'Til I Die
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"Til I Die" is a song by American
rock Rock most often refers to: * Rock (geology), a naturally occurring solid aggregate of minerals or mineraloids * Rock music, a genre of popular music Rock or Rocks may also refer to: Places United Kingdom * Rock, Caerphilly, a location in Wales ...
band
the Beach Boys The Beach Boys are an American Rock music, rock band that formed in Hawthorne, California, in 1961. The group's original lineup consisted of brothers Brian Wilson, Brian, Dennis Wilson, Dennis, and Carl Wilson, their cousin Mike Love, and frie ...
from their 1971 album '' Surf's Up'', subsequently issued as the B-side of the single " Long Promised Road". With autobiographical lyrics about death and hopelessness, it is one of the few songs in which both the words and music were written solely by
Brian Wilson Brian Douglas Wilson (born June 20, 1942) is an American musician, singer, songwriter, and record producer who co-founded the Beach Boys. Often called a genius for his novel approaches to pop composition, extraordinary musical aptitude, and m ...
. An extended mix of the original recording, created by engineer Stephen Desper, was included on the 1998 ''
Endless Harmony Soundtrack ''Endless Harmony Soundtrack'' is an anthology album of previously unheard material by The Beach Boys, originally released by Capitol Records in August 1998. Named for Bruce Johnston's song on the 1980 album ''Keepin' the Summer Alive'', it was ...
''.


Background and composition

Brian Wilson reportedly wrote Til I Die" while suffering from an
existential crisis In psychology and psychotherapy, existential crises are inner conflicts characterized by the impression that life lacks meaning. Some authors also emphasize confusion about one's personal identity in their definition. Existential crises are acc ...
, having recently threatened to drive his car off the
Santa Monica Santa Monica (; Spanish: ''Santa Mónica'') is a city in Los Angeles County, situated along Santa Monica Bay on California's South Coast. Santa Monica's 2020 U.S. Census population was 93,076. Santa Monica is a popular resort town, owing to ...
pier and ordered his gardener to dig a grave in his backyard. According to biographer
David Leaf David Leaf (born April 20, 1952) is a Peabody and WGAW award-winning writer, director, and producer, known for his associations with Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys since the late 1970s. Leaf's 1978 biography ''The Beach Boys and the California ...
, these episodes were treated as jokes by Wilson's family and friends. In a November 1970 interview, Wilson discussed his daily routine of "go ngto bed in the early hours of the morning and sleep nguntil the early afternoon". He added: "I'm not unhappy with life; in fact I'm quite happy living at home." According to Wilson's (since-discredited) 1991 autobiography '' Wouldn't It Be Nice: My Own Story'', the song was inspired by a late night trip to the beach: The song was written over the course of several weeks as Wilson tried to express the feelings he had experienced on that night he had spent alone at the beach. As he explains, "I struggled at the piano, experimenting with rhythms and chord changes, trying to emulate in sound the ocean's shifting tides and moods as well as its sheer enormity. I wanted the music to reflect the loneliness of floating a raft in the middle of the Pacific. I wanted each note to sound as if it was disappearing into the hugeness of the universe. Explaining how Wilson came up with the chords,
Don Was Don Edward Fagenson (born September 13, 1952), known professionally as Don Was, is an American musician, record producer and record executive. Primarily a bass player, Was co-founded the funk-rock band Was (Not Was). In later years he produced s ...
recalled, "he told me that he was sitting at a piano, creating geometric patterns with his fingers, trying not to move the fingers on the outside of the patterns, but limiting changes to internal movements. When he landed on a shape that both looked cool and sounded good, he wrote it down. So, essentially he created this masterpiece by contorting his fingers into really groovy shapes." However, Was said, "I've absolutely no idea whether this story has any basis in truth or whether he was just making it up on the spot to entertain me." Asked how he came up with the song in a 2007 interview, Wilson answered, "Well, I put a b note in g major 7th chord and it was a 3rd in the chord, and the note in the key of g resonates pretty well. Lyrically, I tried to put nature in there. Earth, water, rocks and leaves." He stated that the line "I'm a cork on the ocean" was the first thing lyrically that came to him. In the lyrics, Wilson compares himself to a cork on the ocean, a rock in a landslide, and a leaf on a windy day—seeing himself as a small, helpless object, being moved inconceivable distances by forces beyond his comprehension. "How deep is the ocean? How long will the wind blow?" The hopeless conclusion is given in the song's title.


