''Uncle Cleans Up'' (1965) is a children's story written by J. P. Martin as part of his ''

Uncle An uncle is usually defined as a male relative who is a sibling of a parent or married to a sibling of a parent. Uncles who are related by birth are second-degree relatives. The female counterpart of an uncle is an aunt, and the reciprocal relat ...

'' series.

Plot summary

In this story, Goodman the Cat joins Uncle's supporters. He is rescued from down-trodden and hungry service at Wizard Blenkinsop's and throws himself wholeheartedly into battle against Uncle's enemies, though never quite ridding himself of a propensity to steal

fish Fish are aquatic, craniate, gill-bearing animals that lack limbs with digits. Included in this definition are the living hagfish, lampreys, and cartilaginous and bony fish as well as various extinct related groups. Approximately 95% of li ...

and

postage stamp A postage stamp is a small piece of paper issued by a post office, postal administration, or other authorized vendors to customers who pay postage (the cost involved in moving, insuring, or registering mail), who then affix the stamp to the fa ...

s. His fish-stealing gets him into trouble at Professor Gandleweaver's Fish-Frying Academy, and Uncle is forced to make a dignified exit as the crowd gathered to watch Gandleweaver's frying exhibition turns ugly: :The crowd began to hiss, and, as Uncle didn't want a row, he decided to withdraw and take action later. The moment he and his party got out of the crowd, they were forgotten. The Professor had started frying a

conger eel ''Conger'' ( ) is a genus of marine congrid eels. It includes some of the largest types of eels, ranging up to 2 m (6 ft) or more in length, in the case of the European conger. Large congers have often been observed by divers during t ...

in an enormous pan, and this is one of star turns; and nobody thinks about anything else when he does it. The incident is seized on by the Badfort Crowd and written up in the usual lying and distorted way in ''The Badfort News'', one of the many provocations offered by the

newspaper A newspaper is a periodical publication containing written information about current events and is often typed in black ink with a white or gray background. Newspapers can cover a wide variety of fields such as politics, business, sports a ...

that eventually lead Uncle to take action against it. Visiting its offices, he finds a young

badger Badgers are short-legged omnivores in the family Mustelidae (which also includes the otters, wolverines, martens, minks, polecats, weasels, and ferrets). Badgers are a polyphyletic rather than a natural taxonomic grouping, being united b ...

literally chained to the

printing-press A printing press is a mechanical device for applying pressure to an inked surface resting upon a print medium (such as paper or cloth), thereby transferring the ink. It marked a dramatic improvement on earlier printing methods in which the ...

, whom he rescues before visiting well-deserved punishment on Beaver Hateman by kicking him far and high into Gaby's Marsh, where "the

crab Crabs are decapod crustaceans of the infraorder Brachyura, which typically have a very short projecting "tail" (abdomen) ( el, βραχύς , translit=brachys = short, / = tail), usually hidden entirely under the thorax. They live in all the ...

s are" and "the barking conger eels". As before, ''Uncle Cleans Up'' ends in Uncle's capture by the Badfort Crowd before he escapes, this time with the help of his loyal friend the Old Monkey, and a great battle is fought in which the Badfort Crowd are completely defeated—until next time. The last that is seen of Beaver Hateman is this: :Even for Uncle it was a great kick-up. Beaver Hateman was holding a huge lighted

cigar A cigar is a rolled bundle of dried and fermented tobacco leaves made to be smoked. Cigars are produced in a variety of sizes and shapes. Since the 20th century, almost all cigars are made of three distinct components: the filler, the binder l ...

in his hand, and the wind made it glow so that everyone could see in the sky what looked like a slowly soaring red light. He comes down in Gaby's Marsh again, and vows in an insolent letter delivered to Uncle as the book closes that he will take a revenge "so fearful that anyone who speaks of it will develop lockjaw".

Reprint

A hardcover edition of the collected Uncle stories was published in June 2008, from The New York Review Children's Collection (). www.nyrb.com

References

1965 British novels 1965 children's books British children's novels Children's fantasy novels Books about elephants {{1960s-child-novel-stub