Henry Beard
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Henry Nichols Beard (born June 7, 1945) is an American humorist, one of the founders of the magazine '' National Lampoon'' and the author of several best-selling books.


Life and career

Beard, a great-grandson of 14th Vice President
John C. Breckinridge John Cabell Breckinridge (January 16, 1821 – May 17, 1875) was an American lawyer, politician, and soldier. He represented Kentucky in both houses of Congress and became the 14th and youngest-ever vice president of the United States. Serving ...
, was born into a well-to-do family and grew up at the Westbury Hotel on East 69th Street in
Manhattan Manhattan (), known regionally as the City, is the most densely populated and geographically smallest of the five boroughs of New York City. The borough is also coextensive with New York County, one of the original counties of the U.S. state ...
. His relationship with his parents was cool, to judge by his quip "I never saw my mother up close." He attended the
Taft School The Taft School is a private, coeducational school located in Watertown, Connecticut, United States. It teaches students in 9th through 12th grades and post-graduates. About three-quarters of Taft's roughly 600 students live on the school's ...
, where he was a leader at the humor magazine, and he decided to become a humor writer after reading ''
Catch-22 ''Catch-22'' is a satirical war novel by American author Joseph Heller. He began writing it in 1953; the novel was first published in 1961. Often cited as one of the most significant novels of the twentieth century, it uses a distinctive non-ch ...
''. He then went to
Harvard University Harvard University is a private Ivy League research university in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Founded in 1636 as Harvard College and named for its first benefactor, the Puritan clergyman John Harvard, it is the oldest institution of high ...
(from which he graduated in 1967) and joined its humor magazine, the ''
Harvard Lampoon ''The Harvard Lampoon'' is an undergraduate humor publication founded in 1876 by seven undergraduates at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Overview The ''Harvard Lampoon'' publication was founded in 1876 by seven undergraduates ...
'', which circulated nationally. Much of the credit for the Lampoon's success during the mid-1960s is given to Beard and
Douglas Kenney Douglas Clark Francis Kenney (December 10, 1946 – August 27, 1980) was an American comedy writer of magazine, novels, radio, TV and film who co-founded the magazine ''National Lampoon'' in 1970. Kenney edited the magazine and wrote much of its ...
, who was in the class a year after Beard's. In 1968, Beard and Kenney wrote the successful parody ''
Bored of the Rings ''Bored of the Rings'' is a 1969 parody of J. R. R. Tolkien's ''The Lord of the Rings''. This short novel was written by Henry Beard and Douglas Kenney, who later founded '' National Lampoon''. It was published in 1969 by Signet for the ''Har ...
''. Henry and Kenney would become longtime friends and collaborators. Many commented on how exact opposite they were. Kenney described Beard as "the oldest guy who was ever a teenager". In 1969, Beard, Kenney and Rob Hoffman became the founding editors of the ''National Lampoon'', which reached an average monthly circulation of over 830,000 for the year 1974 (and the October issue of that year topped a million sales). One of Beard's short stories published there, "The Last Recall", was included in the 1973 ''Best Detective Stories of the Year''. During the early 1970s, Beard was also in the
Army Reserve A military reserve force is a military organization whose members have military and civilian occupations. They are not normally kept under arms, and their main role is to be available when their military requires additional manpower. Reserve ...
, which he hated. (Subscription required.) In 1975, the three founders cashed in on a buy-out agreement for ''National Lampoon''; Beard received US$2.8 million and left the magazine. After an "unhappy" attempt at screenwriting, he turned to writing books of humor.Karp, ''Futile and Stupid,'' p. 372 Those that have reached the New York Times Best Seller list are ''Sailing: A Sailor's Dictionary'' (1981, with Roy McKie), ''
Miss Piggy Miss Piggy is one of the Muppet characters known for her breakout role in Jim Henson's ''The Muppet Show''. Since her debut in 1976, Miss Piggy has been notable for her temperamental diva superstar personality, tendency to use French phrases i ...
's Guide to Life'' (1981), ''Leslie Nielsen's Stupid Little Golf Book'' (1995, with
Leslie Nielsen Leslie William Nielsen (11 February 192628 November 2010) was a Canadian actor and comedian. With a career spanning 60 years, he appeared in more than 100 films and 150 television programs, portraying more than 220 characters. Nielsen was bo ...
), ''French for Cats'' (1992, with
John Boswell John Eastburn Boswell (March 20, 1947December 24, 1994) was an American historian and a full professor at Yale University. Many of Boswell's studies focused on the issue of religion and homosexuality, specifically Christianity and homosexuality. ...
), and ''O.J.'s Legal Pad'' (1995, with John Boswell and
Ron Barrett Ron Barrett is an American illustrator, best known for illustrating the children's book ''Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs'', which was written by his former wife, Judi Barrett. Career He is a graduate of the School of Industrial Art in New Y ...
). Other notable books include ''
Latin for All Occasions ''Latin for All Occasions'' (''Lingua Latina Occasionibus Omnibus'') is a 1990 book by Henry Beard, and ''Latin for Even More Occasions'' (''Lingua Latina Multo Pluribus Occasionibus'') is a 1991 sequel. Both contain translations of modern Engl ...
'' (1990), ''
The Official Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook ''The Official Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook'' is a book written by Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf. It was published in 1992 by Villard Books in New York, by Grafton in London, and, by Random House of Canada Limited in Toronto. ...
'' (1992, with Christopher Cerf), and ''What's Worrying Gus? '' (1995, with John Boswell).