Recording

Wilson recorded a solo piano demo of the song on November 4, 1969. According to some sources, when he presented the song to the band, one member initially voiced criticisms.
Bruce Johnston Bruce Arthur Johnston (born Benjamin Baldwin; June 27, 1942) is an American musician, singer, songwriter, and record producer who is a member of the Beach Boys. Johnston also collaborated on many records with Terry Melcher (his bandmate in Bru ...
remembered Brian "playing it for the band and one member of the band didn't understand it and put it down, and Brian just decided not to show it to us for a few months. He just put it away. I mean, he was absolutely crushed. This other person just didn't like it." Various sources state that
Mike Love Michael Edward Love (born March 15, 1941) is an American singer and songwriter who co-founded the Beach Boys with his cousins Brian, Dennis, and Carl Wilson and their friend Al Jardine. Characterized by his nasal tenor and occasional bass-bari ...
had called the song a "downer". Engineer Stephen Desper wrote that "the guys often thought the original lyrics to Til I Diewere drug derived." At one stage, to address the criticism, Wilson changed the lyrics from "It kills my soul" to "It holds me up" or "It fills my soul" and "I lost my way" to "I found my way". Ultimately, the rest of the group insisted that the original lyrics be kept as the new lyrics contradicted the lyrics in the verses. A recording of the song with these alternate lyrics still exists, and was released on the 2021 compilation
Feel Flows "Feel Flows" is a song recorded by American rock band the Beach Boys from their 1971 album '' Surf's Up''. It was written by guitarist Carl Wilson and band manager Jack Rieley, and was one of Wilson's first songs. Background and recording The ...
. The first dated session for the song was at
Beach Boys Studio Beach Boys Studio (also known as Brother Records Studio, Brother Recording Studio, and 10452 Bellagio Road) was a private recording studio owned by the Beach Boys. It was located within Brian Wilson's home at 10452 Bellagio Road in Los Angeles. ...
on August 15, 1970. The last dated session occurred on July 30, 1971. In Desper's recollection, Wilson played
Hammond B3 organ The Hammond organ is an electric organ invented by Laurens Hammond and John M. Hanert and first manufactured in 1935. Multiple models have been produced, most of which use sliding #Drawbars, drawbars to vary sounds. Until 1975, Hammond organs ...
while touring musician
Daryl Dragon Daryl Frank Dragon (August 27, 1942 – January 2, 2019) was an American musician, known as Captain from the pop musical duo Captain & Tennille with his then-wife, Toni Tennille. Career Born into a musical family, Dragon was the son of El ...
played vibraphone.
Al Jardine Alan Charles Jardine (born September 3, 1942) is an American musician, singer, and songwriter who co-founded the Beach Boys. He is best known as the band's rhythm guitarist and for occasionally singing lead vocals on singles such as "Help Me, Rho ...
said of the song, "it's really a good vocal sound, I think Desper deserves all the credit on that one, I mean we just had the best microphones, the best microphone technique and engineering on that particular piece and that particular time." Johnston expressed similar feelings towards the song as he states that "the track is very simple...and the great, great vocal arrangement that he wrote. Really, a great piece of work." An extended mix of the original recording, created by Desper, was included on the 1998 ''
Endless Harmony Soundtrack ''Endless Harmony Soundtrack'' is an anthology album of previously unheard material by The Beach Boys, originally released by Capitol Records in August 1998. Named for Bruce Johnston's song on the 1980 album ''Keepin' the Summer Alive'', it was ...
''. It is notable for having each instrumental layer come in after the other as an introduction and features more prominent vibraphone and organ throughout. The mix was reportedly done only for the engineer's self-interest. As Desper explains, the band "went out for lunch or something like that and since the song was already mounted and a mix up, I put together what I thought was a structure that better showcased the harmonic beauty of Brian's writing. Somewhere thereafter I did play the track for Carl, but only in the interest of disclosure, not to sway him to change the structure that Brian intended."


