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In addition to its standard interviews, ''
The Colbert Report ''The Colbert Report'' ( ) is an American late night television, late-night Late-night talk show, talk and news satire television program hosted by Stephen Colbert that aired four days a week on Comedy Central from October 17, 2005, to December ...
'' features many recurring segments that cover a variety of topics.


Alpha Dog of the Week

Alpha Dog of the Week is a segment in which Colbert heaps praise on one specific news maker from the previous week for, as Colbert himself puts it, being "such an imposing presence that people automatically fall in place behind you, deferentially sniffing your butt." The irony of the segment comes from the fact that the honoree has typically fallen from grace as a result of the supposed alpha behavior Colbert is celebrating.


Atone Phone

The Atone Phone was introduced in the 2006 season during the Jewish
High Holidays In Judaism, the High Holy Days, also known as High Holidays or Days of Awe (Yamim Noraim; , ''Yāmīm Nōrāʾīm'') consist of: #strictly, the holidays of Rosh Hashanah ("Jewish New Year") and Yom Kippur ("Day of Atonement"); #by extension, th ...
. Colbert interprets the
Ten Days of Repentance In Judaism, the Ten Days of Repentance (, ''ʿǍseret yəmēy təšūvā'') are the first ten days of the Hebrew month of Tishrei, beginning with the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah and ending with the conclusion of Yom Kippur. During this time J ...
to mean that Jewish people should apologize specifically to him, and introduces a hotline (1-888-OOPS-JEW) that Jews can call to apologize for anything that they may have done to "wrong" Colbert. The phone occasionally rings during the show, with an old style bell ringer that rings to the tune of ''
Hava Nagila "Hava Nagila" (, ''Hāvā Nāgīlā'', "Let us rejoice") is a Jewish folk song. It is traditionally sung at celebrations, such as weddings, Bar and bat mitzvahs, and other Jewish holidays among the Jewish community. Written in 1918, it quickly ...
''. The segment is reintroduced every season during the High Holidays, and each subsequent season it is revealed that the number to call has to be shared with another hotline that shares the same number, first 1-888-MOPS-KEY and later 1-888-MOSS-LEW., 1-888-MOS-PLEX, 1-888-NORS-LEZ, 1-888-O-MRS-LEX, and 1-888-O-NPR-LDY.


Better Know a District

Better Know a District is a recurring segment where Colbert interviews
members of Congress A member of congress (MOC), also known as a congressman or congresswoman, is a person who has been appointed or elected and inducted into an official body called a congress, typically to represent a particular constituency in a legislature. The t ...
from specific districts, hoping to fill all 434 spaces on his map. (The missing 435th district is California's 50th, which was declared dead to Stephen in 2005 following the Duke Cunningham
scandal A scandal can be broadly defined as the strong social reactions of outrage, anger, or surprise, when accusations or rumours circulate or appear for some reason, regarding a person or persons who are perceived to have transgressed in some way a ...
, because it had "let Duke down." On Ash Wednesday in 2006, its status was changed to "never existed to me," making it the only item in that category.) The segment features Colbert first giving a short history lesson on the
district A district is a type of administrative division that in some countries is managed by the local government. Across the world, areas known as "districts" vary greatly in size, spanning regions or county, counties, several municipality, municip ...
, then interviewing the representative and asking them "loaded" questions.


Spinoffs

* Better Know a Challenger, a segment during the 2006 Congressional Elections where Colbert interviewed challengers because the incumbent declined to appear on his show. * Better Know a Protectorate, a 4-part series focusing on the
protectorate A protectorate, in the context of international relations, is a State (polity), state that is under protection by another state for defence against aggression and other violations of law. It is a dependent territory that enjoys autonomy over ...
s of the United States. * Better Know a Founder, a 56-part series focusing on the signers of the
United States Declaration of Independence The Declaration of Independence, formally The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen States of America in the original printing, is the founding document of the United States. On July 4, 1776, it was adopted unanimously by the Second Continen ...
. * Better Know a President, a 43-part series where Colbert interviews former Presidents by speaking to
impersonator An impersonator is someone who imitates or copies the behavior or actions of another. There are many reasons for impersonating someone: *Living history: After close study of some historical figure, a performer may dress and speak "as" that ...
s. * Meet an Ally, a series focusing on the nations in the
Coalition of the Willing A ''coalition of the willing'' is a temporary international partnership created for the purpose of achieving a particular objective, usually of military or political nature. Origin The term was coined in the early 1970s by MIT professor Linco ...
. * Betterer Know a District, features extended versions of previously shown interviews. * Better Know a Memory, a "recap" of sorts following the 2006 elections, showing "better known" representatives that had been returned to Congress. * Better Know a Presidential Candidate Who'll Talk to Me, an indefinite series featuring interviews with presidential candidates from the 2008 presidential election. To date, only Republicans
Mike Huckabee Michael Dale Huckabee (, born August 24, 1955) is an American diplomat, political commentator, Baptist minister, and politician serving as the 29th United States Ambassador to Israel, United States ambassador to Israel since 2025. A member of ...
(who asked Colbert to be his running mate) and
Ron Paul Ronald Ernest Paul (born August 20, 1935) is an American author, activist, and politician who served as the U.S. representative for Texas's 22nd congressional district from 1976 to 1977, and again from 1979 to 1985, as well as for Texas' ...
have appeared for such interviews, although
Hillary Clinton Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton ( Rodham; born October 26, 1947) is an American politician, lawyer and diplomat. She was the 67th United States secretary of state in the administration of Barack Obama from 2009 to 2013, a U.S. senator represent ...
,
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
, and
John Edwards Johnny Reid Edwards (born June 10, 1953) is an American lawyer and former politician who represented North Carolina in the United States Senate from 1999 to 2005. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the vice presidential nominee under ...
have all made appearances on the Report. * Better Know a Governor, a series focusing on state governors (starting with
Mark Sanford Marshall Clement "Mark" Sanford Jr. (born May 28, 1960) is an American politician and author who served as the U.S. representative for South Carolina's 1st congressional district from 1995 to 2001 and from 2013 to 2019, and as the 115th govern ...
) * Better Know a Lobby, a 35,000-part (originally infinite-part) series, introduced on the February 6, 2008 episode, focusing on
lobbyists Lobbying is a form of advocacy, which lawfully attempts to directly influence legislators or government officials, such as regulatory agencies or judiciary. Lobbying involves direct, face-to-face contact and is carried out by various entities, in ...
that work on Capitol Hill. * Better Know a Beatle, a 4-part series focusing on the members of
The Beatles The Beatles were an English Rock music, rock band formed in Liverpool in 1960. The core lineup of the band comprised John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. They are widely regarded as the Cultural impact of the Beatle ...
. * Better Know a Cradle of Civilization, a 1-part series about the history of Iraq shown during Operation Iraqi Stephen. * Better Know a Made Up District, a nintelligiblepart series about made up districts; a reference to inaccurate submissions to the United States government's website that tracks the spending of stimulus money, by business people who made up congressional districts. * Better Know a Stephen, a segment introduced December 16, 2009 in which Colbert interviews other prominent men named Stephen (specifically spelled with a "ph"). * Better Know an Enemy, a series focusing on the terrorist enemies. * Better Know a Riding, a 1-part segment focusing on the
Canadian Electoral District An electoral district in Canada is a geographical constituency upon which Canada's representative democracy is based. It is officially known in Canadian French as a ''circonscription'' but frequently called a ''comté'' (county). In Canadian En ...
held by Member of Parliament
Ujjal Dosanjh Ujjal Dev Dosanjh (; born September 9, 1947) is a Canadian lawyer and politician. He served as the 33rd premier of British Columbia from 2000 to 2001 and as a Liberal Party of Canada member of Parliament from 2004 to 2011. He was minister of he ...
which took place on February 22, 2010 during the
2010 Winter Olympics The 2010 Winter Olympics, officially known as the XXI Olympic Winter Games () and also known as Vancouver 2010 (), were an international winter multi-sport event held from February 12 to 28, 2010 in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, with ...
in
Vancouver Vancouver is a major city in Western Canada, located in the Lower Mainland region of British Columbia. As the List of cities in British Columbia, most populous city in the province, the 2021 Canadian census recorded 662,248 people in the cit ...
,
British Columbia British Columbia is the westernmost Provinces and territories of Canada, province of Canada. Situated in the Pacific Northwest between the Pacific Ocean and the Rocky Mountains, the province has a diverse geography, with rugged landscapes that ...
,
Canada Canada is a country in North America. Its Provinces and territories of Canada, ten provinces and three territories extend from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean and northward into the Arctic Ocean, making it the world's List of coun ...
. The riding profiled was
Vancouver South Vancouver South () was a federal electoral district in British Columbia, Canada, that was represented in the House of Commons of Canada from 1917 to 1997, and again from 2004 to 2025. It covers the southern portion of the city of Vancouver, Br ...
, where the Olympics took place. * Better Know a Kissinger, A one part series on Henry Kissinger prior to Colbert's interview of Henry Kissinger. * Better Know a Salinger/Hemingway, One-part series on whoever he profiles in the Colbert book club. * Better Know a America, A one part series in which Stephen Colbert interviews President Obama.