Personal life

The ''
New York Times ''The New York Times'' (''the Times'', ''NYT'', or the Gray Lady) is a daily newspaper based in New York City with a worldwide readership reported in 2020 to comprise a declining 840,000 paid print subscribers, and a growing 6 million paid ...
'' has described Beard as "enigmatic". Among the enigmas, apparently, is his birthdate. Not even the year of his birth appears in the Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data of his books or in various Web and print sources. However, Josh Karp's biography of Doug Kenney says that Beard was "a nearly thirty-year-old man" when he left the ''National Lampoon'' on March 18, 1975, and an article published on November 29, 1987, gives his age as 42. The birth year given above, 1945, is based on these two statements. Public records show that a HENRY N BEARD was born on June 7, 1945, in New York, NY. According to Josh Karp, Beard is remembered from his Harvard years as patrician, a pipe smoker, not over-concerned with the appearance or cleanliness of his clothes, misanthropic but not malicious, capable of understanding and organizing any subject, a gifted student who occasionally wrote parodic papers. He was prematurely mature and the ''Harvard Lampoons arbiter. As a comic writer he excelled at parody, and his hero was
S. J. Perelman Sidney Joseph Perelman (February 1, 1904 – October 17, 1979) was an American humorist and screenwriter. He is best known for his humorous short pieces written over many years for ''The New Yorker''. He also wrote for several other magazines ...
. All these characteristics meant that he was an excellent partner with Kenney, who was flamboyant, fond of poses, and given to seeing humor where others recoiled. The comedy writer Chris Miller remembers that Beard "knew everything" and that he said on leaving the ''Lampoon'' that he was sick of being the father to all the writers. (Beard would have been about 30.) The comic writer and actor
Tony Hendra Anthony Christopher "Tony" Hendra (10 July 1941 – 4 March 2021) was an English satirist, actor and writer who worked mostly in the United States. Educated at St Albans School (where he was a classmate of Stephen Hawking) and at St John's Co ...
says that at the beginning of Beard's tenure, he was painfully shy, though he was the magazine's authority over what material was used. In the next few years, he went through "the greening of Beard", growing his hair, switching from cheap beer to expensive whiskey, and in 1974, forming a relationship with the writer
Gwyneth Cravens Gwyneth Cravens is an American novelist and journalist. She has published five novels. Her fiction and nonfiction have appeared in ''The New Yorker'', where she also worked as a fiction editor, and in '' Harper's Magazine'', where she was an associ ...
. In 1991, an article in a reliable publication said that Beard and Cravens divided their time between Manhattan and a renovated boat shed in East Hampton and referred to them as partners. A 2006 interview in a different publication said that Beard and Cravens had married. Also in 2006, Karp wrote that "reportedly" the couple had added California to their list of addresses and that Beard played golf almost daily but never kept score.


