#WhyIStayed became a trending hashtag in November 2014 in defense of
domestic abuse
Domestic violence (also known as domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse that occurs in a domestic setting, such as in a marriage or cohabitation. ''Domestic violence'' is often used as a synonym for ''intimate partner v ...
victims after a media release of security camera footage that appeared to show former
Baltimore Ravens
The Baltimore Ravens are a professional American football team based in Baltimore, Maryland. The Ravens compete in the National Football League (NFL) as a member club of the American Football Conference (AFC) North division. The team plays its ...
running back,
Ray Rice
Raymell Mourice Rice (born January 22, 1987) is a former American football running back who played in the National Football League (NFL) for six seasons with the Baltimore Ravens. He played college football at Rutgers, where he received first-t ...
, punching his then-fiancee, Janay Rice, sparked public conversation on why Janay and other victims of abuse choose to stay in abusive relationships. The
hashtag
A hashtag is a metadata tag that is prefaced by the hash (also known as pound or octothorpe) sign, ''#''. On social media, hashtags are used on microblogging and photo-sharing services such as Twitter or Instagram as a form of user-generated ...
was started by writer and domestic abuse survivor
Beverly Gooden via
Twitter
Twitter is an online social media and social networking service owned and operated by American company Twitter, Inc., on which users post and interact with 280-character-long messages known as "tweets". Registered users can post, like, and ...
in an effort to "change the tone of the conversation."
It began to trend nationally five hours after its creation
and was used more than 100,000 times in less than two days, according to the Web analytics tool,
Topsy Topsy may refer to:
Arts and entertainment
* Topsy, a character in the novel ''Uncle Tom's Cabin''
* Topsy, a character in the 2018 film ''Mary Poppins Returns''
* ''Topsy and Eva'', a 1928 film based on ''Uncle Tom's Cabin''
* ''Topsy and Tim'', ...
.
Timeline
2014
Ray Rice Assault and the National Football League
On February 19,
TMZ
TMZ is a tabloid news website owned by Fox Corporation. It made its debut on November 8, 2005, originally as a collaboration between AOL and Telepictures, a division of Warner Bros., until Time Warner divested AOL in 2009. On September 13, 202 ...
obtained and released initial footage of a potential altercation between former
Ravens
Ravens may refer to:
* Raven, a species of the genus ''Corvus''
Sports
* Anderson Ravens, the intercollegiate athletic program of Anderson University in Indiana
* Baltimore Ravens, a professional American football franchise
* Benedictine Ravens, ...
running back
Ray Rice
Raymell Mourice Rice (born January 22, 1987) is a former American football running back who played in the National Football League (NFL) for six seasons with the Baltimore Ravens. He played college football at Rutgers, where he received first-t ...
and then fiancee Janay Palmer. The footage showed Rice dragging an unconscious Palmer out of an elevator in the
Revel Casino
Ocean Casino Resort (formerly Revel Casino Hotel Atlantic City) is a resort, hotel and casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey. It is the northernmost casino on the Atlantic City Boardwalk, located on of land, adjacent to the Showboat Hotel. It is ...
of
Atlantic City
Atlantic City, often known by its initials A.C., is a coastal resort city in Atlantic County, New Jersey, United States. The city is known for its casinos, Boardwalk (entertainment district), boardwalk, and beaches. In 2020 United States censu ...
,
New Jersey
New Jersey is a state in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeastern regions of the United States. It is bordered on the north and east by the state of New York; on the east, southeast, and south by the Atlantic Ocean; on the west by the Delaware ...
, until security arrived and Rice walked away from the situation. Rice’s attorney Michael Diamondstein stated that the released footage was not the whole picture, and that his client would not pursue any action.
On March 28, Ray Rice and Janay Palmer got married. Friends and family were supportive and in attendance, including former Ravens wide receiver
Torrey Smith
Torrey may refer to:
* Torrey (name), including a list of people with the name
* Torrey, Utah
* Torrey, New York
See also
* , a supertanker wrecked off Cornwall in 1967
* Torrey pine
* Torrey Pines High School
* Torrey Pines Golf Course
* Torr ...
who expressed to the media that the couple was happy and that he wishes his friends the best.