The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude

A segment that is featured around Christmas season where Colbert covers stories that involve people suggested to be attacking Christmas getting foiled in various ways.


The Boards

Originating from phrases used by Colbert as a warning or condemnation, the On Notice and Dead to Me boards are giant blue boards listing people and things that have angered Colbert. When the On Notice board is full, Colbert is forced to either remove an item or transfer it to the Dead to Me board, which is reserved for his most hated nemeses. One-off variations have included a Called Out white board on August 14, 2006, a red Fantasies board on January 31, 2007, a Do Not Say board on April 25, 2007 and a pocket-sized "On Notice" board on October 2, 2007.


Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

Cheating Death is a medical and health-related segment. During Cheating Death, Colbert refers to himself as Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A., a reference to the Honorary Fine Arts Doctorate that was awarded to him by Knox College. The introduction graphic to this segment is a reference to the chess game with
Death Death is the end of life; the irreversible cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism. Death eventually and inevitably occurs in all organisms. The remains of a former organism normally begin to decompose sh ...
in
Ingmar Bergman Ernst Ingmar Bergman (14 July 1918 – 30 July 2007) was a Swedish film and theatre director and screenwriter. Widely considered one of the greatest and most influential film directors of all time, his films have been described as "profoun ...
's film ''
The Seventh Seal ''The Seventh Seal'' () is a 1957 Swedish historical fantasy film written and directed by Ingmar Bergman. Set in Sweden during the Black Death, it tells of the journey of a medieval knight (Max von Sydow) and a game of chess he plays with the p ...
'', with Colbert wearing scrubs as he uses trickery to literally cheat Death and win (another variant has him conning Death out of its money at three card monte). Colbert usually then prefaces each segment by noting that he is not a medical doctor, but a Doctor of Fine Arts, followed by a joke about what he is allowed to do (example: delivering babies through
Georgia O'Keeffe Georgia Totto O'Keeffe (November 15, 1887 March 6, 1986) was an American Modernism, modernist painter and drafter, draftswoman whose career spanned seven decades and whose work remained largely independent of major art movements. Called the "M ...
paintings). The segment usually features accounts of actual medical and health news, including recent breakthroughs and announcements of the type found on other medical and health segments which then segue into plugs for the (fictional) sponsor, Prescott Pharmaceuticals, and their highly dubious "Vaxa" product line. (Prescott Pharmaceuticals is apparently part of a large, rather shady company known as the Prescott Group, whom Colbert frequently promotes. Their other divisions include Prescott Oil and Prescott Finance.) This health advice is generally dangerous or unhelpful, and said products also cause bizarre side effects such as "Skeletal Xylophoning", or " REO Speedlung". The segment always ends with Colbert saying, "I'll see you in health!," a play on the phrase, "I'll see you in hell!" On the April 25, 2011 episode, Colbert renamed his product line "Vacsa", after he received a cease-and-desist letter from a company whose line of homeopathic products is actually called Växa. He insisted that any similarities between the two names was purely "axidental". The segment was used as the culmination of the program's
series finale A series finale is the final installment of an episodic entertainment series, most often a television series. It may also refer to a final theatrical sequel, the last part of a television miniseries, the last installment of a literary series, ...
; Death (who is referred to as Grimmy), who was intended to be the show's final guest, does not fall for Colbert's tricks and strangles him upon watching him actually cheat. This results in a struggle that ends with Colbert accidentally killing Death with his pistol Sweetness and becoming an immortal.


Colbert Platinum (CP)

Colbert Platinum is ''The Colbert Report's'' version of High Net Worth (HNW) on
CNBC CNBC is an American List of business news channels, business news channel owned by the NBCUniversal News Group, a unit of Comcast's NBCUniversal. The network broadcasts live business news and analysis programming during the morning, Day ...
. It profiles expensive and high-profile items, like personal submarines and $750,000
pens PEN may refer to: * (National Ecological Party), former name of the Brazilian political party Patriota (PATRI) *PEN International, a worldwide association of writers **English PEN, the founding centre of PEN International **PEN America, located in ...
, which only the "super rich" could afford. In the introduction, Colbert reminds viewers that the segment is for billionaires "only," instructing "poor" millionaire viewers to change the channel. On October 20, 2008, Colbert Platinum was spun off as Colbert Aluminum, due to the
2008 financial crisis The 2008 financial crisis, also known as the global financial crisis (GFC), was a major worldwide financial crisis centered in the United States. The causes of the 2008 crisis included excessive speculation on housing values by both homeowners ...
. Its focus was the formerly wealthy, Colbert telling viewers not to watch "if you haven't had a yacht repossessed in the last six months." As of August 20, 2009, Colbert announced that the recession was over and that Colbert Platinum had been reinstated.


