An intimate relationship is an
interpersonal relationship
The concept of interpersonal relationship involves social associations, connections, or affiliations between two or more people. Interpersonal relationships vary in their degree of intimacy or self-disclosure, but also in their duration, in t ...
that involves
physical or
emotional intimacy.
Although an intimate relationship is commonly a sexual relationship,
it may also be a non-sexual relationship involving family, friends, or acquaintances.
Emotional intimacy involves feelings of closeness, relatedness, and vulnerability. This concept has been proven to be an essential aspect for a healthy relationship. Once deeper feelings of
liking or
loving one or more people arise, it may result in physical intimacy. However, emotional intimacy may or may not be present in physical intimacy depending on the depth of the relationship. Physical intimacy is characterized by
romantic love
Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.
The ''Wiley Blackwell Ency ...
,
sexual activity
Human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. People engage in a variety of sexual acts, ranging from activities done alone (e.g., masturbation) ...
, or other passionate attachment.
These relationships play a central role in the overall human experience.
[Miller, Rowland & Perlman, Daniel (2008). ''Intimate Relationships (5th ed.)''. McGraw-Hill. ] Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship.
[Perlman, D. (2007)]
The best of times, the worst of times: The place of close relationships in psychology and our daily lives
''Canadian Psychology'', 48, 7–18. Such relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments.
Intimacy
Intimacy involves the
feeling of being in a close, personal association and belonging together.
It is a familiar and very close affective
connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other.
Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires
dialogue,
transparency,
vulnerability
Vulnerability refers to "the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally."
A window of vulnerability (WOV) is a time frame within which defensive measures are diminished, com ...
, and
reciprocity.
Dalton (1959) discussed how
anthropologists
An anthropologist is a person engaged in the practice of anthropology. Anthropology is the study of aspects of humans within past and present societies. Social anthropology, cultural anthropology and philosophical anthropology study the norms and ...
and
ethnographic
Ethnography (from Greek ''ethnos'' "folk, people, nation" and ''grapho'' "I write") is a branch of anthropology and the systematic study of individual cultures. Ethnography explores cultural phenomena from the point of view of the subject ...
researchers access "inside information" from within a particular cultural setting by establishing networks of intimates capable (and willing) to provide information unobtainable through formal channels.
In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between
relationships.
In anthropological research, intimacy is considered the product of a successful
seduction
Seduction has multiple meanings. Platonically, it can mean "to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty", or "to lead astray, usually by persuasion or false promises".
Strategies of seduction include conversation and sexual scripts, paralingual ...
, a process of rapport building that enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for "confidences" (secret knowledge) that bind people together.
Sexual relations and moments of intimacy decline significantly after delivering a newborn.
Extreme sleep deprivation was the most common response from women on why they are less sexually active with their spouse.
Due to the lack of sleep and obligations of taking care of the baby, sexual intimacy becomes a less significant priority.
Women viewed themselves as being unattractive, not because their spouse expressed this, but they are uncomfortable with their appearance of their changed body.
Only 5% of partners stated that their sexual relations were more frequent post childbirth. Some women viewed it as important for their marriage regardless of their level of desire.
A breast-feeding mother forms a strong emotional bond between her and baby. Many times, the mother’s emotional needs are met through this experience.
This can cause the husband to feel less connected to his wife.
Sustaining intimacy for a length of time involves well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy involves the ability to be both separate and together as participants in an intimate relationship.
Murray Bowen
Murray Bowen (; January 31, 1913, in Waverly, Tennessee – October 9, 1990) was an American psychiatrist and a professor in psychiatry at Georgetown University. Bowen was among the pioneers of family therapy and a noted founder of systemic ther ...
called this "self-differentiation", which results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict and intense loyalty. Lacking the ability to differentiate oneself from the other is a form of
symbiosis, a state that is different from intimacy, even if feelings of closeness are similar.
Intimate behavior joins family members and close friends, as well as those
in love.
It evolves through reciprocal
self-disclosure Self-disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative, and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, ...
and
candor
Candor or candour may refer to:
* Candor or parrhesia, the quality of speaking candidly in rhetoric
* ''Candour'' (magazine), a British far-right magazine
* "Candour", a song by Neck Deep from their 2014 album '' Wishful Thinking''
* Duty of c ...
.
Poor skills in developing intimacy can lead to getting too close too quickly; struggling to find the boundary and to sustain connection; being poorly skilled as a friend, rejecting self-disclosure or even rejecting friendships and those who have them.