On May 23, the Ravens hosted a press conference for Ray and Janay Rice. Ray apologized to his fans, the team, and the team’s executives, but not his wife, for the situation he and his wife were in. Janay Rice apologized for her role in the incident, sparking outrage online and in the media that the Ravens coverage of the event focused on Rice’s professional career and potential instead of accountability.
On July 24, the
NFL
The National Football League (NFL) is a professional American football league that consists of 32 teams, divided equally between the American Football Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference (NFC). The NFL is one of the major ...
suspended Ray Rice for two games. The decision is met with more outrage and is seen as a slap on the wrist for the incident, and clashing reports were put out about the NFL’s honesty about the situation
On August 28, NFL Commissioner
Roger Goodell
Roger Stokoe Goodell (born February 19, 1959) is an American businessman who is currently the commissioner of the National Football League (NFL). On August 8, 2006, Goodell was chosen to succeed retiring commissioner Paul Tagliabue. He was chosen ...
expressed regret for the original disciplinary measure and issued new standards for the NFL’s domestic violence policy to all personnel, including a six-game suspension without pay for a first offense and a lifetime ban for a second offense.
On September 8,
TMZ
TMZ is a tabloid news website owned by Fox Corporation. It made its debut on November 8, 2005, originally as a collaboration between AOL and Telepictures, a division of Warner Bros., until Time Warner divested AOL in 2009. On September 13, 202 ...
released full footage of the assault, which shows Rice and Palmer getting into a heated argument and Rice striking Palmer first. Palmer strikes him back once, and then Rice strikes her forcefully enough that she falls and hits the railing, rendering her unconscious. In reaction to the leak, Ravens head coach
John Harbaugh
John William Harbaugh (born September 23, 1962) is an American football coach who is the head coach of the Baltimore Ravens of the National Football League (NFL). Previously, he coached the defensive backs for the Philadelphia Eagles and served ...
claimed that the team had not seen the video until now, and later that day Ray Rice was both terminated from the Ravens and suspended indefinitely from the
NFL
The National Football League (NFL) is a professional American football league that consists of 32 teams, divided equally between the American Football Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference (NFC). The NFL is one of the major ...
.
In the wake of the media covering the released footage, Janay Rice expressed that she has no intention of divorcing her now-husband and does not view herself as an abuse victim.
On
Instagram
Instagram is a photo and video sharing social networking service owned by American company Meta Platforms. The app allows users to upload media that can be edited with filters and organized by hashtags and geographical tagging. Posts can ...
, Janay wrote, "To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing." Beyond the pull to stay together for the sake of their daughter, Rayven, Janay argued that the violent night in
Atlantic City
Atlantic City, often known by its initials A.C., is a coastal resort city in Atlantic County, New Jersey, United States. The city is known for its casinos, Boardwalk (entertainment district), boardwalk, and beaches. In 2020 United States censu ...
was an anomaly in their relationship. In an interview with
ESPN
ESPN (originally an initialism for Entertainment and Sports Programming Network) is an American international basic cable sports channel owned by ESPN Inc., owned jointly by The Walt Disney Company (80%) and Hearst Communications (20%). The ...
, she said, "As angry as I was, I knew it was something that we could move on from because I know Ray."
She added that the violence was not one-sided; Janay was the one to initiate it, slapping Ray before he assaulted her.
She stressed that she hopes people can see the love that the two have for one another despite one isolated incident, and how much they have grown because of it.
Media coverage and social media users expressed outrage and criticized both the
NFL
The National Football League (NFL) is a professional American football league that consists of 32 teams, divided equally between the American Football Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference (NFC). The NFL is one of the major ...
for not taking appropriate action and Janay Rice for staying and marrying Ray after the assault.
Fox and Friends
''Fox & Friends'' is an American daily morning news and talk program that airs on Fox News. It premiered on February 1, 1998, and is currently hosted by Steve Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt and Brian Kilmeade on weekdays. Will Cain, Rachel Campos-Du ...
co-hosts
Brian Kilmeade
Brian Kilmeade (born May 7, 1964) is an American television and radio presenter and political commentator for Fox News. On weekdays he co-hosts the morning show, ''Fox & Friends'', and he hosts the Fox News Radio program ''The Brian Kilmeade Sho ...
and
Steve Doocy
''yes'Steve is a masculine given name, usually a short form (hypocorism) of Steven or Stephen
Notable people with the name include:
steve jops
* Steve Abbott (disambiguation), several people
* Steve Adams (disambiguation), several people
* Steve ...
joked about taking the stairs instead of the elevator in order for incidents like this to not be documented on camera.