Cold War Update

Cold War Update is a segment where Colbert dismisses "rumors" that the
Cold War The Cold War was a period of global Geopolitics, geopolitical rivalry between the United States (US) and the Soviet Union (USSR) and their respective allies, the capitalist Western Bloc and communist Eastern Bloc, which lasted from 1947 unt ...
ended with the
dissolution of the Soviet Union The Soviet Union was formally dissolved as a sovereign state and subject of international law on 26 December 1991 by Declaration No. 142-N of the Soviet of the Republics of the Supreme Soviet of the Soviet Union. Declaration No. 142-Н of ...
in 1991. The segment covers news from former
Soviet Bloc The Eastern Bloc, also known as the Communist Bloc (Combloc), the Socialist Bloc, the Workers Bloc, and the Soviet Bloc, was an unofficial coalition of communist states of Central and Eastern Europe, Asia, Africa, and Latin America that were a ...
countries, such as
Cuba Cuba, officially the Republic of Cuba, is an island country, comprising the island of Cuba (largest island), Isla de la Juventud, and List of islands of Cuba, 4,195 islands, islets and cays surrounding the main island. It is located where the ...
,
North Korea North Korea, officially the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK), is a country in East Asia. It constitutes the northern half of the Korea, Korean Peninsula and borders China and Russia to the north at the Yalu River, Yalu (Amnok) an ...
,
Russia Russia, or the Russian Federation, is a country spanning Eastern Europe and North Asia. It is the list of countries and dependencies by area, largest country in the world, and extends across Time in Russia, eleven time zones, sharing Borders ...
,
China China, officially the People's Republic of China (PRC), is a country in East Asia. With population of China, a population exceeding 1.4 billion, it is the list of countries by population (United Nations), second-most populous country after ...
, and
Yugoslavia , common_name = Yugoslavia , life_span = 1918–19921941–1945: World War II in Yugoslavia#Axis invasion and dismemberment of Yugoslavia, Axis occupation , p1 = Kingdom of SerbiaSerbia , flag_p ...
.


The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard

The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard is a segment in which Colbert highlights a "bizarre" recent news item. It likens to ''
The O'Reilly Factor ''The O'Reilly Factor'' (originally titled ''The O'Reilly Report'' and also known as ''The Factor'') is an American cable television news and talk show. ''The O'Reilly Factor'' first aired in the United States on Fox News Channel on October 7 ...
's'' "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day." Variants include "The Most Poetic F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard."


The DaColbert Code

A parody of
Dan Brown Daniel Gerhard Brown (born June 22, 1964) is an American author best known for his Thriller (genre), thriller novels, including the Robert Langdon (book series), Robert Langdon novels ''Angels & Demons'' (2000), ''The Da Vinci Code'' (2003), '' ...
's ''
The Da Vinci Code ''The Da Vinci Code'' is a 2003 mystery thriller novel by Dan Brown. It is “the best-selling American novel of all time.” Brown's second novel to include the character Robert Langdon—the first was his 2000 novel '' Angels & Demons'' ...
'', "The DaColbert Code" is an occasional segment in which Colbert uses his mysterious code (actually an elaborate word association game) to uncover past and future events. This typically leads Colbert to form absurd conclusions, such as that
Mike Myers Michael John Myers, (born May 25, 1963) is a Canadian actor, comedian, and filmmaker. His accolades include seven MTV Movie & TV Awards, a Primetime Emmy Award, and a Screen Actors Guild Award. In 2002, he was awarded a star on the Hollywood W ...
was responsible for the
Hurricane Katrina Hurricane Katrina was a powerful, devastating and historic tropical cyclone that caused 1,392 fatalities and damages estimated at $125 billion in late August 2005, particularly in the city of New Orleans and its surrounding area. ...
debacle — although in 2006 and 2009 he used the DaColbert Code to accurately predict the five top Oscar winners and shortly before the 2008 elections, the code repeatedly said that
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
would be the next US president. The segment uses
Leonardo da Vinci Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci (15 April 1452 - 2 May 1519) was an Italian polymath of the High Renaissance who was active as a painter, draughtsman, engineer, scientist, theorist, sculptor, and architect. While his fame initially rested o ...
's ''
Mona Lisa The ''Mona Lisa'' is a half-length portrait painting by the Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci. Considered an archetypal masterpiece of the Italian Renaissance, it has been described as "the best known, the most visited, the most written about, ...
'' as its opening graphic, with Colbert's face edited in. On every occasion, he illustrates how it works by giving a test of it by predicting who killed
John F. Kennedy John Fitzgerald Kennedy (May 29, 1917 – November 22, 1963), also known as JFK, was the 35th president of the United States, serving from 1961 until his assassination in 1963. He was the first Roman Catholic and youngest person elected p ...
, which at each time had led to a different suspect, including Jacqueline,
Johnson Johnson may refer to: People and fictional characters *Johnson (surname), a common surname in English * Johnson (given name), a list of people * List of people with surname Johnson, including fictional characters *Johnson (composer) (1953–2011) ...
,
Nixon Richard Milhous Nixon (January 9, 1913April 22, 1994) was the 37th president of the United States, serving from 1969 until his resignation in 1974. A member of the Republican Party, he previously served as the 36th vice president under P ...
, and Kennedy himself.


Democralypse Now!

Democralypse Now! was introduced during the 2008 presidential primaries and covered how the Democratic party was "destroying itself" through
Hillary Clinton Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton ( Rodham; born October 26, 1947) is an American politician, lawyer and diplomat. She was the 67th United States secretary of state in the administration of Barack Obama from 2009 to 2013, a U.S. senator represent ...
and
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
's competing bids for the presidential nomination. The title is a
portmanteau In linguistics, a blend—also known as a blend word, lexical blend, or portmanteau—is a word formed by combining the meanings, and parts of the sounds, of two or more words together.
, combining the title of left-leaning progressive syndicated news program
Democracy Now! ''Democracy Now!'' is an hour-long TV, radio, and Internet news program based in Manhattan and hosted by journalists Amy Goodman (who also acts as the show's executive producer), Juan González, and Nermeen Shaikh. The show, which airs live ...
with that of the film ''
Apocalypse Now ''Apocalypse Now'' is a 1979 American psychological epic war film produced and directed by Francis Ford Coppola. The screenplay, co-written by Coppola, John Milius, and Michael Herr, is loosely inspired by the 1899 novella '' Heart of Darkn ...
''. (The opening sequence alludes to the film with the song "
Ride of the Valkyries The ''Ride of the Valkyries'' () is the popular name of the prelude to the first scene of the third and last act of ''Die Walküre'', the second of the four epic music dramas that constitute the operatic cycle ''Der Ring des Nibelungen'' (Englis ...
" and a cutout of
John McCain John Sidney McCain III (August 29, 1936 – August 25, 2018) was an American statesman and United States Navy, naval officer who represented the Arizona, state of Arizona in United States Congress, Congress for over 35 years, first as ...
's head quoting the film's famous line "The horror ... the horror!")


