The Wørd

In addition to its standard interviews, ''The Colbert Report'' features many recurring segments that cover a variety of topics.

Alpha Dog of the Week

Alpha Dog of the Week is a segment in which Colbert heaps praise on one specific news maker from the previous week for, as Colbert himself puts it, being "such an imposing presence that people automatically fall in place behind you, deferentially sniffing your butt." The irony of the segment comes from the fact that the honoree has typically fallen from grace as a result of the supposed alpha behavior Colbert is celebrating.

Atone Phone

The Atone Phone was introduced in the 2007 season during the Jewish High Holidays. Stephen interprets the Ten Days of Repentance to mean that Jewish people should apologize specifically to him, and introduces a hotline (1-888-OOPS-JEW) that Jews can call to apologize for anything that they may have done to "wrong" Stephen. The phone occasionally rings during the show, with an old style bell ringer that rings to the tune of ''Hava Nagila''. The segment is reintroduced every season during the High Holidays, and each subsequent season it is revealed that the number to call has to be shared with another hotline that shares the same number, first 1-888-MOPS-KEY and later 1-888-MOSS-LEW., 1-888-MOS-PLEX, 1-888-NORS-LEZ, 1-888-O-MRS-LEX, and 1-888-O-NPR-LDY.

Better Know a District

Better Know a District is a recurring segment where Colbert interviews members of Congress from specific districts, hoping to fill all 434 spaces on his map. (The missing 435th district is California's 50th, which was declared dead to Stephen in 2005 following the Duke Cunningham scandal, because it had "let Duke down." On Ash Wednesday in 2006, its status was changed to "never existed to me," making it the only item in that category.) The segment features Colbert first giving a short history lesson on the district, then interviewing the representative and asking them "loaded" questions.

Spinoffs

* Better Know a Challenger, a segment during the 2006 Congressional Elections where Colbert interviewed challengers because the incumbent declined to appear on his show.
* Better Know a Protectorate, a 4-part series focusing on the protectorates of the United States.
* Better Know a Founder, a 56-part series focusing on the signers of the United States Declaration of Independence.
* Better Know a President, a 43-part series where Colbert interviews former Presidents by speaking to impersonators.
* Meet an Ally, a series focusing on the nations in the Coalition of the Willing.
* Betterer Know a District, features extended versions of previously shown interviews.
* Better Know a Memory, a "recap" of sorts following the 2006 elections, showing "better known" representatives that had been returned to Congress.
* Better Know a Presidential Candidate Who'll Talk to Me, an indefinite series featuring interviews with presidential candidates from the 2008 presidential election. To date, only Republicans Mike Huckabee (who asked Colbert to be his running mate) and Ron Paul have appeared for such interviews, although Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards have all made appearances on the Report.
* Better Know a Governor, a series focusing on state governors (starting with Mark Sanford)
* Better Know a Lobby, a 35,000-part (originally infinite-part) series, introduced on the February 6, 2008 episode, focusing on lobbyists that work on Capitol Hill.
* Better Know a Beatle, a 4-part series focusing on the members of The Beatles.
* Better Know a Cradle of Civilization, a 1-part series about the history of Iraq shown during Operation Iraqi Stephen.
* Better Know a Made Up District, a nintelligiblepart series about made up districts; a reference to inaccurate submissions to the United States government's website that tracks the spending of stimulus money, by business people who made up congressional districts.
* Better Know a Stephen, a segment introduced December 16, 2009 in which Colbert interviews other prominent men named Stephen (specifically spelled with a "ph").
* Better Know an Enemy, a series focusing on the terrorist enemies.
* Better Know a Riding, a 1-part segment focusing on the Canadian Electoral District held by Member of Parliament Ujjal Dosanjh which took place on February 22, 2010 during the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. The riding profiled was Vancouver South, where the Olympics took place.
* Better Know a Kissinger, A one part series on Henry Kissinger prior to Colbert's interview of Henry Kissinger.
* Better Know a Salinger/Hemingway, One-part series on whoever he profiles in the Colbert book club.
* Better Know a America, A one part series in which Stephen Colbert interviews President Obama.

The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude

A segment that is featured around Christmas season where Colbert covers stories that involve people suggested to be attacking Christmas getting foiled in various ways.

The Boards

Originating from phrases used by Colbert as a warning or condemnation, the On Notice and Dead to Me boards are giant blue boards listing people and things that have angered Colbert. When the On Notice board is full, Colbert is forced to either remove an item or transfer it to the Dead to Me board, which is reserved for his most hated nemeses. One-off variations have included a Called Out white board on August 14, 2006, a red Fantasies board on January 31, 2007, a Do Not Say board on April 25, 2007 and a pocket-sized "On Notice" board on October 2, 2007.

Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

Cheating Death is a medical and health-related segment. During Cheating Death, Colbert refers to himself as Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A., a reference to the Honorary Fine Arts Doctorate that was awarded to him by Knox College.

The introduction graphic to this segment is a reference to the chess game with Death in Ingmar Bergman's film ''The Seventh Seal'', with Colbert wearing scrubs as he uses trickery to literally cheat Death and win (another variant has him conning Death out of its money at three card monte). Colbert usually then prefaces each segment by noting that he is not a medical doctor, but a Doctor of Fine Arts, followed by a joke about what he is allowed to do (example: delivering babies through Georgia O'Keeffe paintings). The segment usually features accounts of actual medical and health news, including recent breakthroughs and announcements of the type found on other medical and health segments which then segue into plugs for the (fictional) sponsor, Prescott Pharmaceuticals, and their highly dubious "Vaxa" product line. (Prescott Pharmaceuticals is apparently part of a large, rather shady company known as the Prescott Group, whom Colbert frequently promotes. Their other divisions include Prescott Oil and Prescott Finance.) This health advice is generally dangerous or unhelpful, and said products also cause bizarre side effects such as "Skeletal Xylophoning", or " REO Speedlung". The segment always ends with Colbert saying, "I'll see you in health!," a play on the phrase, "I'll see you in hell!"

