![Dan Savage Provided](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/12/Dan_Savage_Provided.jpg)
Savage Love is a syndicated sex-
advice column
An advice column is a column in a question and answer format. Typically, a (usually anonymous) reader writes to the media outlet with a problem in the form of a question, and the media outlet provides an answer or response.
The responses are w ...
by
Dan Savage
Daniel Keenan Savage (born October 7, 1964) is an American author, media pundit, journalist, and LGBT community activist. He writes ''Savage Love'', an internationally syndicated relationship and sex advice column. In 2010, Savage and his husba ...
. The column appears weekly in several dozen newspapers, mainly free newspapers in the US and Canada, but also newspapers in Europe and Asia. It started in 1991 with the first issue of the
Seattle
Seattle ( ) is a seaport city on the West Coast of the United States. It is the seat of King County, Washington. With a 2020 population of 737,015, it is the largest city in both the state of Washington and the Pacific Northwest regio ...
weekly newspaper ''
The Stranger''.
Since October 2006, Savage has also recorded the ''Savage Lovecast'', a weekly
podcast
A podcast is a program made available in digital format for download over the Internet. For example, an episodic series of digital audio or video files that a user can download to a personal device to listen to at a time of their choosing ...
version of the column, featuring telephone advice sessions. Podcasts are released every Tuesday.
History
In 1991, Savage was living in
Madison, Wisconsin
Madison is the county seat of Dane County and the capital city of the U.S. state of Wisconsin. As of the 2020 census the population was 269,840, making it the second-largest city in Wisconsin by population, after Milwaukee, and the 80th-lar ...
, and working as a manager at a local video store that specialized in independent film titles.
There, he befriended Tim Keck, co-founder of ''
The Onion
''The Onion'' is an American digital media company and newspaper organization that publishes satirical articles on international, national, and local news. The company is based in Chicago but originated as a weekly print publication on August 2 ...
'', who announced that he was moving to
Seattle
Seattle ( ) is a seaport city on the West Coast of the United States. It is the seat of King County, Washington. With a 2020 population of 737,015, it is the largest city in both the state of Washington and the Pacific Northwest regio ...
to help start an alternative weekly newspaper titled ''
The Stranger''.
Savage "made the offhand comment that forever altered
islife: 'Make sure your paper has an advice column – everybody claims to hate 'em, but everybody seems to read 'em'." He typed up a sample column, and to his surprise Keck offered him the job.
[Dan Savage interviewed by Tasha Robinson]
''The A.V. Club'', February 8, 2006.
Since 2002, he has written the column at
Eppie Lederer
Esther Pauline "Eppie" Lederer (née Friedman; July 4, 1918 – June 22, 2002), better known by the pen name Ann Landers, was an American advice columnist and eventually a nationwide media celebrity. She began writing the "Ask Ann Landers" colu ...
's desk, which he, a "lifelong fan" of her
Ann Landers
Ann Landers was a pen name created by ''Chicago Sun-Times'' advice columnist Ruth Crowley in 1943 and taken over by Esther Pauline "Eppie" Lederer (July 4, 1918 – June 22, 2002) in 1955. For 56 years, the Ask Ann Landers syndicated ad ...
column, bought at auction after the noted advice columnist died.
Savage stated in a February 2006 interview in ''The Onion''s ''
A.V. Club'' (which publishes his column) that he began the column with the express purpose of providing mocking advice to heterosexuals, since most straight advice columnists were "clueless" when responding to letters from gay people.
Language
During the run of Savage Love, Savage has popularized several
neologism
A neologism Greek νέο- ''néo''(="new") and λόγος /''lógos'' meaning "speech, utterance"] is a relatively recent or isolated term, word, or phrase that may be in the process of entering common use, but that has not been fully accepted int ...
s and
initialism
An acronym is a word or name formed from the initial components of a longer name or phrase. Acronyms are usually formed from the initial letters of words, as in ''NATO'' (''North Atlantic Treaty Organization''), but sometimes use syllables, as ...
s. He has also debunked several sexual neologisms for sex acts, including the "
donkey punch
Donkey punch is the sexual practice of inflicting blunt force trauma to the back of the head or lower back of the receiving partner during anal or vaginal sex as an attempt by the penetrating partner to induce involuntary tightening of internal ...