Release

The song was first released on the band's album ''Surf's Up'' on August 30, 1971. On October 11, 1971, the song was released in the United States as the flip-side of the "Long Promised Road" single, which had also been released earlier that year in May with a different B-side. The single entered the ''Billboard'' charts on October 30 in the No. 93 position. It peaked three weeks later at No. 89 on the ''Billboard'' charts, where it remained for one more week until the single dropped off the charts altogether. It was the first single by the group in 19 months to chart. However, at the time it was the lowest charting single in the group's history and it remained so for a further eighteen years.


Legacy and recognition

Bruce Johnston praised it as the last great Brian Wilson song as well as describing it as Wilson's "heaviest song." Johnston has also stated that "the words absolutely fit his mindset". Wilson also felt this was the case when he stated that "the song summed up everything I had to say at the time." In 2015, Love named the lyrics of Til I Die" his favorite of any written solely by Wilson, although he admitted, "I don't like the line 'it kills my soul' but I understand what he's saying." Biographer
Jon Stebbins Jon Stebbins is a Los Osos, California-based musician, songwriter, documentary producer and author of four books about The Beach Boys, as well as two other books. Music career Stebbins was a member of a music band called 'The Point' which was ac ...
wrote: Til I Die' proves that Brian could not only write beautiful music, but that he had the ability to communicate honestly and artfully with his lyrics as well. The track is decorated with a haunting vibraphone and organ bed, which frames the strong harmony vocal arrangement perfectly." As a solo artist, a remake of the song was recorded – along with an accompanying video – by Brian Wilson for inclusion in the 1995 documentary ''
I Just Wasn't Made for These Times "I Just Wasn't Made for These Times" is a song by American rock band the Beach Boys from their 1966 album ''Pet Sounds''. Written by Brian Wilson and Tony Asher, the lyrics describe the disillusionment of someone who struggles to fit into socie ...
'' and it would later appear on the film's soundtrack. This version, produced by Brian and
Don Was Don Edward Fagenson (born September 13, 1952), known professionally as Don Was, is an American musician, record producer and record executive. Primarily a bass player, Was co-founded the funk-rock band Was (Not Was). In later years he produced s ...
, is much more sparse than the original. Brian's re-recording of the song was released as the second track on a relatively rare UK single in 1995. However, the single failed to make any impact on the charts. In 2000, over a period of two days on April 7 and 8, Brian and his band recorded a live version of the song—based on Desper's extended mix—for inclusion on Brian's 2000 live album ''
Live at the Roxy Theatre ''Live at the Roxy Theatre'' is a live album released by Brian Wilson in 2000. After a successful period of touring following the release of '' Imagination'', Wilson decided to record his first-ever live solo album. Accompanied by his supportin ...
''. A sample of the song appears as part of the
soundtrack A soundtrack is recorded music accompanying and synchronised to the images of a motion picture, drama, book, television program, radio program, or video game; a commercially released soundtrack album of music as featured in the soundtrack o ...
to the 2014 film '' Love & Mercy'' on the track "The Bed Montage", composed by
Atticus Ross Atticus Matthew Cowper Ross (born 16 January 1968) is an English musician, record producer, composer, and audio engineer. Along with Trent Reznor, he won the Academy Award for Best Original Score for ''The Social Network'' in 2010. In 2013, th ...
.


Personnel

Credits from Craig Slowinski The Beach Boys *
Al Jardine Alan Charles Jardine (born September 3, 1942) is an American musician, singer, and songwriter who co-founded the Beach Boys. He is best known as the band's rhythm guitarist and for occasionally singing lead vocals on singles such as "Help Me, Rho ...
- backing vocals *
Bruce Johnston Bruce Arthur Johnston (born Benjamin Baldwin; June 27, 1942) is an American musician, singer, songwriter, and record producer who is a member of the Beach Boys. Johnston also collaborated on many records with Terry Melcher (his bandmate in Bru ...
- backing vocals, Hammond organ *
Mike Love Michael Edward Love (born March 15, 1941) is an American singer and songwriter who co-founded the Beach Boys with his cousins Brian, Dennis, and Carl Wilson and their friend Al Jardine. Characterized by his nasal tenor and occasional bass-bari ...
- lead and backing vocals *
Brian Wilson Brian Douglas Wilson (born June 20, 1942) is an American musician, singer, songwriter, and record producer who co-founded the Beach Boys. Often called a genius for his novel approaches to pop composition, extraordinary musical aptitude, and m ...
- lead and backing vocals, Hammond organ,
Rocksichord Rocky Mount Instruments (RMI) was a subsidiary of the Allen Organ Company, based in Rocky Mount, North Carolina, active from 1966 to 1982. The company was formed to produce portable musical instruments, and manufactured several electronic pianos ...
, snare drum, Maestro Rhythm King MRK-2 drum machine *
Carl Wilson Carl Dean Wilson (December 21, 1946 – February 6, 1998) was an American musician, singer, and songwriter who co-founded the Beach Boys. He was their lead guitarist, the youngest sibling of bandmates Brian and Dennis, and the group's ''de ...
- lead and backing vocals, acoustic guitar Additional musicians *
Daryl Dragon Daryl Frank Dragon (August 27, 1942 – January 2, 2019) was an American musician, known as Captain from the pop musical duo Captain & Tennille with his then-wife, Toni Tennille. Career Born into a musical family, Dragon was the son of El ...
- bass guitar, vibraphone * Stephen W. Desper -
Moog synthesizer The Moog synthesizer is a modular synthesizer developed by the American engineer Robert Moog. Moog debuted it in 1964, and Moog's company R. A. Moog Co. (later known as Moog Music) produced numerous models from 1965 to 1981, and again from 20 ...