Beverly Gooden
In response, domestic violence survivor
Beverly Gooden posted a series of tweets detailing her own experiences with partner violence with the hashtag #WhyIStayed. Her aim was to shift the conversation from asking why Janay Rice stayed in the relationship to asking why
Ray Rice
Raymell Mourice Rice (born January 22, 1987) is a former American football running back who played in the National Football League (NFL) for six seasons with the Baltimore Ravens. He played college football at Rutgers, where he received first-t ...
hit her in the first place. The hashtag was utilized more than 100,000 times in less than two days from Gooden’s original tweets. The hashtag #WhyILeft was also created, with women tweeting about what enabled survivors to be able to escape from domestic violence, and was trending on
Twitter
Twitter is an online social media and social networking service owned and operated by American company Twitter, Inc., on which users post and interact with 280-character-long messages known as "tweets". Registered users can post, like, and ...
that same night.
Press Coverage
The movement received press coverage from outlets such as
Good Morning America
''Good Morning America'' (often abbreviated as ''GMA'') is an American morning television program that is broadcast on ABC. It debuted on November 3, 1975, and first expanded to weekends with the debut of a Sunday edition on January 3, 1993. Th ...
,
TIME
Time is the continued sequence of existence and events that occurs in an apparently irreversible succession from the past, through the present, into the future. It is a component quantity of various measurements used to sequence events, to ...
,
ABC News
ABC News is the news division of the American broadcast network ABC. Its flagship program is the daily evening newscast ''ABC World News Tonight, ABC World News Tonight with David Muir''; other programs include Breakfast television, morning ...
,
Channel 4 News UK, Mic,
MSNBC
MSNBC (originally the Microsoft National Broadcasting Company) is an American news-based pay television cable channel. It is owned by NBCUniversala subsidiary of Comcast. Headquartered in New York City, it provides news coverage and political ...
,
TODAY.com
''Today'' (also called ''The Today Show'' or informally, ''NBC News Today'') is an American news and talk morning television show that airs weekdays from 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. on NBC. The program debuted on January 14, 1952. It wa ...
,
CNN
CNN (Cable News Network) is a multinational cable news channel headquartered in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S. Founded in 1980 by American media proprietor Ted Turner and Reese Schonfeld as a 24-hour cable news channel, and presently owned by the M ...
,
BBC #REDIRECT BBC #REDIRECT BBC #REDIRECT BBC
Here i going to introduce about the best teacher of my life b BALAJI sir. He is the precious gift that I got befor 2yrs . How has helped and thought all the concept and made my success in the 10th board ex ...
, and
The Huffington Post
''HuffPost'' (formerly ''The Huffington Post'' until 2017 and sometimes abbreviated ''HuffPo'') is an American progressive news website, with localized and international editions. The site offers news, satire, blogs, and original content, and ...
.
On September 17, talk show host
Meredith Vieira
Meredith Louise Vieira (born December 30, 1953) is an American broadcast journalist and television personality. She is best known as the original moderator of the daytime talk show '' The View'' (1997–2006), the original host of the syndicated ...
shared her abuse story and history with domestic violence in support of the #WhyIStayed movement on
The Meredith Vieira Show. Later in October,
Dr. Phil and wife
Robin McGraw
Phillip Calvin McGraw (born September 1, 1950), better known as Dr. Phil, is an American television personality and author best known for hosting the talk show '' Dr. Phil''. He holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, though he ceased renew ...
organize a national summit on domestic violence in Hollywood to discuss prevention of abuse as well as resources for victims. The summit was hosted by McGraw’s own Revelation Foundation in a partnership with
Verizon
Verizon Communications Inc., commonly known as Verizon, is an American multinational telecommunications conglomerate and a corporate component of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. The company is headquartered at 1095 Avenue of the Americas in ...
, and had panelists such as CBS2’s
Pat Harvey
Pat Harvey is an American broadcast journalist. She joined KCAL 9 in Los Angeles in 1989, and in 2010 began co-anchoring for KCAL sister station KCBS news at 5, 6 & 11PM. She is the longest-running anchor in prime time at one station in Los An ...
speak on the theme of “Silent no more.”