Difference Makers

Difference Makers pays tribute to ordinary Americans whom Colbert deems to be making a difference, usually in promoting a passionate cause of dubious value, such as a woman who believes that teaching
pole dancing Pole dance combines dance and acrobatics centered around a vertical pole. This performance art form takes place not only in strip club, gentleman's clubs as a form of erotic dance, but also as a mainstream form of fitness, practiced in gyms and ...
is a
feminist Feminism is a range of socio-political movements and ideology, ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social gender equality, equality of the sexes. Feminism holds the position that modern soci ...
cause. The Difference Maker being profiled is described in heroic superlatives, and the segments feature patriotic background music, but the interviews shown invariably contradict the narrator's praising statements. This is one of the few segments in which Colbert does not feature at all, except as the narrator. The name bears a similarity to that of the
NBC Nightly News ''NBC Nightly News'' (titled as ''NBC Nightly News with Tom Llamas'' for its weeknight broadcasts ) is the flagship daily evening News broadcasting#Television, television news program for NBC News, the news division of the NBC television network ...
human interest In journalism, a human-interest story is a feature story that discusses people or pets in an emotional way. It presents people and their problems, concerns, or achievements in a way that brings about interest, sympathy or motivation in the reader ...
segment "Making A Difference".


The Enemy Within

The Enemy Within is part of a series of segments labeled as Colbert Report Special Reports. The intro features a seemingly ordinary family taking a picture, only for aliens to pop out at the end. In the segment, Stephen uses a faux narration style to label a seemingly benign thing that has bended a law (like toddlers and unicycles) as an enemy.


Formidable Opponent

For the Formidable Opponent, Colbert debates a topic against the only person he deems truly worthy of his opposition: himself. The segment gives the appearance that there are two Stephen Colberts, each facing the other, wearing different colored ties (usually a blue tie for the liberal Colbert and red for the conservative) and standing against different backdrops, an illusion attained through use of a green screen and
chroma-key Chroma key compositing, or chroma keying, is a Visual effects, visual-effects and post-production technique for compositing (layering) two or more images or video streams together based on colour hues (colorfulness, chroma range). The techniq ...
technology to change the color of Colbert's tie. One of the Colberts will generally take a more liberal position, while the other will take a more characteristic ultra-
conservative Conservatism is a cultural, social, and political philosophy and ideology that seeks to promote and preserve traditional institutions, customs, and values. The central tenets of conservatism may vary in relation to the culture and civiliza ...
view. The conservative Colbert will almost always win, generally posing an extremely unlikely hypothetical situation (either concerning special circumstances or hypothetical fallout), and using that for his justifications. To date, the only time the 'liberal' Colbert has won was on the episode airing on November 4, 2009. In this episode, the 'liberal' Colbert called on
Al Gore Albert Arnold Gore Jr. (born March 31, 1948) is an American former politician, businessman, and environmentalist who served as the 45th vice president of the United States from 1993 to 2001 under President Bill Clinton. He previously served as ...
(who was there in person) to help him argue. The ultra-conservative Colbert then called his own version of Al Gore (also played by the real Al Gore). However, unlike the two debating Stephens, "both" Al Gores were of the same opinion, and convinced the conservative Colbert that they were right. The final installment of Formidable Opponent aired on December 15, 2014. During a debate on the United States' use of torture — the same topic the two had debated during the show's first month — the liberal Colbert convinced his conservative counterpart to admit to being an imaginary character. As the segment ended, the conservative Colbert faded from existence, leaving only the liberal Colbert.


Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-calypse

In the Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-calypse segment Colbert criticizes the media (radio, film, television, and books) for hastening the
end of civilization A global catastrophic risk or a doomsday scenario is a hypothetical event that could damage human well-being on a global scale, endangering or even destroying modern civilization. Existential risk is a related term limited to events that co ...
. The name of the segment is a reference to the biblical characters of the
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are figures in the Book of Revelation in the New Testament of the Bible, a piece of apocalypse literature attributed to John of Patmos, and generally regarded as dating from about AD 95. Similar allusions a ...


Freedom Trivia

These short messages frequently appeared on screen immediately before or after commercial breaks during the show's first season. The titles were typically
portmanteau In linguistics, a blend—also known as a blend word, lexical blend, or portmanteau—is a word formed by combining the meanings, and parts of the sounds, of two or more words together.
x, ranging from Fracts (
Freedom Freedom is the power or right to speak, act, and change as one wants without hindrance or restraint. Freedom is often associated with liberty and autonomy in the sense of "giving oneself one's own laws". In one definition, something is "free" i ...
Fact A fact is a truth, true data, datum about one or more aspects of a circumstance. Standard reference works are often used to Fact-checking, check facts. Science, Scientific facts are verified by repeatable careful observation or measurement by ...
s), to Friddles (Freedom
Riddle A riddle is a :wikt:statement, statement, question, or phrase having a double or veiled meaning, put forth as a puzzle to be solved. Riddles are of two types: ''enigmas'', which are problems generally expressed in metaphorical or Allegory, alleg ...
s), Franagrams (Freedom
Anagram An anagram is a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of a different word or phrase, typically using all the original letters exactly once. For example, the word ''anagram'' itself can be rearranged into the phrase "nag a ram"; which ...
s) and Frnaps (Freedom
Snaps In the Nordic countries, especially Denmark and Sweden, but not in Iceland, snaps ( , ), among many nicknames, is a small shot of a strong alcoholic beverage taken during the course of a meal. In Denmark, a snaps will always be akvavit, althou ...
).
Drinking game Drinking games are games which involve the consumption of alcoholic beverages and often enduring the subsequent intoxication resulting from them. Evidence of the existence of drinking games dates back to antiquity. Drinking games have been banne ...
s and Freedom Trivia were also offered. The messages displayed were typically reflective of Colbert's exaggerated patriotism and inflated ego, for instance, "Did you know… In 1983, Stephen legally changed his middle name to 'Gettysburg Address'." They were discontinued soon after the commencement of the show's second season; the last Freedom Trivia message appeared in the January 26, 2006 episode of the ''Report''.


Indecision 2010: Revenge of the Fallen

Coverage of the 2010 midterm elections. Republicans were poised to re-take the House of Representatives and possibly the Senate. The segment subtitle is from the movie '' Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen''. In this case, the "fallen" are the Republicans. Senator Mitch McConnell is shown as transforming from a turtle, and Minority Leader John Boehner is shown as transforming from an orange traffic cone.


