][ The dowry, as a norm in the Philippines, is provided by the groom's family.][ For the Filipino people, marriage is a union of two families, not just of two persons. Therefore, marrying well "enhances the good name" of both families.][
]
Other courtship practices
Tagalog and Ilocos regions
Apart from the general background explained above, there are other similar and unique courting practices adhered to by Filipinos in other different regions of the Philippine archipelago. In the island of Luzon
Luzon (; ) is the largest and most populous island in the Philippines. Located in the northern portion of the Philippines archipelago, it is the economic and political center of the nation, being home to the country's capital city, Manila, as ...
, the Ilocanos also perform serenading, known to them as ''tapat''[ (literally, "to be in front of" the home of the courted woman), which is similar to the ''harana''][ and also to the '']balagtasan
''Balagtasan'' is a Filipino form of debate done in verse. Derived from the name of Francisco Balagtas, this art presents a type of literature in which thoughts or reasoning are expressed through speech.
The first balagtasan took place in th ...
'' of the Tagalogs
The Tagalog people ( tl, Mga Tagalog; Baybayin: ᜋᜅ ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔) are the largest ethnolinguistic group in the Philippines, numbering at around 30 million. An Austronesian people, the Tagalog have a well developed society due to their ...
. The suitor begins singing a romantic song, then the courted lady responds by singing too.[ In reality, Harana is a musical exchange of messages which can be about waiting or loving or just saying no. The suitor initiates, the lady responds. As the Pamamaalam stage sets in, the suitor sings one last song and the haranistas disappear in the night.
''Rooster courtship'' is also another form of courting in Luzon. In this type of courtship, the rooster is assigned that task of being a " middleman", a "negotiator", or a "go-between", wherein the male chicken is left to stay in the home of the courted to crow every single morning for the admired lady's family.][
In the province of ]Bulacan
Bulacan, officially the Province of Bulacan ( tl, Lalawigan ng Bulacan), is a province in the Philippines located in the Central Luzon region. Its capital is the city of Malolos. Bulacan was established on August 15, 1578, and part of the Me ...
in Central Luzon
Central Luzon ( pam, (Reyun ning) Kalibudtarang Luzon, pag, (Rehiyon na) Pegley na Luzon, tgl, (Rehiyon ng) Gitnang Luzon, ilo, (Rehion/Deppaar ti) Tengnga ti Luzon), designated as Region III, is an administrative region in the Philippines, ...
, the Bulaqueños have a kind of courtship known as the ''naninilong'' (from the Tagalog word ''silong'' or "basement"). At midnight, the suitor goes beneath the nipa hut
The ''bahay kubo'', also known as ''payag'' (Nipon) in the Visayan languages and, is a type of stilt house indigenous to the Philippines. It often serves as an icon of Philippine culture. The house is exclusive to the lowland population of ...
, a house that is elevated by bamboo
Bamboos are a diverse group of evergreen perennial flowering plants making up the subfamily Bambusoideae of the grass family Poaceae. Giant bamboos are the largest members of the grass family. The origin of the word "bamboo" is uncertain, ...
poles, then prickles the admired woman by using a pointed object. Once the prickling caught the attention of the sleeping lady, the couple would be conversing in whispers.[
The ]Ifugao
Ifugao, officially the Province of Ifugao ( ilo, Probinsia ti Ifugao; tl, Lalawigan ng Ifugao), is a landlocked province of the Philippines in the Cordillera Administrative Region in Luzon. Its capital is Lagawe and it borders Benguet to the ...
of northern Luzon practices a courtship called ''ca-i-sing'' (this practice is known as the ''ebgan'' to the Kalinga Kalinga may refer to:
Geography, linguistics and/or ethnology
* Kalinga (historical region), a historical region of India
** Kalinga (Mahabharata), an apocryphal kingdom mentioned in classical Indian literature
** Kalinga script, an ancient writ ...
tribes and as ''pangis'' to the Tingguian tribes), wherein males and females are separated into "houses". The house for the Filipino males is called the Ato, while the house for Filipino females is known as the ''olog'' or ''agamang''. The males visit the females in the ''olog'' – the "betrothal house" – to sing romantic songs. The females reply to these songs also through singing. The ongoing courtship ritual is overseen by a married elder or a childless widow who keeps the parents of the participating males and females well informed of the progress of the courtship process.[
After the courtship process, the Batangueños of ]Batangas
Batangas, officially the Province of Batangas ( tl, Lalawigan ng Batangas ), is a province in the Philippines located in the Calabarzon region on Luzon. Its capital is the city of Batangas, and is bordered by the provinces of Cavite and La ...