Ray and Janay Rice's Response
In response to #WhyIStayed/#WhyILeft, Janay said she was thankful that her experience with domestic violence instigated the movement. Despite the difficulty of enduring the scrutiny that comes from the publicization of a private moment, Janay said that the fact that it began a conversation about abuse was a silver lining.
Ray Rice later expresses to the media that he does not want a second chance for a career in football as he feels as if he already got his second chance in life with his wife, and now serves as an advocate against domestic abuse.
![Donald Trump and Rob Porter](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/18/Donald_Trump_and_Rob_Porter.jpg)
...
2018
The movement picked back up in 2018 after Jennie Willoughby published a blog post titled “Why I Stayed” about her experiences with domestic violence when married to her ex-husband, former White House staff secretary
Rob Porter
Robert Roger Porter (born October 25, 1977) is an American lawyer and former political aide who served as White House Staff Secretary for President Donald Trump from January 20, 2017, until February 7, 2018. He was previously Chief of Staff fo ...
, in April 2017. The
Trump Administration
Donald Trump's tenure as the List of presidents of the United States, 45th president of the United States began with Inauguration of Donald Trump, his inauguration on January 20, 2017, and ended on January 20, 2021. Trump, a Republican Party ...
defended Porter, writing the accusations off as a smear campaign, but later White House chief of staff John Kelly admitted mishandling the accusations, and Porter resigned.
Lawrence O’Donnell of The Last Word on
MSNBC
MSNBC (originally the Microsoft National Broadcasting Company) is an American news-based pay television cable channel. It is owned by NBCUniversala subsidiary of Comcast. Headquartered in New York City, it provides news coverage and political ...
shared Willoughby's letter and tweeted about how he grew up in the same church as Porter and his experiences with seeing battered women being silenced. Survivors responded to O’Donnell’s tweets using
Beverly Gooden's original hashtag #WhyIStayed and later, Willoughby's new hashtag of #AndSoIStayed, and O’ Donnell shared their stories on The Last Word on MSNBC. The associated hashtag #AndWhyILeft is adopted by Jennie Willoughby as a call for hope for survivors to eventually leave partner violence.
Survivor Stories
Beverly Gooden's original tweets stated,
"I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed"
"I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn't cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too.#WhyIStayed"
"He said he would change. He promised it was the last time. I believed him. He lied. #WhyIStayed"
I had to plan my escape for months before I even had a place to go and money for the bus to get there. #WhyIStayed"
"I stayed because I thought love was enough to conquer all. #WhyIStayed"
I stayed because I was halfway across the country, isolated from my friends and family. And there was no one to help. #WhyIStayed"
"You think you know but you have no idea."
Stories of why victims stayed varied from feeling unable to leave out of fear to not knowing that abuse was abnormal. Victims left because they realized their lives were in jeopardy, they started to believe they deserved better, and/or they wanted to protect their children. Examples include:
"Because he made me believe no else would understand. #WhyIStayed" Posted by Twitter user @leslielouz
"I honestly don't know #WhyIStayed as long as I did. I was embarrassed and in denial." Posted by Twitter user @jilliancyork
"I was determined to make it work, wanted kids to have their dad, convinced myself that what he did to me wasn't affecting them #WhyIStayed" Posted by Twitter user @MillerRachelD
"My mom had 3 young kids, a mortgage, and a PT job. My dad had a FT paycheck, our church behind him, and bigger fists. #WhyIStayed" Posted by Twitter user @ellen_3000
"Because good church girls persevere and overcome. #WhyIStayed" Posted by Twitter user @EdwifeAkoua
"WhyIStayed because I was 15 and he said he loved me and I didn't know what love was. I thought I had to marry him. It was my fault." Posted by Twitter user @gabysantiromero
"WhyIStayed Because after being stuck in an abusive relationship for awhile I started to believe I deserved all of it." Posted by Twitter user @9LivesofKat
In 2017, Jennie Willoughby published a blog post titled "Why I Stayed" that detailed her abusive relationship with ex-husband
Rob Porter
Robert Roger Porter (born October 25, 1977) is an American lawyer and former political aide who served as White House Staff Secretary for President Donald Trump from January 20, 2017, until February 7, 2018. He was previously Chief of Staff fo ...