Psychological consequences of intimacy problems are found in adults who have difficulty in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. Individuals often experience the human limitations of their partners, and develop a fear of adverse consequences of disrupted intimate relationships. Studies show that
fear of intimacy
Fear of intimacy is generally a social phobia and anxiety disorder resulting in difficulty forming close relationships with another person. The term can also refer to a scale on a psychometric test, or a type of adult in attachment theory psychol ...
is negatively related to comfort with emotional closeness and with relationship satisfaction, and positively related to loneliness and trait anxiety.
The interdependence model of Levinger and Snoek divides the development of an intimate relationship into four stages: the first one is the zero contact stage, in which is no contact between the two parties in the relationship; The second stage is awareness, which means the parties don't have any superficial or deep contact with each other, but only know each other; The third stage is surface contact, in which both parties know each other and have had superficial contact; The fourth stage of coexistence phase (mutuality), refers to mutual dependence having greatly increased, as well as deep contact existing.
Scholars distinguish between different forms of intimacy, including
physical,
emotional,
cognitive, or
spiritual intimacy:
* Physical intimacy can include being inside someone's
personal space
Proxemics is the study of human use of space and the effects that population density has on behaviour, communication, and social interaction.
Proxemics is one among several subcategories in the study of nonverbal communication, including haptics ...
,
holding hands
Holding hands is a form of physical intimacy involving two or more people. It may or may not be romantic.
Cultural aspects
In Western culture, spouses and romantic couples often hold hands as a sign of affection or to express psychological ...
,
hug
A hug is a form of endearment, universal in most human communities, in which two or more people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and hold each other closely. If more than two people are involved, it may be referre ...
ging,
kiss
A kiss is the touch or pressing of one's lips against another person or an object. Cultural connotations of kissing vary widely. Depending on the culture and context, a kiss can express sentiments of love, passion, romance, sexual attraction, ...
ing,
heavy petting, or other
sexual activity
Human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. People engage in a variety of sexual acts, ranging from activities done alone (e.g., masturbation) ...
.
* Emotional intimacy, particularly in sexual relationships, typically develops after a certain level of
trust
Trust often refers to:
* Trust (social science), confidence in or dependence on a person or quality
It may also refer to:
Business and law
* Trust law, a body of law under which one person holds property for the benefit of another
* Trust (bus ...
has been reached and
personal bonds have been established.
The emotional connection of "falling in love", however, has both a biochemical dimension driven through reactions in the body stimulated by sexual attraction (PEA,
phenylethylamine), and a social dimension driven by "talk" that follows from regular physical closeness or sexual union.
Love
Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love o ...
is an important factor in emotional intimacy. It is qualitatively and quantitatively different from
liking, and the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of
sexual attraction
Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest. Sexual attractiveness or sex appeal is an individual's ability to attract other people sexually, and is a factor in sexual selection or ma ...
. There are three types of love in a relationship:
passionate love,
companionate love, and
sacrificial love. Sacrificial love reflects the subsumption of the individual self will within a union. Companionate love involves diminished potent feelings of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual commitment, the profound feeling of mutual caring, feeling proud of a mate's accomplishments, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective. In contrast, passionate love is marked by infatuation, intense preoccupation with the partner, throes of ecstasy, and feelings of exhilaration that come from being reunited with the partner.
* Cognitive or intellectual intimacy takes place when two people exchange thoughts, share ideas and enjoy similarities and differences between their opinions.
* Spiritual intimacy involves bonding over spirituality.
Research
Empirical research
The use of empirical investigations in 1898 was a major revolution in
social analysis.
A study conducted by Monroe examined the
traits and
habits
A habit (or wont as a humorous and formal term) is a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously. of
children in selecting a
friend
Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an "acquaintance" or an "association", such as a classmate, neighbor, coworker, or colleague.
In some cultures, the concept of ...
. Some of the attributes included in the study were
kindness,
cheerfulness and
honesty
Honesty or truthfulness is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft ...
.
Monroe asked 2336 children aged 7 to 16 to identify "what kind of chum do you like best?" The results of the study indicated that children preferred a friend that was their own age, of the same sex, of the same physical size, a friend with light features (hair and eyes), friends that did not engage in
conflict
Conflict may refer to:
Arts, entertainment, and media
Films
* ''Conflict'' (1921 film), an American silent film directed by Stuart Paton
* ''Conflict'' (1936 film), an American boxing film starring John Wayne
* ''Conflict'' (1937 film) ...