has a peculiar tradition performed on the eve of the wedding. A procession, composed of the groom's mother, father, relatives, godfathers, godmothers, bridesmaids
Bridesmaids are members of the bride's party in a Western traditional wedding ceremony. A bridesmaid is typically a young woman and often a close friend or relative. She attends to the bride on the day of a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditi ...
, and groomsmen
A groomsman or usher is one of the male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony and performs the first speech at the wedding. Usually, the groom selects close friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be s ...
, occurs. Their purpose is to bring the cooking ingredients for the celebration to the bride's home, where refreshments await them. When they are in the half process of the courtship, they are forced to make a baby[
]
Pangasinan region
In Pangasinan, the Pangasinenses utilizes the ''taga-amo'', which literally means "tamer", a form of love potions or charms which can be rubbed to the skin of the admired. It can also be in the form of drinkable potions. The suitor may also resort to the use of ''palabas'', meaning show or drama
Drama is the specific mode of fiction represented in performance: a play, opera, mime, ballet, etc., performed in a theatre, or on radio or television.Elam (1980, 98). Considered as a genre of poetry in general, the dramatic mode has b ...
, wherein the Filipino woman succumbs to revealing her love to her suitor, who at one time will pretend or act as if he will be committing suicide if the lady does not divulge her true feelings.[
]
Apayao region
The Apayao
Apayao, officially the Province of Apayao ( ilo, Probinsia ti Apayao; fil, Lalawigan ng Apayao), is a landlocked province in the Philippines in the Cordillera Administrative Region in Luzon. Kabugao serves as its capital. The provincial capit ...
s allow the practice of sleeping together during the night. This is known as liberal courtship or in the vernacular. This form of courting assists in assessing the woman's feeling for her lover.[
]
Palawan region
In Palawan
Palawan (), officially the Province of Palawan ( cyo, Probinsya i'ang Palawan; tl, Lalawigan ng Palawan), is an archipelagic province of the Philippines that is located in the region of Mimaropa. It is the largest province in the country in t ...
, the Palaweños or Palawanons perform courtship through the use of love riddle
A riddle is a statement, question or phrase having a double or veiled meaning, put forth as a puzzle to be solved. Riddles are of two types: ''enigmas'', which are problems generally expressed in metaphorical or allegorical language that requ ...
s. This is known as the . The purpose of the love riddles is to assess the sentiments of the parents of both suitor and admirer. After this "riddle courtship", the discussion proceeds to the (can also be spelled ), to settle the price or form of the dowry
A dowry is a payment, such as property or money, paid by the bride's family to the groom or his family at the time of marriage. Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price or bride service is a payment ...
that will be received by the courted woman from the courting man.[
]
Visayas region
When courting, the Cebuanos
The Cebuano people ( ceb, Mga Sugbuanon) are the largest subgroup of the larger Ethnic groups in the Philippines, ethnolingustic group Visayans, who constitute the largest Ethnic groups in the Philippines, Filipino ethnolinguistic group in the ...
also resort to serenading, which is known locally as . They also write love letters that are sent via a trusted friend or a relative of the courted woman. Presents are not only given to the woman being courted, but also to her relatives. Similar to the practice in the Pangasinan region, as mentioned above, the Cebuanos also use love potions to win the affection of the Filipino woman.[
People from ]Leyte
Leyte ( ) is an island in the Visayas group of islands in the Philippines. It is eighth-largest and sixth-most populous island in the Philippines, with a total population of 2,626,970 as of 2020 census.
