''How to Lose Friends & Alienate People'' (2001) is a

memoir A memoir (; , ) is any nonfiction narrative writing based in the author's personal memories. The assertions made in the work are thus understood to be factual. While memoir has historically been defined as a subcategory of biography or autobi ...

Toby Young Toby Daniel Moorsom Young (born 17 October 1963) is a British social commentator. He is the founder and director of the Free Speech Union, an associate editor of ''The Spectator'', and a former associate editor at ''Quillette.'' A graduate of ...

about his failed five-year effort to make it in the United States as a

contributing editor A contributing editor is a newspaper, magazine or online job title that varies in its responsibilities. Often, but not always, a contributing editor is a "high-end" freelancer, consultant, or expert who has proven ability and has readership dra ...

Condé Nast Publications Condé is a French place name and personal name. It is ultimately derived from a Celtic word, "Condate", meaning "confluence" (of two rivers) - from which was derived the Romanised form "Condatum", in use during the Roman period, and thence to t ...

' '' Vanity Fair'' magazine. The book alternates Young's foibles with his ruminations about the differences in culture and society between the United States and England, and specifically between

New York City New York, often called New York City or NYC, is the List of United States cities by population, most populous city in the United States. With a 2020 population of 8,804,190 distributed over , New York City is also the L ...

and

London London is the capital and largest city of England and the United Kingdom, with a population of just under 9 million. It stands on the River Thames in south-east England at the head of a estuary down to the North Sea, and has been a majo ...

. The book depicts Young's relationship with various British and American journalists, including

Julie Burchill Julie Burchill (born 3 July 1959) is an English writer. Beginning as a staff writer at the ''New Musical Express'' at the age of 17, she has since contributed to newspapers such as ''The Daily Telegraph'', ''The Sunday Times'' and ''The Guardia ...

Anthony Haden-Guest Anthony Haden-Guest (born 2 February 1937) is a British-American writer, reporter, cartoonist, art critic, poet, and socialite who lives in New York City and London. He is a frequent contributor to major magazines and has had several books publi ...

Tina Brown Christina Hambley Brown, Lady Evans (born 21 November 1953), is an English journalist, magazine editor, columnist, talk-show host, and author of '' The Diana Chronicles'' (2007) a biography of Diana, Princess of Wales, '' The Vanity Fair Diari ...

and

Harold Evans Sir Harold Matthew Evans (28 June 192823 September 2020) was a British-American journalist and writer. In his career in his native Britain, he was editor of ''The Sunday Times'' from 1967 to 1981, and its sister title ''The Times'' for a year f ...

(who at one point threatens to sue him) and ''Vanity Fair''s own

Graydon Carter Edward Graydon Carter, CM (born July 14, 1949) is a Canadian journalist who served as the editor of '' Vanity Fair'' from 1992 until 2017. He also co-founded, with Kurt Andersen and Tom Phillips, the satirical monthly magazine ''Spy'' in 1986. ...

. Young also describes awkward run-ins with American celebrities including

Nathan Lane Nathan Lane (born Joseph Lane; February 3, 1956) is an American actor. In a career spanning over 40 years he has been seen on stage and screen in roles both comedic and dramatic. Lane has received numerous awards including three Tony Awards, ...

Mel Gibson Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson (born January 3, 1956) is an American actor, film director, and producer. He is best known for his action hero roles, particularly his breakout role as Max Rockatansky in the first three films of the post-apocaly ...

and

Diana Ross Diana Ross (born March 26, 1944) is an American singer and actress. She rose to fame as the lead singer of the vocal group the Supremes, who became Motown's most successful act during the 1960s and one of the world's best-selling girl groups o ...

. Throughout the book, Young describes being tormented by his friend "Alex de Silva" (speculated to be

Sacha Gervasi Alexander Simon "Sacha" Gervasi''Births, Marriages & Deaths Index of England & Wales, 1916–2005.''; at ancestry.com (; born 1966) is a British director, screenwriter and former journalist. Early life Gervasi was born in London. His mother ...