, someone that was kind to animals and humans, and finally friends that were honest. Two characteristics that children reported as least important included wealth and religion.
The study by Monroe was the first to mark the significant shift in the study of intimate relationships from analysis that was primarily
philosophical
Philosophy (from , ) is the systematized study of general and fundamental questions, such as those about existence, reason, knowledge, values, mind, and language. Such questions are often posed as problems to be studied or resolved. Some ...
to those with
empirical validity.
This study is said to have finally marked the beginning of relationship science.
In the years following Monroe's study, very few similar studies were done. There were limited studies done on children's friendships,
courtship
Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage. Courtship traditionally may begin after a betrothal and may conclude with the celebration of marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private m ...
and
marriages
Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between ...
, and
families
Family (from la, familia) is a group of people related either by consanguinity (by recognized birth) or affinity (by marriage or other relationship). The purpose of the family is to maintain the well-being of its members and of society. Ideal ...
in the 1930s but few relationship studies were conducted before or during
World War II
World War II or the Second World War, often abbreviated as WWII or WW2, was a world war that lasted from 1939 to 1945. It involved the vast majority of the world's countries—including all of the great powers—forming two opposing ...
.
Intimate relationships did not become a broad focus of research again until the 1960s and 1970s when there was a vast number of relationship studies being published.
Other studies
The study of intimate relationships uses participants from diverse groups and examines a wide variety of topics that include family relations,
friendships
Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an "acquaintance" or an "association", such as a classmate, neighbor, coworker, or colleague.
In some cultures, the concept of ...
, and romantic relationships, usually over a long period.
Current study includes both positive and negative or unpleasant aspects of relationships.
Research being conducted by
John Gottman
John Mordechai Gottman (born April 26, 1942) is an American psychologist, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington. His work focuses on divorce prediction and marital stability through relationship analyses. The lessons d ...
(2010) and his colleagues involves inviting married couples into a pleasant setting, in which they revisit the disagreement that caused their last argument. Although the participants are aware that they are being videotaped, they soon become so absorbed in their own interaction that they forgot they were being recorded.
With the second-by-second analysis of observable reactions as well as emotional ones, Gottman is able to predict with 93% accuracy the fate of the couples' relationship.
Terri Orbuch and Joseph Veroff (2002) monitored
newlywed
Newlyweds are people who have recently entered into a marriage. The time frame during which a married couple is considered newlywed varies, but for social science research purposes it may be considered as up to six months into the marriage.Rebecc ...
couples using self-reports over a long period (a longitudinal study). Participants are required to provide extensive reports about the natures and the statuses of their relationships.
Although many of the marriages have ended since the beginning of the study, this type of relationship study allows researchers to track marriages from start to finish by conducting follow-up interviews with the participants in order to determine which factors are associated with marriages that last and which with those that do not.
Though the field of relationship science is still relatively young, research conducted by researchers from many different disciplines continues to broaden the field.
Evidence also points to the role of a number of contextual factors that can impact intimate relationships. In a recent study on the impact of Hurricane Katrina on marital and partner relationships, researchers found that while many reported negative changes in their relationships, a number also experienced positive changes. More specifically, the advent of Hurricane Katrina led to a number of environmental stressors (for example, unemployment, prolonged separation) that negatively impacted intimate relationships for many couples, though other couples' relationships grew stronger as a result of new employment opportunities, a greater sense of perspective, and higher levels of communication and support. As a result, environmental factors are also understood to contribute heavily to the strength of intimate relationships.
A Northwestern University research team summarized the literature in 2013, finding that "negative-affect reciprocity" – retaliatory negativity between partners during a conflict – is arguably the most robust predictor of poor marital quality. However, this degradation can be softened (according to their 120 heterosexual couple Chicago sample) by undertaking a reappraisal writing task every four months.
One study suggests that married straight couples and cohabiting gay and lesbian couples in long-term intimate relationships may pick up each other's unhealthy habits. The study reports three distinct findings showing how unhealthy habits are promoted in long-term intimate relationships: through the direct bad influence of one partner, through
synchronicity
Synchronicity (german: Synchronizität) is a concept first introduced by analytical psychologist Carl G. Jung "to describe circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection." In contemporary research, synchronicity e ...
of health habits, and through the notion of personal responsibility.