Monkey on the Lam

Monkey on the Lam first appeared in August 2007 after a monkey escaped and went " on the lam" in Wisconsin. It has recurred occasionally, featuring stories of escaped monkeys, but mostly revolving around Colbert's disappointment upon the discovery that whatever story is being profiled has been resolved and will not need follow up, giving him no excuse to use the graphic featuring a monkey riding a lamb and firing a gun. A "Lobster Edition" of the segment was also featured, using the same graphic.


Movies That Are Destroying America

Movies That Are Destroying America is a film review segment in which Colbert provides his opinions on recently released movies—often, he admits, without actually having seen anything more than the trailers (which he claims "give you the best part of the movie anyway"). This often leads to a humorous and mistaken impression of the movies being reviewed as Colbert viciously attacks films that most would consider to be benign (such as ''
Over the Hedge ''Over the Hedge'' is a 2006 American animated heist comedy film produced by DreamWorks Animation SKG. Based on the comic strip of the same name, the film was directed by Tim Johnson and Karey Kirkpatrick from a screenplay by Len Blum, ...
'' and ''
Pride and Prejudice ''Pride and Prejudice'' is the second published novel (but third to be written) by English author Jane Austen, written when she was age 20-21, and later published in 1813. A novel of manners, it follows the character development of Elizabe ...
''), then praises a movie that conservatives have found objectionable (such as ''
Brokeback Mountain ''Brokeback Mountain'' is a 2005 American neo-Western romantic drama film directed by Ang Lee and produced by Diana Ossana and James Schamus. Adapted from Brokeback Mountain (short story), the 1997 short story by Annie Proulx, the screenplay ...
''). The segment has featured an "Awards Edition," a "Christmas Edition," and a "Summer Blockbuster Edition."


Nailed 'Em

Nailed 'Em is a segment where Colbert covers a dubious triumph of "Order & Law". The segment involves someone breaking a minor or absurd law, and being brought to justice - for example, a man who was charged for allowing his spouse to eat from his plate at an all-you-can-eat restaurant. The segment is narrated by Colbert, who uses various dramatic rhetoric and strange metaphors to portray the law-breaker as a horrid criminal. In certain cases, Colbert follows up a story on this segment by "punishing" the "criminal" in a way that sarcastically underscores the absurdity of the crime for which they were "nailed." An example of this is when a young boy who loved to read had his library card revoked because his family lived in a different borough than their library of choice, and as such did not pay taxes that supported that library. He was featured on this segment, and Colbert responded by "forcing" the boy to read even more books, which he enacted by sending him a box full of books previously featured on his show, as well as a collector's box-set of the entire
Harry Potter ''Harry Potter'' is a series of seven Fantasy literature, fantasy novels written by British author J. K. Rowling. The novels chronicle the lives of a young Magician (fantasy), wizard, Harry Potter (character), Harry Potter, and his friends ...
series, signed by Colbert himself.


People Destroying America

In a similar style to that of Nailed 'Em and Difference Makers, People Destroying America features interviews surrounding a person who has committed some sort of trivial action or offense that Colbert deems to be "destroying America." The narration, usually read by Colbert, tends to describe the subject and their supposed offense in ominous superlatives which are invariably contradicted by the benign responses of the interviewees.


Sam Waterston Says Things You Should Never Believe in a Trustworthy Manner

Sam Waterston Says Things You Should Never Believe in a Trustworthy Manner is a brief segment featuring ''
Law & Order ''Law & Order'' is an American police procedural and legal drama television series created by Dick Wolf and produced by Wolf Entertainment and Universal Television, launching the ''Law & Order'' franchise. ''Law & Order'' aired its entire ...
'' star
Sam Waterston Samuel Atkinson Waterston (born November 15, 1940) is an American actor. Waterston is known for his work in theater, television, and film. He has received numerous accolades including a Primetime Emmy Award, Golden Globe Award, and Screen Actor ...
, who, as the title suggests, says things you should never believe in a trustworthy manner—things such as, " I'm from the future. Come with me if you want to live." It was introduced in January 2008 to illustrate the perils of relying on the "folksy" charms of then-presidential candidate and ''Law & Order'' costar
Fred Thompson Freddie Dalton Thompson (August 19, 1942 – November 1, 2015) was an American politician, attorney, lobbyist, columnist, actor, and radio personality. A member of the Republican Party (United States), Republican Party, he served as a Unite ...
, who, to the distress of Colbert, was frequently hailed as a " Reagan figure" by the press. The segment ran three times (although Colbert claimed that he has proven the case "dozens of times"), and was discontinued after Thompson withdrew from his campaign for the presidency.


Smokin' Pole: The Fight for Arctic Riches

Smokin' Pole: The Fight for Arctic Riches is a segment in which Colbert recaps news surrounding the world's nations laying claim to the resources of the
Arctic Circle The Arctic Circle is one of the two polar circles, and the northernmost of the five major circle of latitude, circles of latitude as shown on maps of Earth at about 66° 34' N. Its southern counterpart is the Antarctic Circle. The Arctic Circl ...
. This segment was originally titled "Arc! Who goes there?"


Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz

Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz is an "educational" children's segment providing lessons on what Colbert deems to be important issues. It features a panel of four children interviewing adult "experts" whose typically absurd answers elicit bemused or horrified reactions from the young panel. The segment is filmed in two separate parts - field interviews with, or re-cut news footage of the "experts"; and the children's questions and reactions - which are then edited together to create the final piece.


Stephen Colbert's Bears & Balls

A financial advice segment in the style of ''
Mad Money ''Mad Money'' is an American finance television program hosted by Jim Cramer that began airing on CNBC on March 14, 2005. Its main focus is investment and speculation, particularly in public company stocks. ''Mad Money'' replaced '' Bullseye' ...
'', Bears and Balls features an over-sized red button that, when pressed, bleats out simplistic answers (frequently "Bees!") to finance-related questions, although Colbert will sometimes have to press it several times (each time emitting irrelevant and often comedic answers) before eliciting a response relevant to the question. The button occasionally gives an answer before Colbert even presses it.


Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position

A segment in which Colbert searches for a job other than being a political pundit, such as a spy or a Thunderbird. In each of these segments, he interviews someone in the profession he is considering and asks them why he should choose that job. At the end of the interview, Colbert becomes convinced and tries out his fallback position.