", the "
Dirty Sanchez", the "
pirate
Piracy is an act of robbery or criminal violence by ship or boat-borne attackers upon another ship or a coastal area, typically with the goal of stealing cargo and other valuable goods. Those who conduct acts of piracy are called pirates, v ...
", and the "
hot Karl
Jensen-Gerard Karp is an American producer, writer, actor, podcaster, gallerist, and former rapper. Previously known by his stage name Hot Karl, he signed a record deal with Interscope in his early 20s and has gone on to produce and write for te ...
", concluding "they're all fictions."
He has objected to use of the term "
pussy" as an insult, saying that vaginas were wonderful, "popping out babies", and proposed "
scrotum
The scrotum or scrotal sac is an anatomical male reproductive structure located at the base of the penis that consists of a suspended dual-chambered sac of skin and smooth muscle. It is present in most terrestrial male mammals. The scrotum cont ...
", plural "scrota", as an insult.
Savage has also tried to
reclaim
Reclaim, reclaimed, reclaimer, reclaiming or reclamation means "to get something back".
It may refer to:
* Land reclamation, creating new land from oceans, riverbeds, or lake beds
* Dedesertification, reversing of the land degradation in arid ...
many offensive words. For the first six years of the column, he had his readers address him with "Hey,
faggot
Faggot, faggots, or faggoting may refer to:
Arts and crafts
* Faggoting (metalworking), forge welding a bundle of bars of iron and steel
* Faggoting (knitting), variation of lace knitting in which every stitch is a yarn over or a decrease
* F ...
", as a comment on previous efforts to reclaim offensive words. He was criticized for this by some gay activists. After receiving criticism for use of the word "
retarded"—considered by many to be an offensive slur against those with
intellectual disabilities
Intellectual disability (ID), also known as general learning disability in the United Kingdom and formerly mental retardation,Rosa's Law, Pub. L. 111-256124 Stat. 2643(2010). is a generalized neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by signific ...
—Savage suggested "leotarded" as an alternative, because "
leotard" rhymes with "retard".
Campsite rule
In any relationship, but particularly those with a large
difference of age or experience between the partners, the older or more experienced partner has the responsibility to leave the younger or less experienced partner in at least as good a state (emotionally and physically) as before the relationship. The "campsite rule" includes things like leaving the younger or less experienced partner with no
STDs, no unwanted pregnancies, and not overburdening them with emotional and sexual baggage.
Tea and sympathy rule
Shortly after a 2009 scandal in
Portland, Oregon
Portland (, ) is a port city in the Pacific Northwest and the largest city in the U.S. state of Oregon. Situated at the confluence of the Willamette and Columbia rivers, Portland is the county seat of Multnomah County, the most populous co ...
, involving openly gay mayor
Sam Adams
Samuel Adams ( – October 2, 1803) was an American statesman, political philosopher, and a Founding Father of the United States. He was a politician in colonial Massachusetts, a leader of the movement that became the American Revolution, and ...
and Beau Breedlove, who had allegedly turned 18 almost immediately before the two began a sexual relationship, Savage created a companion rule to the "campsite rule", now known as the "tea and sympathy rule". The rule is a reference to a line in the
play of the same name
Play most commonly refers to:
* Play (activity), an activity done for enjoyment
* Play (theatre), a work of drama
Play may refer also to:
Computers and technology
* Google Play, a digital content service
* Play Framework, a Java framework
* Pla ...
, in which a much older woman asks of a high-school-age boy, right before having sex with him: "Years from now, when you talk about this – and you will – be kind." Savage claimed in an article in ''
The Portland Mercury
''Portland Mercury'' is an alternative bi-weekly newspaper and media company founded in 2000 in Portland, Oregon. It has a sibling publication in Seattle, Washington, called '' The Stranger''.
Contributors and staff
Editor-in-chief: Wm. Steven ...
'' that, while Adams followed the "campsite rule" – Breedlove did not claim that Adams had given him any diseases or caused him emotional trauma, and in fact still refers to Adams as a friend – Breedlove violated the "tea and sympathy" rule by making public statements that he knew could ruin Adams' career.