), a former colleague of Young's who manages to succeed in America in every way that Young does not. The title of Young's book is a parody of the title of

Dale Carnegie Dale Carnegie (; spelled Carnagey until c. 1922; November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal ...

's 1937 perennial bestseller, ''

How to Win Friends and Influence People ''How to Win Friends and Influence People'' is a 1936 self-help book written by Dale Carnegie. Over 30 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. Carnegie had been conducting business educat ...

''; a parody by Irving Tressler titled ''How to Lose Friends and Alienate People'' was also published that same year. Young's book does not reference either Carnegie's or Tressler's works.

Reception

The aggregate site iDreamBooks lists 12 mixed reviews.

Andrew Anthony Andrew Anthony is a journalist who has written for ''The Guardian'' since 1990, and ''The Observer ''The Observer'' is a British newspaper published on Sundays. It is a sister paper to ''The Guardian'' and '' The Guardian Weekly'', who ...

, writing in ''

The Observer ''The Observer'' is a British newspaper published on Sundays. It is a sister paper to ''The Guardian'' and ''The Guardian Weekly'', whose parent company Guardian Media Group Limited acquired it in 1993. First published in 1791, it is the w ...

'' in 2001, wrote that book "works best as a showcase for a succession of well-polished anecdotes highlighting the author's professional and sexual incompetence." concluding that "it's the alcohol-soaked hack, desperate to mix with the beautiful people, who will stay in the memory. The dual job of the journalist is supposedly to press his nose up against the glass and hold a mirror up to the world. Young makes most sense when he's holding up a glass and pressing his nose against a mirror."

Adaptations

The book was adapted into a one-man play that played on London's West End for several months each in 2003 and 2004. Young was initially played by

Jack Davenport Jack Arthur Davenport (born 1 March 1973) is an English actor. He is best known for his roles in the television series ''This Life'' and ''Coupling'', and as James Norrington in the '' Pirates of the Caribbean'' series. He has also appeared ...

, then by Young himself. A feature-length film adaptation, also titled '' How to Lose Friends & Alienate People'', was released in October 2008. It is directed by

Robert B. Weide Robert B. Weide (born June 20, 1959) is an American screenwriter, producer, and director. He has directed a number of documentaries and was the principal director and an executive producer of ''Curb Your Enthusiasm'' for the show's first five ye ...

and stars

Simon Pegg Simon John Pegg (né Beckingham; born 14 February 1970) is an English actor, comedian, screenwriter, and producer. He came to prominence in the UK as the co-creator of the Channel 4 sitcom ''Spaced'' (1999–2001), directed by Edgar Wright. H ...

Kirsten Dunst Kirsten Caroline Dunst (; born April 30, 1982) is an American actress. She made her acting debut in the short ''Oedipus Wrecks'' directed by Woody Allen in the anthology film ''New York Stories'' (1989). She then gained recognition for her rol ...

, and

Megan Fox Megan Denise Fox (born May 16, 1986) is an American actress. She made her acting debut in the family film '' Holiday in the Sun'' (2001), which was followed by numerous supporting roles in film and television, such as the teen musical comedy ...

. The film is loosely based on the book, turning the plot into more of a straightforward

romantic comedy Romantic comedy (also known as romcom or rom-com) is a subgenre of comedy and slice of life fiction, focusing on lighthearted, humorous plot lines centered on romantic ideas, such as how true love is able to surmount most obstacles. In a typica ...

Sequel

Young wrote a 2006 sequel, ''The Sound of No Hands Clapping'', which chronicles his failure as a

Hollywood Hollywood usually refers to: * Hollywood, Los Angeles, a neighborhood in California * Hollywood, a metonym for the cinema of the United States Hollywood may also refer to: Places United States * Hollywood District (disambiguation) * Hollywood, ...

screenwriter A screenplay writer (also called screenwriter, scriptwriter, scribe or scenarist) is a writer who practices the craft of screenwriting, writing screenplays on which mass media, such as films, television programs and video games, are based. ...

in the years after he left New York.

References

{{DEFAULTSORT:How To Lose Friends And Alienate People (Memoir) British memoirs Memoirs adapted into films Vanity Fair (magazine) 2001 non-fiction books