The Headmaster Ritual

"The Headmaster Ritual" is a song by the English rock band the Smiths that appeared as the first song on their second studio album, Meat Is Murder. It was released as a single in the Netherlands in July 1985 and subsequently released as a CD single in the UK in 1988 and Australia/New Zealand in 1990. The music was written by Johnny Marr and the lyrics by Morrissey.

Written as a critique of British education and corporal punishment, "The Headmaster Ritual" features a jangling guitar line with inspirations as diverse as the Beatles, Joni Mitchell, and MC5. The song attracted attention and controversy in the UK for its lyrics. The song has drawn critical acclaim for Morrissey's vocals and lyricism as well as for Marr's guitar.