CPOS
"Cheating
piece of shit
''Shit'' is a word considered to be vulgar and profane in Modern English. As a noun, it refers to fecal matter, and as a verb it means to defecate; in the plural ("the shits"), it means diarrhea. ''Shite'' is a common variant in British an ...
", said of a cheater, but usually reserved for one who is chronic or abusive/passive-aggressive about it.
DTMFA and ITMFA
Savage often uses the expression "dump the mother-fucker already", abbreviated DTMFA, at the close of a response, recommending that the writer immediately end an abusive or worthless relationship.
A reader of Savage Love suggested the initialisation ITMFA, a take on DTMFA, meaning "Impeach the Motherfucker Already!" The initialisation was coined in reference to the
presidency of George W. Bush
George W. Bush's tenure as the 43rd president of the United States began with his first inauguration on January 20, 2001, and ended on January 20, 2009. Bush, a Republican from Texas, took office following a narrow victory over Democratic i ...
in 2006, but was reintroduced in 2017 in reaction to the
presidency of Donald Trump
Donald Trump's tenure as the 45th president of the United States began with his inauguration on January 20, 2017, and ended on January 20, 2021. Trump, a Republican from New York City, took office following his Electoral College victory ...
. Starting in 2018 Savage, through his web site, sold clothing with ITMFA on it.
GGG
Savage coined "GGG",
[Ken Walczak]
"The GGG Cocktail"
www.good.is, May 9, 2012 (accessed December 26, 2012) ("Dan is best known for two things: his advice that partners in any relationship strive to be Good, Giving, and Game (GGG) and ..."). "good, giving, and game", and it means one should strive to be ''good'' in bed, ''giving'' "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and ''game'' "for anything – within reason".
The term inspired the "How GGG Are You? Test" on dating site
OkCupid
OkCupid (often abbreviated as OKC, but officially OkC) is a U.S.-based, internationally operating online dating, friendship, and formerly also a social networking website and application. It features multiple-choice questions to match members. ...
, and the invention of a
cocktail
A cocktail is an alcoholic mixed drink. Most commonly, cocktails are either a combination of spirits, or one or more spirits mixed with other ingredients such as tonic water, fruit juice, flavored syrup, or cream. Cocktails vary widely across ...
.
HTH
"How'd that happen?", a mock-incredulous reply to those who write in and say they had certain (often sexual) things "happen to" them, as if they had no part or say in the incident, when they clearly did.
Lifting luggage
Following the
"rent boy" allegations regarding
George Rekers
George Alan Rekers (born July 11, 1948) is an American psychologist and ordained Southern Baptist minister. He is emeritus professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine. Rekers has a ...
, who has widely promoted
aversion therapy
Aversion therapy is a form of psychological treatment in which the patient is exposed to a stimulus while simultaneously being subjected to some form of discomfort. This conditioning is intended to cause the patient to associate the stimulus wit ...
, Dan Savage, along with others including
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Tyrone Colbert ( ; born May 13, 1964) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. He is best known for hosting the satirical Comedy Central program ''The Colbert Report'' from 2005 to ...
, promoted the use of the idiom "to lift
ome
Ome may refer to:
Places
* Ome (Bora Bora), a public island in the lagoon of Bora Bora
* Ome, Lombardy, Italy, a town and ''comune'' in the Province of Brescia
* Ōme, Tokyo, a city in the Prefecture of Tokyo
* Ome (crater), a crater on Mars
Tran ...
ne's luggage", meaning to supply sexual pleasure to, or derive it from, one's partner. This originated from Rekers who, when outed, insisted he had hired the escort only to assist him with lifting his luggage.
Rekers also claimed he "spent a great deal of time sharing scientific information on the desirability of abandoning homosexual intercourse" and "shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with him in great detail".
Originally Savage suggested that "lifting my luggage" refer to listening to the speaker expound on the "desirability" of converting oneself from homosexual to heterosexual. Later, after several political humorists started employing "lifting your luggage" as an implicit or explicit reference to various sexual acts, Savage suggested that "whatever lifts your luggage" supplant "whatever floats your boat" in common parlance.