Stephen Colbert's Skate Expectations

Stephen Colbert's Skate Expectations: Kicking Ice and Taking Donations On the Slippery Slope Down the Icy Path to the Frozen Road Up to Vancouver '010 was a four-part series where Colbert would profile a sport in the
2010 Winter Olympics The 2010 Winter Olympics, officially known as the XXI Olympic Winter Games () and also known as Vancouver 2010 (), were an international winter multi-sport event held from February 12 to 28, 2010 in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, with ...
and try out for the corresponding US team. In each of the segments,
skeleton A skeleton is the structural frame that supports the body of most animals. There are several types of skeletons, including the exoskeleton, which is a rigid outer shell that holds up an organism's shape; the endoskeleton, a rigid internal fra ...
,
bobsled Bobsleigh or bobsled is a winter sport in which teams of 2 to 4 athletes make timed speed runs down narrow, twisting, banked, iced tracks in a gravity-powered sleigh. International bobsleigh competitions are governed by the International Bobs ...
ding,
curling Curling is a sport in which players slide #Curling stone, stones on a sheet of ice toward a target area that is segmented into four concentric circles. It is related to bowls, boules, and shuffleboard. Two teams, each with four players, take t ...
, and
speed skating Speed skating is a competitive form of ice skating in which the competitors race each other in travelling a certain distance on skates. Types of speed skating are long-track speed skating, short-track speed skating, and marathon speed skat ...
were all profiled.
Luge A luge () is a small one- or two-person sled on which one sleds Supine position, supine (face-up) and feet-first. A luger begins seated, propelling themselves initially from handles on either side of the start ramp, then steers by using the Ca ...
was passed upon, due to it being considered the "gayest sport". The final segment featured the race between Colbert and Olympic skater
Shani Davis Shani Earl Davis (; born August 13, 1982) is an American former Speed skating, speed skater. At the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, Davis win a gold medal in an individual event at the Winter Olympic Games, winning the speedskating 1000 m ...
, which was issued after Davis called Colbert "a jerk" for slamming Canada for not allowing the US speedskating team to practice in their arena.


Stephen Colbert's Sport Report

Stephen Colbert's Sport Report (both pronounced with silent "t"s) was originally created to cover the
Saginaw Spirit The Saginaw Spirit are a Junior ice hockey#Major junior, major junior ice hockey team based in Saginaw, Michigan, Saginaw, Michigan. They are members of the West Division of the Western Conference of the Ontario Hockey League (OHL), one of the ...
, an
Ontario Hockey League The Ontario Hockey League (OHL; ) is one of the three major junior ice hockey leagues which constitute the Canadian Hockey League, alongside the Western Hockey League and the Quebec Maritimes Junior Hockey League. The league is for players ag ...
junior ice hockey Junior ice hockey is amateur-level ice hockey for 16 to 20 year-old players. National Junior teams compete annually for the IIHF World Junior Championship. The United States men's national junior ice hockey team are the defending champions from ...
team whose secondary mascot, Steagle Colbeagle, was named after Colbert. The Spirit was the driving force of the segment at its inception, with Colbert recapping games, trash-talking upcoming opponents and advising the team's coach, but it later became a segment for general sports-related topics, once taking up an entire show on its own during the writer's strike.


Stephen Hawking is Such an A-Hole

Presented as covering stories regarding astro physicist
Stephen Hawking Stephen William Hawking (8January 194214March 2018) was an English theoretical physics, theoretical physicist, cosmologist, and author who was director of research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology at the University of Cambridge. Between ...
, by which Colbert portrays him in a light that suggests that he is a jerk.


Stephen's Sound Advice

Stephen's Sound Advice is an advice segment during which Colbert offers absurdist remedies for problems such as taxes,
power blackout A power outage, also called a blackout, a power failure, a power blackout, a power loss, a power cut, or a power out is the complete loss of the electrical power network supply to an end user. There are many causes of power failures in an el ...
s and
identity theft Identity theft, identity piracy or identity infringement occurs when someone uses another's personal identifying information, like their name, identifying number, or credit card number, without their permission, to commit fraud or other crimes. ...
.


Tek Jansen

Fully titled: ''Stephen Colbert Presents: Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: The New Tek Jansen Adventures'', the Tek Jansen shorts are animated adventures, purportedly of the main character of Colbert's (fictional) unpublished book, ''Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure''. The shorts could be said to be formulaic and over the top, with each one featuring Jansen taking part in heroic adventures, becoming amorous with every woman (human and otherwise) he meets, spouting one-liners, and falling into mortal danger in a cliffhanger ending. Invariably the real Colbert will react to the animated goings-on as if he, too, finds it as exciting as the narrator does.


Thought for Food

In this recurring segment, Colbert presents food issues of the day like obesity, Coney Islands Hot Dog Eating Contest or new fast food offerings, targeting overboarding creations. Some quotes: * ''Americans are always reaching for the stars...in our boxes of Lucky Charms.'' * ''The Coney Island Hot Dog eating contest is the most patriotic observance of the Fourth of July short of a hot dog shooting contest.'' * ''The Friendly's Grilled Cheese Burger Melt is "like your lunch, and two other people's lunches are having a three-way in your mouth.'' * ''What if you had a grilled cheese sandwich, where the bread was two other grilled cheese sandwiches? And then, what if those two grilled cheese sandwiches also had grilled cheese sandwiches for bread, and so on, in an endlessly recursive series of dual-state cheese sandwich bread cheese sandwiches, extending into infinity? Prepare yourself nation, for I have invented the Mobius Melt: You'll never want to stop eating it, and in theory, you never could.''


ThreatDown

The ThreatDown is one of the show's longest running segments, listing the five biggest threats to Americans as identified by Stephen Colbert. Bears and robots (and, occasionally, robot bears) each frequently feature high on the list, either as their own entry or in connection with another entry. The threats posed are often a threat to no one but Colbert himself; for example, in January 2006, Colbert declared the
Associated Press The Associated Press (AP) is an American not-for-profit organization, not-for-profit news agency headquartered in New York City. Founded in 1846, it operates as a cooperative, unincorporated association, and produces news reports that are dist ...
the number one threat to America for failing to credit him with the coining of the word "
truthiness Truthiness is the belief or assertion that a particular statement is true based on the intuition or perceptions of some individual or individuals, without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts. Truthiness can range from i ...
". Variations on this segment have included a GreatDown, in which Colbert listed the five greatest things in America; a Mini ThreatDown that featured a single "threat number .5", which Colbert had neglected to mention in the previous night's ThreatDown; a ShredDown, the title given to the guitar solo competition between Colbert and Chris Funk; a Threat StandDown, the antithesis of the ThreatDown, in which viewers are told to ''stop'' being afraid; and a number of themed ThreatDowns, including an all animal, science and technology, and most frequent threats editions. The Xbox Live Arcade game Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 Commander's Challenge has an achievement referencing the ThreatDown. You have to destroy all the bears in the level 'Number One Threat to America'


Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger (Also referred to as "T-Dubs" or "Tip/Wag") is a segment in which Colbert expresses approval or disapproval of people or news items. It is not uncommon for Colbert to praise someone with a "
Tip of the Hat A hat tip (abbreviation: ''h/t''), also referred to as tip of the cap, is an act of ''tipping'' or (especially in British English) ''doffing'' one's hat as a cultural expression of recognition, respect, gratitude or simple salutation and ackn ...
", only to immediately turn around and condemn them with a " Wag of the Finger", sometimes for the same reason. In one such instance, Colbert lavish approval on then-
Prime Minister of Australia The prime minister of Australia is the head of government of the Commonwealth of Australia. The prime minister is the chair of the Cabinet of Australia and thus the head of the Australian Government, federal executive government. Under the pr ...
John Howard John Winston Howard (born 26 July 1939) is an Australian former politician who served as the 25th prime minister of Australia from 1996 to 2007. He held office as leader of the Liberal Party of Australia. His eleven-year tenure as prime min ...
for his criticism of
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
, expressing agreement with the remarks, before showering Howard with abuse for daring to speak ill of an American citizen. He also has tipped his hat to Roe v. Wade, the abortion case, because he wants to be able to "Roe" across a lake in a boat, not "Wade" across and ruin his jacket.


Un-American News

Un-American News is a segment in which Colbert reports on
news News is information about current events. This may be provided through many different Media (communication), media: word of mouth, printing, Mail, postal systems, broadcasting, Telecommunications, electronic communication, or through the te ...
from around the
world The world is the totality of entities, the whole of reality, or everything that Existence, exists. The nature of the world has been conceptualized differently in different fields. Some conceptions see the world as unique, while others talk ...
.


Where in the World and when in Time is Stephen Colbert Going to be in the Persian Gulf?

''Where in the World and when in Time is Stephen Colbert Going to be in the Persian Gulf?'' was a segment that was created in response to both the cancellation of
Matt Lauer Matthew Todd Lauer (; born December 30, 1957) is a former American television news personality, best known for his work with NBC News. After serving as a local news personality in New York City on WNBC, his first national exposure was as the ne ...
's ''
Today Show ''Today'' (also called ''The Today Show'') is an American morning television show that airs weekdays from 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. on NBC. The program debuted on January 14, 1952. It was the first of its genre on American television ...
'' segment ''
Where in the World is Matt Lauer? Matthew Todd Lauer (; born December 30, 1957) is a former American television news personality, best known for his work with NBC News. After serving as a local news personality in New York City on WNBC, his first national exposure was as the ne ...
'' and Colbert's announcement that he would take his show to the
Persian Gulf The Persian Gulf, sometimes called the Arabian Gulf, is a Mediterranean seas, mediterranean sea in West Asia. The body of water is an extension of the Arabian Sea and the larger Indian Ocean located between Iran and the Arabian Peninsula.Un ...
for a week of shows. The segment profiles a random region in the Persian Gulf using the ''
Press Your Luck ''Press Your Luck'' is an American television game show created by Bill Carruthers and Jan McCormack. Contestants answer trivia questions to earn "spins" on a randomly cycling game board. The board's spaces display cash, prizes, extra spins, sp ...
'' board. On the May 6, 2009 airing, Colbert changed the title to ''Where in the When and Who in How is Stephen Someone Going to be in the Something Where?'' per Pentagon's request, as it was stated that the segment's theme song gave out too much information about the location of where the show would be taping. On June 8, 2009, The Colbert Report aired from the Al-Faw Palace (Also known as the Water Palace), at Camp Victory, Baghdad, Iraq. He interviewed Gen.
Raymond T. Odierno Raymond Thomas Odierno (8 September 1954 – 8 October 2021) was an American military officer who served as a four-star general of the United States Army and as the 38th chief of staff of the Army. Prior to his service as chief of staff, Odier ...
. Senator
John McCain John Sidney McCain III (August 29, 1936 – August 25, 2018) was an American statesman and United States Navy, naval officer who represented the Arizona, state of Arizona in United States Congress, Congress for over 35 years, first as ...
and President
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
made special appearances, as did Presidents
Bill Clinton William Jefferson Clinton (né Blythe III; born August 19, 1946) is an American politician and lawyer who was the 42nd president of the United States from 1993 to 2001. A member of the Democratic Party (United States), Democratic Party, ...
and
George H. W. Bush George Herbert Walker BushBefore the outcome of the 2000 United States presidential election, he was usually referred to simply as "George Bush" but became more commonly known as "George H. W. Bush", "Bush Senior," "Bush 41," and even "Bush th ...
on day two. ''See'': Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando 2009 Visit to Baghdad, Iraq for further information.


Who's —ing Me Now?

Variants of this segment include Who's Honoring Me Now? and Who's Not Honoring Me Now?, where Colbert brings attention to a media outlet that is recognizing him for something, or failing to recognize him for something he feels he should be recognized for respectively, playing on the character's self-centered nature. Who's Attacking Me Now? parodies the tendency of conservative pundits to portray themselves as besieged by foes in order to rally supporters to their defence. Who's Riding My Coattails Now? is another variation.


Words in the title sequence

During the title sequence for the show a bunch of words can be seen, usually words describing patriotic characteristics. The last word shown changes from time to time, sometimes changed specifically for a particular episode. (Line breaks are not indicated in this table.) With the current title sequence, Stephen is seen jumping over this last word while giving a sort of "battle-cry" and holding an American flag. *ordered by the episode date in which the word/phrase first appeared or the date of its only appearance