Some research indicates that
pornography is a possible source of education about sex and relationships. In the absence of inclusive
same-sex relationship education in traditional sources (i.e., schools, parents, friends, and mainstream media),
gay pornography
Gay pornography is the representation of sexual activity between males. Its primary goal is sexual arousal in its audience. Softcore gay pornography also exists; it at one time constituted the genre, and may be produced as beefcake pornogr ...
may be used by
men who have sex with men
Men who have sex with men (MSM) are male persons who engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex. The term was created in the 1990s by epidemiologists to study the spread of disease among all men who have sex with men, regardless of ...
as a source of information about intimacy, while serving its main purpose as a
masturbatory aid. A 2020 study indicated that gay pornography depicts both physical (kissing, cuddling, affectionate touch, and genital touch before and after sex) and verbal intimacy (compliments, personal disclosure, and expressions of care). Most forms of physical and verbal intimacy occurred before or during sex, with intimacy being least evident post-sex.
History
Ancient philosophers: Aristotle
Over 2,300 years ago,
interpersonal relationship
The concept of interpersonal relationship involves social associations, connections, or affiliations between two or more people. Interpersonal relationships vary in their degree of intimacy or self-disclosure, but also in their duration, in t ...
s were being contemplated by
Aristotle
Aristotle (; grc-gre, Ἀριστοτέλης ''Aristotélēs'', ; 384–322 BC) was a Greek philosopher and polymath during the Classical period in Ancient Greece. Taught by Plato, he was the founder of the Peripatetic school of ph ...
. He wrote: "One person is a friend to another if he is friendly to the other and the other is friendly to him in return" (Aristotle, 330 BC, trans. 1991, pp. 72–73). Aristotle believed that by nature humans are social beings.
Aristotle also suggested that relationships were based on three different ideas: utility, pleasure, and virtue. People are attracted to relationships that provide utility because of the assistance and sense of belonging that they provide. In relationships based on pleasure, people are attracted to the feelings of pleasantness when the parties engage. However, relationships based on utility and pleasure were said to be short-lived if the benefits provided by one of the partners were not reciprocated. Relationships based on virtue are built on an attraction to the others' virtuous character.
Aristotle also suggested that relationships based on virtue would be the longest lasting and that virtue-based relationships were the only type of relationship in which each partner was liked for themselves. The
philosophical analysis
Philosophical analysis is any of various techniques, typically used by philosophers in the analytic tradition, in order to "break down" (i.e. analyze) philosophical issues. Arguably the most prominent of these techniques is the analysis of concep ...
used by Aristotle dominated the analysis of intimate relationships until the late 1880s.
[Vangelisti, A.L., & Perlman, D. (2006). ''The Cambridge Handbook of Personal Relationships''. Cambridge, Cambridge University Press.]
1880s to early 1900s
![DomPedroII imperatriz Teresa Cristina](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/95/DomPedroII_imperatriz_Teresa_Cristina.jpg)
Modern
psychology
Psychology is the scientific study of mind and behavior. Psychology includes the study of conscious and unconscious phenomena, including feelings and thoughts. It is an academic discipline of immense scope, crossing the boundaries between ...
and
sociology
Sociology is a social science that focuses on society, human social behavior, patterns of social relationships, social interaction, and aspects of culture associated with everyday life. It uses various methods of empirical investigation an ...
began to emerge in the late 19th century. During this time theorists often included relationships into their current areas of research and began to develop new foundations which had implications in regards to the analysis of intimate relationships.
Freud wrote about parent–child relationships and their effect on
personality development
Personality development encompasses the dynamic construction and deconstruction of integrative characteristics that distinguish an individual in terms of interpersonal behavioral traits. Personality development is ever-changing and subject to cont ...
.
Freud's analysis proposed that people's
childhood
A child (plural, : children) is a human being between the stages of childbirth, birth and puberty, or between the Development of the human body, developmental period of infancy and puberty. The legal definition of ''child'' generally refers ...
experiences are transferred or passed on into adult relationships by means of feelings and expectations.
Freud also founded the idea that individuals usually seek out marital partners who are similar to that of their opposite-sex parent.
In 1891,
William James
William James (January 11, 1842 – August 26, 1910) was an American philosopher, historian, and psychologist, and the first educator to offer a psychology course in the United States.
James is considered to be a leading thinker of the lat ...
wrote that a person's
self-concept is defined by the relationships endured with others.