Since the accessibility of land has be ...
performs the [ or or "servitude",][ instead of paying a form of dowry][ during the courtship period. In this form of courting, the Filipino suitor accomplishes household and farm chores for the family of the Filipino woman. The service normally lasts for approximately a year before the man and woman can get married.][ The Tagalogs of Luzon also refers to this courtship custom as meaning "being of service", but is also referred to as meaning a trial or test period for the serving suitor. The Bicolanos of Luzon's Bicol region, call this custom as the .][ The practice of performing paninilbihan, throwing the rice over bride and groom for prosperity, paying dowry, visiting a shrine to pray for fertility, etc. are among strong traces of continuity of Hindu influence in Philippines,][Cecilio D. Duka, 2008]
Struggle for Freedom
Rex Bookstore
Rex Bookstore, Inc. (RBSI) is an educational book publisher and bookstore chain in the Philippines. It was incorporated in 1950 and established branches in the provincial cities of Angeles City, Bacolod, Baguio, Basco, Cabanatuan, Cagayan de Oro ...
, p. 35. even the term ''"asawa"'' (from swami
Swami ( ; sometimes abbreviated sw.) in Hinduism is an honorific title given to a male or female ascetic who has chosen the path of renunciation (''sanyāsa''), or has been initiated into a religious monastic order of Vaishnavas. It is used eit ...
in sanskrit
Sanskrit (; attributively , ; nominally , , ) is a classical language belonging to the Indo-Aryan branch of the Indo-European languages. It arose in South Asia after its predecessor languages had diffused there from the northwest in the late ...
) for the spouse is a loan word from the Indian language sanskrit.[M.c. Halili, 2004]
Philippine History
Rex Bookstore
Rex Bookstore, Inc. (RBSI) is an educational book publisher and bookstore chain in the Philippines. It was incorporated in 1950 and established branches in the provincial cities of Angeles City, Bacolod, Baguio, Basco, Cabanatuan, Cagayan de Oro ...
, p. 49.
Mindanao region
Reckless courtship, known in the vernacular as , , or , is practiced by the Tausog people of Mindanao. Similar to the version practiced in Luzon island, a suitor would threaten to stab his heart while in front of the courted woman's father. If the father of the woman refuses to give his daughter's hand to the suitor, the suitor is smitten by a knife.[
The Bagobo, on the other hand, sends a knife or a spear as a gift to the home of the courted woman for inspection. Accepting the weapon is equivalent to accepting the Filipino man's romantic intention and advances.][
Pre-arranged marriages and ]betrothal
An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself (which is typically but not always commenced with a wedding). During this period, a couple is said to be ''fi ...
s are common to Filipino Muslims. These formal engagements are arranged by the parents of men and the women. This also involves discussions regarding the price and the form of the dowry.[ The Tausog people proclaims that a wedding, a celebration or announcement known as the ''pangalay'', will occur by playing percussive musical instruments such as the ''gabbang'', the '']kulintang
Kulintang ( id, kolintang, ms, kulintangan)
is a modern term for an ancient instrumental form of music composed on a row of small, horizontally laid gongs that function melodically, accompanied by larger, suspended gongs and drums. As part of ...
'', and the ''agong
The Yang di-Pertuan Agong (, Jawi: ), also known as the Supreme Head of the Federation, the Paramount Ruler or simply as the Agong, and unofficially as the King of Malaysia, is the constitutional monarch and head of state of Malaysia. The of ...
''. The wedding is officiated by an Imam. Readings from the Quran
The Quran (, ; Standard Arabic: , Quranic Arabic: , , 'the recitation'), also romanized Qur'an or Koran, is the central religious text of Islam, believed by Muslims to be a revelation from God. It is organized in 114 chapters (pl.: , s ...
is a part of the ceremony, as well as the placement of the groom's fingerprint
A fingerprint is an impression left by the friction ridges of a human finger. The recovery of partial fingerprints from a crime scene is an important method of forensic science. Moisture and grease on a finger result in fingerprints on surfac ...
over the bride's forehead.[
]
19th-century Hispanic Philippines
During the 19th century in Spanish Philippines
Spanish might refer to:
* Items from or related to Spain:
**Spaniards are a nation and ethnic group indigenous to Spain
**Spanish language, spoken in Spain and many Latin American countries
**Spanish cuisine
Other places
* Spanish, Ontario, Cana ...
