The Regina Monologues

"The Regina Monologues" is the fourth episode of the fifteenth season of the American animated television series ''The Simpsons''. It originally aired on the Fox network in the United States on November 23, 2003. It was directed by Mark Kirkland and was the final episode written by John Swartzwelder. The episode sees the Simpson family travel to the United Kingdom for vacation. There, they meet several celebrities including Tony Blair, Evan Marriott, Ian McKellen and J. K. Rowling, who all appear as themselves. Later, Homer is arrested and locked in the Tower of London for accidentally crashing into the Queen's carriage. Meanwhile, Abraham Simpson journeys to find Edwina, his long lost love, who is voiced by Jane Leeves.

Plot

Mr. Burns withdraws a $1000 bill from an ATM, but he drops it and an updraft carries it away to the Simpsons' house, where it is found by Bart and Milhouse. Marge makes Bart and Homer put up fliers so that the person who lost the bill can reclaim it. No one can describe it correctly, so Lisa suggests that they spend the money on something for Marge. Marge desires a dream vacation, but decides against this because Homer always manages to ruin any trip they go on. After realizing he can make money from the bill, Bart displays it in a museum in his tree house. Mr. Burns visits and reclaims his money, forcing Bart to close his museum. However, Bart has made over $3000 from the museum, so he reconsiders Lisa's suggestion and decides to spend the money on a vacation for Marge. Grampa suggests they go to Britain, where he hopes to meet his long-lost love, Edwina. During World War II, he made love to hear the night before he was shipped out to the front lines on D-Day (having been unaware that he actually was).

Upon their arrival in London, the family is greeted by the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, whom Homer mistakes for Mr. Bean. They visit London's tourist attractions, and later meet J. K. Rowling and Ian McKellen. Grampa tries to contact Edwina, whilst Bart and Lisa go on a "sugar rush" after discovering the joys of British candy. Homer and Marge rent a Mini Cooper and start to drive around London, but get stuck on the roundabout at Hyde Park Corner. After literally driving in circles for hours, Homer decides to break out of it, plows straight through the gates of Buckingham Palace and slams into Queen Elizabeth II's horse-drawn carriage, and is beaten by the Foot Guards.

At the Old Bailey, Homer is put on trial for causing harm to the Queen as well as wrecking her carriage. Representing himself (which Marge assumed would have made no difference), he humiliates himself by calling the Queen an impostor, since her luggage is inscribed " H.R.H." which he believes is short for "Henrietta R. Hippo", and mistaking the judge for a woman due to the wig he is wearing. The Queen, highly offended, demands that he be executed. At the Tower of London, where he awaits his execution, he is called from outside by his family and Lisa tells him that he can use a secret tunnel that Sir Walter Raleigh built to escape. However, the tunnel leads straight into the Queen's bedroom, and she calls her guards. Homer pleads with the Queen to find it in her heart to forgive him, and she allows him to leave the country on the condition that he and the rest of his family take Madonna back to America with him. As they prepare to leave, Edwina appears and introduces Abe to her daughter Abbey, who is essentially a British female version of Homer. Realizing he is her father, Grampa runs away quickly to the plane, while Homer appears smitten by his half-sister.

Production

"The Regina Monologues" is the last episode written by longtime ''Simpsons'' writer John Swartzwelder (though Swartzwelder was credited for contributing to the script to the show's film). The title is a reference to Eve Ensler's play ''The Vagina Monologues'', with "Regina" being the Latin word for "queen". The episode was directed by Mark Kirkland. The plot of Homer hitting the Queen's carriage was recycled from a spec script that previous ''Simpsons'' showrunning team Al Jean and Mike Reiss had pitched to '' The Golden Girls''. In that script, Dorothy Zbornak was injured after a collision with Mother Teresa's car.

Tony Blair recorded his part for the episode in April 2003, in ten minutes at Downing Street. Blair was sent the script early on in the writing process, and it took eight months of negotiation between Fox and Blair's director of communications Alastair Campbell before Blair could appear as a guest star. In the original script, Blair was supposed to welcome the Simpsons to the United Kingdom "with a garland of 'genuine Newcastle coal' and hand argea complimentary Corgi", but Campbell had them changed, as Blair "made it very clear that he was only interested in doing the show if he could promote tourism in Britain". The show's staff did not know whether Blair would actually record his lines until showrunner Al Jean and his wife were in London promoting the 300th episode of ''The Simpsons''. They received a call stating: "If you go over to Downing Street tomorrow and can promise to get the recording done in 15 minutes, then the Prime Minister will do it". Jean was "so nervous, it was ridiculous" when he met Blair, an event he has cited as "one of the most fantastic moments of his life". Blair was the top choice to guest star in the episode, but the staff did not think they had a chance to get him to appear. Blair is the only head of government to guest star in the show, with Rudy Giuliani (who played himself in the episode "Stop! Or My Dog Will Shoot") the only other politician to guest star.

J. K. Rowling recorded her part via satellite from her home in Scotland, and Ian McKellen recorded his over the phone. Evan Marriott, contestant on the first series of '' Joe Millionaire'' appears as himself, while Jane Leeves plays Edwina. Manchester United soccer player Ryan Giggs is mentioned by Homer, something which Giggs thought was "brilliant".

The writers originally drew up a list of ten British celebrities they wanted to appear in the episode. The Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams (a fan of the show) was included in a draft of the script acting as a tour guide and showing some of his relatives around London. Williams had to reject the part due to other engagements. The script also included a role for a musician; the staff had hoped to get David Bowie or Morrissey for the part but nothing came together. David and Victoria Beckham were also originally sought to guest star in the episode, and would be seen bickering on the street. The idea was dropped after Blair agreed to guest star, and it was deemed that they were not famous enough (as a married couple) in the United States and so were not approached. Jean commented "We thought about it, we didn't ask. I've heard of him because my daughter plays soccer."

Reception

The episode originally aired on the Fox network in the United States on November 23, 2003, and on January 9, 2004, in the United Kingdom on Sky One. Since airing the episode has received mostly positive reviews from critics. IGN.com named the episode the best of the fifteenth season, saying that "It may not be the best episode ever, but hell if it isn't a lot of fun", as well as calling it "extremely funny" and a "high point for the past few seasons". Tony Blair received criticism from a number of commentators for his appearance in the episode as he recorded his part at the height of the war in Iraq. ''The Sunday Telegraph'' journalist Jack Roberts noted that it was "not lair'sfinest hour". On the other hand, Simon Crerar of ''The Times'' named Blair's appearance as one of the 33 best guest appearances in the show's history, and the BBC
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