In 1897,
Émile Durkheim
David Émile Durkheim ( or ; 15 April 1858 – 15 November 1917) was a French sociologist. Durkheim formally established the academic discipline of sociology and is commonly cited as one of the principal architects of modern social science, al ...
's interest in social organization led to the examination of social isolation and
alienation.
This was an influential discovery of intimate relationships in that Durkheim argued that being socially isolated was a key antecedent of
suicide.
This focus on the darker side of relationships and the negative consequences associated to social isolation were what Durkheim labeled as
anomie.
Georg Simmel wrote about
dyads, or partnerships with two people.
Simmel suggested that dyads require consent and engagement of both partners to maintain the relationship but noted that the relationship can be ended by the initiation of only one partner.
Although the theorists mentioned above sought support for their theories, their primary contributions to the study of intimate relationships were conceptual and not
empirically
In philosophy, empiricism is an epistemological theory that holds that knowledge or justification comes only or primarily from sensory experience. It is one of several views within epistemology, along with rationalism and skepticism. Empir ...
grounded.
1960s and 1970s
An important shift was taking place in the field of
social psychology
Social psychology is the scientific study of how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are influenced by the real or imagined presence of other people or by social norms. Social psychologists typically explain human behavior as a result of the ...
that influenced the research of intimate relationships. Until the late 1950s, the majority of studies were non-experimental.
By the end of the 1960s more than half of the articles published involved some sort of experimental study.
The 1960s was also a time when there was a shift in
methodology
In its most common sense, methodology is the study of research methods. However, the term can also refer to the methods themselves or to the philosophical discussion of associated background assumptions. A method is a structured procedure for br ...
within the psychological discipline itself. Participants consisted mostly of college students, experimental methods and research were being conducted in
laboratories
A laboratory (; ; colloquially lab) is a facility that provides controlled conditions in which scientific or technological research, experiments, and measurement may be performed. Laboratory services are provided in a variety of settings: physici ...
and the
experimental method was the dominant methodology in social psychology.
Experimental manipulation within the research of intimate relationships demonstrated that relationships could be studied scientifically.
This shift brought relationship science to the attention of scholars in other disciplines and has resulted in the study of intimate relationships being an international multidiscipline.
1980s to 2000s
In the early 1980s the first conference of the International Network of Personal Relationships (INPR) was held. Approximately 300 researchers from all over the world attended the conference.
In March 1984, the
first journal of Social and Personal Relationships was published.
In the early 1990s the INPR split off into two groups; in April 2004 the two organizations rejoined and became the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR).
Donald Nathanson, a psychiatrist who built his study of human interactions off of the work of
Silvan Tomkins, argues that an intimate relationship between two individuals is best when the couple agrees to maximize positive affect, minimize negative affect and allow for the free expression of affect. These findings were based on Tomkin's blueprint for emotional health, which also emphasizes doing as much of the maximizing, minimizing and expressing as possible.
In the year 1993, dating as society knew it was going to change forever. An online company called Match.com was the first dating site to launch. A high correlation exists for those that are computer literate and their tendency to attempt online dating due to the new development of the internet. In 2004, Guinness World Records rewarded Match.com with being the largest dating site in the world by having over 42 million people sign up for their services.
2010s to 2020s
In the year 2016, there were an estimated 240 million dating app users, but as of 2021 that number has risen to around 323 million users worldwide due to the Covid 19 pandemic. Even though there has been rapid growth of users, there have been many reports of the negative effects regarding dating app usage. The intention of dating app usage varies between each individual.
For example, a study of Grindr users was done to detect their reasonings for using that dating site. The final report concluded that 67.2% of users were interested in finding a dating companion while 62.1% of users were desiring casual sex. The risk for sexually transmitted disease increases significantly for individuals who participate in casual sex. A sexual assault researcher from the Associate Dean of Brigham Young University College of Nursing notes that there were around 2,000 cases of reported sexual assaults from dating apps alone over the course of three years. Many of those cases were due to catfishing, which is when one portrays to be someone else. Studies have also been done to determine the effects of online dating on mental health. They found that there is an increase of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem for users.
Regardless of the negative outcomes, the convenience of dating apps makes it so that they are here to stay in society.
See also
Terms for members of intimate relationships
References
External links
International Association for Relationship ResearchProcess of Adaption in Intimate Relationships
{{DEFAULTSORT:Intimate Relationship
Interpersonal relationships