Selected bibliography

*''
Bored of the Rings ''Bored of the Rings'' is a 1969 parody of J. R. R. Tolkien's ''The Lord of the Rings''. This short novel was written by Henry Beard and Douglas Kenney, who later founded '' National Lampoon''. It was published in 1969 by Signet for the ''Har ...
'' (with
Doug Kenney Douglas Clark Francis Kenney (December 10, 1946 – August 27, 1980) was an American comedy writer of magazine, novels, radio, TV and film who co-founded the magazine ''National Lampoon'' in 1970. Kenney edited the magazine and wrote much of its ...
) (1969) *''Sailing: A Sailor's Dictionary'' (with Roy McKie) (1981) *''Miss Piggy's Guide to Life'' (1981) *''Cooking: A Cook's Dictionary'' (with Roy McKie) (1985) *''The Pentagon Catalog: Ordinary Products at Extraordinary Prices'' (with Christopher Cerf) (1986) *''Golfing: A Duffer's Dictionary'' (with Roy McKie) (1987) *''
Latin for All Occasions ''Latin for All Occasions'' (''Lingua Latina Occasionibus Omnibus'') is a 1990 book by Henry Beard, and ''Latin for Even More Occasions'' (''Lingua Latina Multo Pluribus Occasionibus'') is a 1991 sequel. Both contain translations of modern Engl ...
'' (1990) *'' Latin for Even More Occasions'' (1992) *''Advanced French for Exceptional Cats'' (1992) *''French for Cats: All The French Your Cat Will Ever Need'' (1993) *''The Way Things Really Work: (And How They Actually Happen)'' (with
Ron Barrett Ron Barrett is an American illustrator, best known for illustrating the children's book ''Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs'', which was written by his former wife, Judi Barrett. Career He is a graduate of the School of Industrial Art in New Y ...
) (1993) *''Poetry for Cats: The Definitive Anthology of Distinguished Feline Verse'' (1994) *''
The Official Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook ''The Official Politically Correct Dictionary and Handbook'' is a book written by Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf. It was published in 1992 by Villard Books in New York, by Grafton in London, and, by Random House of Canada Limited in Toronto. ...
'' (with Christopher Cerf) (1994) *''Sex and Dating: The Official Politically Correct Guide'' (with Christopher Cerf) (1994) *''The Official Sexually Correct Dictionary and Handbook'' (with Christopher Cerf) (1995) *''O.J.'s Legal Pad'' (with
John Boswell John Eastburn Boswell (March 20, 1947December 24, 1994) was an American historian and a full professor at Yale University. Many of Boswell's studies focused on the issue of religion and homosexuality, specifically Christianity and homosexuality. ...
and Ron Barrett) (1995) *''What's Worrying Gus?: The True Story of a Big City Bear'' (with John Boswell) (1995) *''Leslie Nielsen's Stupid Little Golf Book'' (with
Leslie Nielsen Leslie William Nielsen (11 February 192628 November 2010) was a Canadian actor and comedian. With a career spanning 60 years, he appeared in more than 100 films and 150 television programs, portraying more than 220 characters. Nielsen was bo ...
) (1995) *''The Unshredded Files of Hillary and Bill Clinton'' (with John Boswell) (1997) *'' Bad Golf My Way'' (with Leslie Nielsen) (1997) *''Zen for Cats'' (1997) *''The Official Exceptions to the Rules of Golf'' (1997) *''Mulligan's Laws'' (1998) *''Bill Gates' Private Super Secret Private Laptop'' (with John Boswell) (1998) *''Computing: A Hacker's Dictionary'' (with Roy McKie) (1999) *''Rationalizations to Live By'' (with John Boswell) (2000) *''Where's Saddam?'' (with John Boswell) (2003) *''X-Treme Latin: Unleash Your Inner Gladiator'' (2004) *''The Dick Cheney Code'' (2004) *''French Cats Don't Get Fat: The Secrets of La Cuisine Feline'' (2005) *''A Cat's Night Before Christmas'' (with John Boswell) (2005) *''A Dog's Night Before Christmas'' (with John Boswell) (2005) *''Murphy's Laws of Golf'' (2007) *''The Official Rules of Bad Golf'' (2007) *''Golf: An Unofficial and Unauthorized History of the World's Most Preposterous Sport'' (2009) *''Encyclopedia Paranoica'' (with Christopher Cerf) (2012) *''Spinglish: The Definitive Dictionary of Deliberately Deceptive Language'' (with Christopher Cerf) (2015)


References


Further reading

*


External links

*
Henri De la Barbe
at LC Authorities, with 1 record {{DEFAULTSORT:Beard, Henry 1945 births Living people American humorists American parodists American satirists Parody novelists People from the Upper East Side Taft School alumni The Harvard Lampoon alumni National Lampoon people 20th-century American novelists 20th-century American male writers 21st-century American writers American male novelists Novelists from New York (state)