On the April 25, 2011 episode, Colbert renamed his product line "Vacsa", after he received a cease-and-desist letter from a company whose line of homeopathic products is actually called Växa. He insisted that any similarities between the two names was purely "axidental".

The segment was used as the culmination of the program's series finale; Death (who is referred to as Grimmy), who was intended to be the show's final guest, does not fall for Colbert's tricks and strangles him upon watching him actually cheat. This results in a struggle that ends with Colbert accidentally killing Death with his pistol Sweetness and becoming an immortal.

Colbert Platinum (CP)

Colbert Platinum is ''The Colbert Report's'' version of High Net Worth (HNW) on CNBC. It profiles expensive and high-profile items, like personal submarines and $750,000 pens, which only the "super rich" could afford. In the introduction, Colbert reminds viewers that the segment is for billionaires "only," instructing "poor" millionaire viewers to change the channel. On October 20, 2008, Colbert Platinum was spun off as Colbert Aluminum, due to the economic crisis of 2008. Its focus was the formerly wealthy, Colbert telling viewers not to watch "if you haven't had a yacht repossessed in the last six months." As of August 20, 2009, Colbert announced that the recession was over and that Colbert Platinum had been reinstated.

Cold War Update

Cold War Update is a segment where Colbert dismisses "rumors" that the Cold War ended with the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991. The segment covers news from former Soviet Bloc countries, such as Cuba, North Korea, Russia, China, and Yugoslavia.

The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard

The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard is a segment in which Colbert highlights a "bizarre" recent news item. It likens to ''The O'Reilly Factor's'' "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day." Variants include "The Most Poetic F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard."

The DaColbert Code

A parody of Dan Brown's ''The Da Vinci Code'', "The DaColbert Code" is an occasional segment in which Colbert uses his mysterious code (actually an elaborate word association game) to uncover past and future events. This typically leads Colbert to form absurd conclusions, such as that Mike Myers was responsible for the Hurricane Katrina debacle — although in 2006 and 2009 he used the DaColbert Code to accurately predict the five top Oscar winners and shortly before the 2008 elections, the code repeatedly said that Barack Obama would be the next US president. The segment uses Leonardo da Vinci's ''Mona Lisa'' as its opening graphic, with Colbert's face edited in. On every occasion, he illustrates how it works by giving a test of it by predicting who killed John F. Kennedy, which at each time had led to a different suspect, including Jacqueline, Johnson, Nixon, and Kennedy himself.

Democralypse Now!

Democralypse Now! was introduced during the 2008 presidential primaries and covered how the Democratic party was "destroying itself" through Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama's competing bids for the presidential nomination. The title is a portmanteau with that of the film ''Apocalypse Now''. (The opening sequence alludes to the film with the song "Ride of the Valkyries" and a cutout of John McCain's head quoting the film's famous line "The horror ... the horror!")

Difference Makers

Difference Makers pays tribute to ordinary Americans whom Colbert deems to be making a difference, usually in promoting a passionate cause of dubious value, such as a woman who believes that teaching pole dancing is a feminist cause. The Difference Maker being profiled is described in heroic superlatives, and the segments feature patriotic background music, but the interviews shown invariably contradict the narrator's praising statements. This is one of the few segments in which Colbert does not feature at all, except as the narrator. The name bears a similarity to that of the NBC Nightly News human interest segment "Making A Difference".

The Enemy Within

The Enemy Within is part of a series of segments labeled as Colbert Report Special Reports. The intro features a seemingly ordinary family taking a picture, only for aliens to pop out at the end. In the segment, Stephen uses a faux narration style to label a seemingly benign thing that has bended a law (like toddlers and unicycles) as an enemy.

Formidable Opponent

For the Formidable Opponent, Colbert debates a topic against the only person he deems truly worthy of his opposition: himself. The segment gives the appearance that there are two Stephen Colberts, each facing the other, wearing different colored ties (usually a blue tie for the liberal Colbert and red for the conservative) and standing against different backdrops, an illusion attained through use of a green screen and chroma-key technology to change the color of Colbert's tie. One of the Colberts will generally take a more liberal position, while the other will take a more characteristic ultra-conservative view. The conservative Colbert will almost always win, generally posing an extremely unlikely hypothetical situation (either concerning special circumstances or hypothetical fallout), and using that for his justifications.

To date, the only time the 'liberal' Colbert has won was on the episode airing on November 4, 2009. In this episode, the 'liberal' Colbert called on Al Gore (who was there in person) to help him argue. The ultra-conservative Colbert then called his own version of Al Gore (also played by the real Al Gore). However, unlike the two debating Stephens, "both" Al Gores were of the same opinion, and convinced the conservative Colbert that they were right.

The final installment of Formidable Opponent aired on December 15, 2014. During a debate on the United States' use of torture — the same topic the two had debated during the show's first month — the liberal Colbert convinced his conservative counterpart to admit to being an imaginary character. As the segment ended, the conservative Colbert faded from existence, leaving only the liberal Colbert.

Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-calypse

In the Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-calypse segment Colbert criticizes the media (radio, film, television, and books) for hastening the end of civilization. The name of the segment is a reference to the biblical characters of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Freedom Trivia

These short messages frequently appeared on screen immediately before or after commercial breaks during the show's first season. The titles were typically portmanteau

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