Cover versions

*1992 –
Downy Mildew Downy mildew refers to any of several types of oomycete microbes that are obligate parasites of plants. Downy mildews exclusively belong to the Peronosporaceae family. In commercial agriculture, they are a particular problem for growers of crucif ...
, "Elevator" EP *1993 –
Medicine Medicine is the science and practice of caring for a patient, managing the diagnosis, prognosis, prevention, treatment, palliation of their injury or disease, and promoting their health. Medicine encompasses a variety of health care pract ...
, "Never Click" single *1996 –
The Josephine Wiggs Experience Miranda Cordelia Susan Josephine Wiggs (born 26 February 1963) is an English multi-instrumentalist rock musician, best known for her work as bassist in the alternative rock bands The Breeders and The Perfect Disaster. She has also formed multi ...
, ''Bon Bon'' *1997 – The Wilsons, '' The Wilsons'' (co-produced by Brian) *1997 – The Elements, ''Wouldn't It Be Nice: A Jazz Portrait of Brian Wilson'' *1997 – Clark Burroughs Group, ''Wouldn't It Be Nice: A Jazz Portrait of Brian Wilson'' *2000 – Christy McWilson, ''The Lucky One''. *2002 – Doug Powell, '' Making God Smile: An Artists' Tribute to the Songs of Beach Boy Brian Wilson''. *2005 –
Barenaked Ladies Barenaked Ladies is a Canadian rock band formed in 1988 in Scarborough, Ontario. The band developed a following in Canada, with their self-titled 1991 cassette becoming the first independent release to be certified gold in Canada. They reach ...
, performing an acoustic version of the song at a MusiCares concert honoring Brian Wilson. This performance was later released on DVD. *2006 – Marty Rudnick, ''More Songs About Cars and Girls''. *2010 –
Lightspeed Champion Devonté Hynes (born David Joseph Michael Hynes, 23 December 1985), also known as Blood Orange and formerly Lightspeed Champion, is an English singer, songwriter, record producer and director based in New York City. From 2004 to 2006, Hynes was ...
, ''Bye Bye EP'' *2013 –
Chris Schlarb Chris Schlarb (born July 10, 1977) is an American composer, songwriter, record producer, and guitarist. He is best known as the founder and leader of the Psychic Temple cult. Career In 1998, Schlarb co-founded the free improvisation ensemble Cre ...
, ''Psychic Temple II'' (features
Sufjan Stevens Sufjan Stevens ( ; born July 1, 1975) is an American singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist. He has released nine solo studio albums and multiple collaborative albums with other artists. Stevens has received Grammy and Academy Award nomi ...
and
Ikey Owens iKey, LTD, also known as iKey Industrial Peripherals, is an Austin, Texas-based manufacturer of rugged computer keyboards, mice and other peripherals. The company was founded in 1989 and currently works with several Fortune 500 companies. The comp ...
)


References

{{DEFAULTSORT:Til I Die 1971 singles The Beach Boys songs Brian Wilson songs Songs about death Songs about loneliness Songs written by Brian Wilson Song recordings produced by Brian Wilson Song recordings produced by the Beach Boys 1971 songs