, there was a set of body language
Body language is a type of communication in which physical behaviors, as opposed to words, are used to express or convey information. Such behavior includes facial expressions, body posture, gestures, eye movement, touch and the use of space. Th ...
expressed by courted women to communicate with their suitors. These are non-verbal cues which Ambeth Ocampo
Ambeth R. Ocampo (born 1961 in Manila) is a Filipino public historian, academic, cultural administrator, journalist, author, and independent curator. He is best known for his definitive writings about Philippines' national hero José Rizal and o ...
referred to as " fan language". These are called as such because the woman conveys her messages through silent movements that involve a hand-held fan. Examples of such speechless communication are as follows: a courted woman covering half of her face would like her suitor to follow her; counting the ribs of the folding fan sends out a message that the lady would like to have a conversation with her admirer; holding the fan using the right hand would mean the woman is willing to have a boyfriend, while carrying the fan with the left hand signifies that she already has a lover and thus no longer available; fanning vigorously symbolizes that the lady has deep feelings for a gentleman, while fanning slowly tells that the woman courted does not have any feelings for the suitor; putting the fan aside signals that the lady does not want to be wooed by the man; and the abrupt closing of a fan means the woman dislikes the man.[Ocampo, Ambeth R]
''Fan Language''
''Looking Back'', Philippine Daily Inquirer, February 2, 2005, page 13, news.google.com
Modern-day influences
Through the liberalism
Liberalism is a political and moral philosophy based on the rights of the individual, liberty, consent of the governed, political equality and equality before the law."political rationalism, hostility to autocracy, cultural distaste for c ...
of modern-day Filipinos, there have been modifications of courtship that are milder than that in the West. Present-day Filipino courtship, as in the traditional form, also starts with the "teasing stage" conducted by friends. Introductions and meetings between prospective couples are now done through a common friend or whilst attending a party.[ Modern technology has also become a part of present-day courting practises. Romantic conversations between both parties are now through ]cellular phones
A mobile phone, cellular phone, cell phone, cellphone, handphone, hand phone or pocket phone, sometimes shortened to simply mobile, cell, or just phone, is a portable telephone that can make and receive calls over a radio frequency link while ...
– particularly through texting messages – and the internet
The Internet (or internet) is the global system of interconnected computer networks that uses the Internet protocol suite (TCP/IP) to communicate between networks and devices. It is a '' network of networks'' that consists of private, pub ...
.[ Parents, however, still prefer that their daughters be formally courted within the confines of the home, done out of respect to the father and mother of the single woman. Although a present-day Filipina wants to encourage a man to court her or even initiate the relationship,][ it is still traditionally "inappropriate" for a suitor to introduce himself to an admired woman, or vice versa, while on the street. Servitude and serenading are no longer common, but avoidance of pre-marital sex is still valued.][
Other than the so-called modern Philippine courtship through texting and social media, there is another modern style that is not widely discussed in public discourse: North American pickup as documented by ]Neil Strauss
Neil Darrow Strauss, also known by the pen names Style and Chris Powles, is an American author, journalist and ghostwriter. He is best known for his book '' The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists'', in which he describes his ...
in his book '' The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists''. While there exist a few local companies that offer pickup training, it remains to be seen whether these methods will even gain widespread acceptance since these methods, along with the paradigm from which they are rooted, flout the values
In ethics and social sciences, value denotes the degree of importance of something or action, with the aim of determining which actions are best to do or what way is best to live (normative ethics in ethics), or to describe the significance of di ...
of most Filipinos.
See also
*Dap-ay
A dap-ay ( Kankanaey and Applai), ato, or ator (Bontoc) is a paved raised ceremonial platform ringed with stone seats and with a central fireplace among the Cordilleran cultures in the northern Philippines. It primarily serves as a venue for mee ...
* Sumpong
*Marriage and wedding customs in the Philippines
Traditional marriage customs in the Philippines and Filipino wedding practices pertain to the characteristics of marriage and wedding traditions established and adhered by them Filipino men and women in the Philippines after a period of adopti ...
* Sexuality in the Philippines
References
{{DEFAULTSORT:Courtship In The Philippines
Dating
Marriage, unions and partnerships in the Philippines
Sexuality in the Philippines