The Wørd

The Wørd is a frequently recurring segment during which Colbert chooses a word or phrase as a theme for a rant on a topical subject or news item, while messages displayed in a sidebar either highlight or sarcastically undercut what he is saying. This segment is a parody of ''
The O'Reilly Factor ''The O'Reilly Factor'' (originally titled ''The O'Reilly Report'' and also known as ''The Factor'') is an American cable television news and talk show. ''The O'Reilly Factor'' first aired in the United States on Fox News Channel on October 7 ...
'' segment ''Talking Points Memo'' and can also be likened to Mark Hyman's The Point conservative commentaries for
Sinclair Broadcasting Group Sinclair, Inc., doing business as Sinclair Broadcast Group, is a publicly traded American telecommunications conglomerate that is controlled by the descendants of company founder Julian Sinclair Smith. Headquartered in the Baltimore suburb o ...
's former
News Central News Central may refer to one of the following television news programs: * News Central (American TV program), hybrid local-national newscast formerly produced by Sinclair Broadcast Group. * News Central (Philippine TV series), Filipino televisio ...
concept. The Wørd was the longest running segment on the Colbert Report, having been a feature since the first episode on October 17, 2005. The first "The Wørd" was the originator of the now famous word/concept
Truthiness Truthiness is the belief or assertion that a particular statement is true based on the intuition or perceptions of some individual or individuals, without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts. Truthiness can range from i ...
. As Colbert himself explains it: In the episode aired on April 17, 2008, former Democratic
presidential Presidential may refer to: * "Presidential" (song), a 2005 song by YoungBloodZ * Presidential Airways (charter), an American charter airline based in Florida * Presidential Airways (scheduled), an American passenger airline active in the 1980s * ...
candidate
John Edwards Johnny Reid Edwards (born June 10, 1953) is an American lawyer and former politician who represented North Carolina in the United States Senate from 1999 to 2005. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the vice presidential nominee under ...
appeared on ''The Report'' and performed his own variation of ''The Wørd'', called EdWørds. The April 22, 2010, episode, where Colbert attacked William Gheen for accusing Stephen's home state's senator
Lindsey Graham Lindsey Olin Graham (; born July 9, 1955) is an American politician and attorney serving as the Seniority in the United States Senate, senior United States Senate, United States senator from South Carolina, a seat he has held since 2003. A membe ...
of being a
homosexual Homosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior between people of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality is "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions" exc ...
, featured a Bønus Wørd. On the December 8, 2014, episode, President
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
appeared on ''The Report'' and performed his own variation of ''The Wørd'', called De¢ree. On July 18, 2016, Colbert briefly revived his ''Colbert Report'' persona in an episode of ''
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert ''The Late Show with Stephen Colbert'' is an American late-night talk show, late-night news satire, news and liberal political satire talk show hosted by Stephen Colbert, which premiered on September 8, 2015. Produced by Stephen Colbert, Spartin ...
'' covering the
2016 Republican National Convention The 2016 Republican National Convention, in which delegates of the United States Republican Party (United States), Republican Party chose the party's nominees for President of the United States, president and Vice President of the United Sta ...
, which included a The Wørd segment about " Trumpiness." On the July 27, 2016, episode, after stating that another company—implied to be
Viacom Viacom, an abbreviation of Video and Audio Communications, may refer to: * Viacom (1952–2005), a former American media conglomerate * Viacom (2005–2019), a former company spun off from the original Viacom * Viacom18, a joint venture between Pa ...
—had threatened CBS over his use of aspects from ''The Colbert Report'' on ''Late Show'', Colbert introduced a character that is the “identical twin cousin” of the Colbert character and also named Stephen Colbert, and brought back the segment once more as the WERD.


Wrist Watch

Following a July 2007 wrist injury, Colbert took up wrist injuries in general as a "pet cause" debuting Wrist Watch on July 31. The segment purports to expose "Hollywood's 'glamorization' of wrist violence." Generally the segment shows scenes from television and film featuring someone either hurting their arm or wrist in some way or having it removed. Colbert also wore and marketed "Wriststrong"
gel bracelet Gel bracelets (or jelly bracelets) are a type of wristband often made from silicone. Gel bracelets Gel bracelets usually have a rectangular or circular cross-section. They are stretchy and come in a variety of colors. They have been popular in ...
s, a parody of Lance Armstrong's
Livestrong wristband The Livestrong Foundation is a United States nonprofit organization A nonprofit organization (NPO), also known as a nonbusiness entity, nonprofit institution, not-for-profit organization, or simply a nonprofit, is a non-governmental ( ...
s. The cast that he wore afterwards was removed on the show on August 23, 2007.


Yahweh or No Way

In this segment, Colbert determines whether various news events were influenced by
divine intervention Divine intervention is an event that occurs when a deity (i.e. God or gods) becomes actively involved in changing some situation in human affairs. In contrast to other kinds of divine action, the expression "divine ''intervention''" implies that ...
(Yahweh) or run contrary to what he thinks would be God's will (No Way). One example was the news story stating that Mormons may have baptized President
Barack Obama Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961) is an American politician who was the 44th president of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A member of the Democratic Party, he was the first African American president in American history. O ...
's relatives. Colbert labeled this "No Way", explaining that Mormons are
teetotalers Teetotalism is the practice of voluntarily abstaining from the consumption of alcohol, specifically in alcoholic drinks. A person who practices (and possibly advocates) teetotalism is called a teetotaler (US) or teetotaller (UK), or said to be ...
and Obama uses even the flimsiest excuse to have a beer. Another was the story of Dinosaur Adventureland, a
Creationist Creationism is the religious belief that nature, and aspects such as the universe, Earth, life, and humans, originated with supernatural acts of divine creation, and is often pseudoscientific. Gunn 2004, p. 9, "The ''Concise Oxford Dictionary' ...
dinosaur theme park whose owner claimed that he was not required to pay the $600,000 in payroll taxes he owed to the
IRS The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is the revenue service for the Federal government of the United States, United States federal government, which is responsible for collecting Taxation in the United States, U.S. federal taxes and administerin ...
because he was employed by God. Colbert labeled this "Yahweh", and then said that God should not be imagined as He was by Hollywood films such as
King of Kings King of Kings, ''Mepet mepe''; , group="n" was a ruling title employed primarily by monarchs based in the Middle East and the Indian subcontinent. Commonly associated with History of Iran, Iran (historically known as name of Iran, Persia ...
, but more like Mr. Six of the
Six Flags Six Flags Entertainment Corporation is an American amusement park company headquartered in Charlotte, North Carolina, United States. It was formed on July 2, 2024, following a merger between longtime rivals Cedar Fair and the former Six Flags ...
television commercials. He also claimed that the manna that fell in the desert was
funnel cake Funnel cake ( Pennsylvania German: ''Drechderkuche'') is a regional sweet food popular in North America, found mainly at carnivals and amusement parks. It is made by deep-frying batter. History The concept of the funnel cake dates back to the e ...
. Rarely, Colbert used a "Middle Way' or 'Maybewey, because he was unsure if an event was in "Yahweh or "No Way" territory, or in one case where he refused to take sides, "I Don't Know Weh."


Notes


See also

* List of ''The Colbert Report'' episodes * ''
The Daily Show ''The Daily Show'' is an American late-night talk show, late-night talk and news satire television program. It airs each Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central in the United States, with extended episodes released shortly after on Paramount+ ...
'' *
Comedy Central Comedy Central is an American Cable television in the United States, cable television channel, channel owned by Paramount Global through its Paramount Media Networks, network division's Paramount Media Networks#MTV Entertainment Group, MTV Ente ...
* Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner * Colbert's Shred-Off with The Decemberists following Green Screen Challenge dispute * Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear *
List of late-night American network TV programs Late-night television in the United States is the block of television programming intended for broadcast after 11:00 p.m. and usually through 2:00 a.m. Eastern and Pacific Time (ET/PT), but which informally can include programs aired ...


References

{{DEFAULTSORT:Recurring Segments On The Colbert Report The Colbert Report
Colbert Report ''The Colbert Report'' ( ) is an American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by Stephen Colbert that aired four days a week on Comedy Central from October 17, 2005, to December 18, 2014, for 1,447 episodes. The show foc ...