Monogamish
In a July 20, 2011 column, Savage coined the term "monogamish", applying it to his own relationship with his partner. The term describes couples who are "mostly" but not 100% monogamous; such couples have an understanding that allows for some amount of sexual activity outside the relationship.
Savage believes that, of all the couples that people think are 100% monogamous, a lot of them are more "monogamish" than people realize. The term has since seen mainstream use.
Pegging
In 2001, Savage challenged readers of his column to coin a name for the sex act in which a woman uses a strap-on
dildo
A dildo is a sex toy, often explicitly phallic in appearance, intended for sexual penetration or other sexual activity during masturbation or with sex partners. Dildos can be made from a number of materials and shaped like an erect human penis ...
to perform
anal sex
Anal sex or anal intercourse is generally the insertion and thrusting of the erect penis into a person's anus, or anus and rectum, for sexual pleasure.Sepages 270–271for anal sex information, anpage 118for information about the clitoris. ...
on her male partner. After multiple nominations and a reader vote, the verb "
peg" was chosen, with a 43%
plurality over runners-up "bob" and "punt".
Saddlebacking
In 2009, after a controversy involving the
Saddleback Church
Saddleback Church is a Baptist Evangelical multi-site megachurch, affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention, located in Lake Forest, California. It is the largest church in California, and one of the largest in the United States of America ...
, the column defined "saddlebacking" as "the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities". The term is a play on the word "
barebacking
Bareback sex is physical sexual activity, especially sexual penetration, without the use of a condom. The topic primarily concerns anal sex between men who have sex with men without the use of a condom, and may be distinguished from unprotected se ...
", referring to sexual intercourse, especially anal sex between men, with no condom ("bare").
Santorum
Savage reacted strongly to statements made about homosexuality by former
United States Senator
The United States Senate is the Upper house, upper chamber of the United States Congress, with the United States House of Representatives, House of Representatives being the Lower house, lower chamber. Together they compose the national Bica ...
Rick Santorum
Richard John Santorum ( ; born May 10, 1958) is an American politician, attorney, and political commentator. A member of the Republican Party, he served as a United States Senator from Pennsylvania from 1995 to 2007 and was the Senate's thir ...
in an April 2003 interview with the
Associated Press
The Associated Press (AP) is an American non-profit news agency headquartered in New York City. Founded in 1846, it operates as a cooperative, unincorporated association. It produces news reports that are distributed to its members, U.S. newspa ...
.
Santorum included gay sex as a form of deviant sexual behavior, along with
incest
Incest ( ) is human sexual activity between family members or close relatives. This typically includes sexual activity between people in consanguinity (blood relations), and sometimes those related by affinity (marriage or stepfamily), adoption ...
,
polygamy
Crimes
Polygamy (from Late Greek (') "state of marriage to many spouses") is the practice of marrying multiple spouses. When a man is married to more than one wife at the same time, sociologists call this polygyny. When a woman is married ...
, and
bestiality, that he said threatens society and the family; he said that he believed consenting adults do not have a
constitutional
A constitution is the aggregate of fundamental principles or established precedents that constitute the legal basis of a polity, organisation or other type of entity and commonly determine how that entity is to be governed.
When these princip ...
right to privacy
The right to privacy is an element of various legal traditions that intends to restrain governmental and private actions that threaten the privacy of individuals. Over 150 national constitutions mention the right to privacy. On 10 December 1948 ...
with respect to sexual acts. Savage invited his readers to create a sex-related definition for "santorum" to "memorialize the Santorum scandal
..by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head." The winning definition was "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." Savage set up a website to spread the term, inviting bloggers and others to link to it, which caused it to rise to the top of a Google search for Santorum's name.
[Mencimer, Stephanie]
"Rick Santorum's Anal Sex Problem"
''Mother Jones'', September/October 2010.
References
External links
Savage Loveat ''
The Stranger''
Spreading Santorum
{{Sexual slang
2006 podcast debuts
Advice columns
LGBT-related podcasts
Santorum
Dan Savage
Sexology
The Stranger (newspaper)
Advice podcasts