, former
White House
The White House is the official residence and workplace of the president of the United States. It is located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW in Washington, D.C., and has been the residence of every U.S. president since John Adams in 1800. ...
aide. An excerpt from the post reads,
"When I tried to get help, I was counseled to consider carefully how what I said might affect his career. And so I kept my mouth shut and stayed. I was told, yes, he was deeply flawed, but then again so was I. And so I worked on myself and stayed. If he was a monster all the time, perhaps it would have been easier to leave. But he could be kind and sensitive. And so I stayed. He cried and apologized. And so I stayed. He offered to get help and even went to a few counseling sessions and therapy groups. And so I stayed. He belittled my intelligence and destroyed my confidence. And so I stayed. I felt ashamed and trapped. And so I stayed. Friends and clergy didn't believe me. And so I stayed. I was pregnant. And so I stayed. I lost the pregnancy and became depressed. And so I stayed."
Lawrence O'Donnell
Lawrence Francis O'Donnell Jr. (born November 7, 1951) is an American television anchor, actor, liberal political commentator, and host of ''The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell'', an MSNBC opinion and news program that airs on weeknights.
He ...
shared these stories on The Last Word on
MSNBC
MSNBC (originally the Microsoft National Broadcasting Company) is an American news-based pay television cable channel. It is owned by NBCUniversala subsidiary of Comcast. Headquartered in New York City, it provides news coverage and political ...
, including:
"I tried to be a better wife. And I had babies and I thought maybe I deserved it. And I thought because it wasn't constant and there was no lasting damage. Then he did it in front of my son who was 8. And so I left. #AndSoIStayed" Posted by Twitter user @ValerieSolanas9
"At 20, holding my infant daughter in my arms he hit me in the mouth. She was covered in my blood. I looked at her and said to myself over my dead body will I give her a life like this. Left in the night and never looked back. #AndSoILeft" Posted by Twitter user @Annemieke55
The
National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) is a 24-hour confidential service for survivors, victims and those affected by domestic violence, intimate partner violence and relationship abuse. Advocates are available at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) a ...
reported an 80% increase in volume in the day after the footage of
Rice
Rice is the seed of the grass species ''Oryza sativa'' (Asian rice) or less commonly ''Oryza glaberrima
''Oryza glaberrima'', commonly known as African rice, is one of the two domesticated rice species. It was first domesticated and grown i ...
assaulting his wife was released, and communications have never decreased to pre-2014 levels ever since. These stories were highlighted in the short film "Why We Stayed," featuring
Beverly Gooden and produced by the
Emmy
The Emmy Awards, or Emmys, are an extensive range of awards for artistic and technical merit for the American and international television industry. A number of annual Emmy Award ceremonies are held throughout the calendar year, each with the ...
-nominated producers of
Private Violence
''Private Violence'' is a 2014 American documentary film directed and produced by Cynthia Hill. The film focuses on the issue of domestic violence, as told through two survivors. Ultimately, the film centers on dispelling the logic of the commonly ...
.
Criticism
Critics argued that #WhyIStayed perpetrated the idea that victims need to explain themselves more than shift focus to the actions of abusers. Gooden acknowledged the subsequent hashtag of #WhyILeft, though she was initially fearful about how the narrative change would end up alienating people who had not been able to escape yet. Gooden further emphasized that the hashtag’s focus was not to endorse abusive relationships, but to provide clarity on why a survivor might stay in that situation.
Misuse of the hashtag
After #WhyIStayed became a trending topic on
Twitter
Twitter is an online social media and social networking service owned and operated by American company Twitter, Inc., on which users post and interact with 280-character-long messages known as "tweets". Registered users can post, like, and ...
, it was mistakenly used by the
DiGiorno's Pizza Twitter handle as a marketing effort. They tweeted, "#WhyIStayed You had pizza." The administrator for the account later apologized for the mistake, claiming that no one had looked into the implication of the trending hashtag before taking to Twitter. While many Twitter users brushed over the error, others were deeply angered as they believed DiGiorno was making light of an incredibly serious topic. In response, DiGiorno answered every negative tweet with personal messages conveying their apologies.
DiGiorno has since removed the original tweet.
Related
#YesAllWomen
#MeToo
References
{{DEFAULTSORT:WhyIStayed WhyILeft
Twitter
Intimate partner violence
Violence against women in the United States
Hashtags
2014 establishments in the United States
Black Twitter