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Quaker weddings are the traditional ceremony of
marriage Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between ...
within the
Religious Society of Friends Quakers are people who belong to a historically Protestant Christian set of denominations known formally as the Religious Society of Friends. Members of these movements ("theFriends") are generally united by a belief in each human's abili ...
. Quaker weddings are conducted in a similar fashion to regular Quaker meetings for worship, primarily in silence and without an officiant or a rigid program of events, and therefore differ greatly from traditional Western weddings.


Quaker marriage in history

After the local meeting had approved the
couple Couple or couples may refer to : Basic meaning *Couple (app), a mobile app which provides a mobile messaging service for two people *Couple (mechanics), a system of forces with a resultant moment but no resultant force *Couple (relationship), tw ...
's intention, an announcement would be made and posted in the market on market day. Afterward, the wedding could take place. Outsiders sometimes criticised Quaker couples for living in sin because they married each other without priests or ministers.
George Fox George Fox (July 1624 – 13 January 1691) was an English Dissenter, who was a founder of the Religious Society of Friends, commonly known as the Quakers or Friends. The son of a Leicestershire weaver, he lived in times of social upheaval and ...
, the founder of the Society of Friends, and
Margaret Fell Margaret Fell orMargaret Fox ( Askew, formerly Fell; 1614 – 23 April 1702) was a founder of the Religious Society of Friends. Known popularly as the "mother of Quakerism," she is considered one of the Valiant Sixty early Quaker preachers and m ...
married using a modification of that procedure in 1669. Two years later, when Fox was in Barbados, he sent out an epistle in which he advocated giving women's meetings the initial responsibility to pass on a couple's intentions when the couple had expressed a desire to be wed. That advice became quite controversial for those who did not want to see women's roles expanded.


Quaker marriage today

When a couple decides to get married they declare their intentions to marry to the meeting (either in writing or in person). In many Yearly Meetings, the meeting then appoints a
clearness committee A clearness committee is a process for discernment within the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). It is often used when a member of the meeting seeks to reach clarity on how to respond to a concern or dilemma. Like Quaker business meetings, ...
to talk with the couple and make sure that they have properly prepared themselves for marriage. If the committee is clear that this couple is ready, it recommends that the monthly meeting should take the wedding "under their care" and appoint a committee to ensure the couple makes all the needed arrangements for the wedding ceremony. The duties vary but may include helping schedule the date, finding premarital counseling, making the Quaker
marriage certificate A marriage certificate (sometimes: marriage lines) is an official statement that two people are married. In most jurisdictions, a marriage certificate is issued by a government official only after the civil registration of the marriage. In so ...
, making sure the couple knows how to acquire and file any legal documents. In other Yearly Meetings, clearness committees are an option the couple can choose. In America, some couples choose to marry within the meeting without registering their marriage with the government, a tradition dating back to Quakerism's earliest days. Meetings generally encourage couples to seek legal advice before undertaking this option.
Common-law marriage Common-law marriage, also known as non-ceremonial marriage, marriage, informal marriage, or marriage by habit and repute, is a legal framework where a couple may be considered married without having formally registered their relation as a civil ...
, also called "marriage by habit and repute," by which a couple is legally married simply through cohabitation and by holding themselves out to the world to be husband and wife, is no longer a valid method of marriage in most American jurisdictions. If a couple later needs to prove that it is married, the Quaker wedding certificate signed by witnesses at the ceremony may be sufficient in some
US states In the United States, a state is a constituent political entity, of which there are 50. Bound together in a political union, each state holds governmental jurisdiction over a separate and defined geographic territory where it shares its sover ...
. A few states have statutes that specifically recognize Quaker marriages in which ministers are not officiants, as legal. However, most Yearly Meetings and Monthly Meetings encourage Friends marrying under their care to obtain marriage licenses and have them signed by a representative of the Meeting and to file duly the licenses with the state. This is a special concern since common-law marriages, under which Quaker marriages were formerly valid in many states, are legally recognized only in a few US states. There is some discomfort with the obtaining and filing of marriage licenses for heterosexual couples in Meetings in which the joining of homosexual or lesbian couples is recognized because of the Quaker concern for equality. Various means of dealing with issue have been worked out in Monthly Meetings and Yearly Meetings. Same-sex couples can also be married with or without government documents in some meetings (see homosexuality and Quakerism).


Procedure

A traditional wedding ceremony in a Friends meeting is similar to any other meeting for worship and therefore is often very different from the experience expected by non-Friends. The attendees gather for silent worship, often with the couple sitting in front of the meeting (that may depend on the layout of the particular
Friends meeting house A Friends meeting house is a meeting house of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), where meeting for worship is usually held. Typically, Friends meeting houses are simple and resemble local residential buildings. Steeples, spires, and ...
). Out of the silence, the couple will exchange what the
Philadelphia Yearly Meeting Philadelphia Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends, or simply Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, or PYM, is the central organizing body for Quaker meetings in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States, area, including parts of Pennsylva ...
describes as "promises" and
Britain Yearly Meeting The Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Britain, also known as the Britain Yearly Meeting (and, until 1995, the London Yearly Meeting), is a Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in England, S ...
describes as "declarations" with each other. The promises are short, simple, and egalitarian and can vary between different regions and meetings. Traditionally, Quakers do not swear or make oaths because they intend to tell the truth at all times, and thus have no need of swearing. Since Friends traditionally have no clergy, there is no one person to "marry" them. Instead, they believe that they are married by God and declare their intentions before God and those gathered. They believe that the marriage is merely "witnessed" by those present. George Fox wrote in 1669:
"For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests' or the magistrates'; for it is God's ordinance and not man's; and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together: for we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses."
The administrative tasks associated with the marriage are completed by a Registering Officer, who is a person specially appointed by the
Monthly Meeting In the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), a monthly meeting or area meeting is the basic governing body, a congregation which holds regular meetings for business for Quakers in a given area. The monthly meeting is responsible for the administr ...
in which the couple is to be married. However, that person is responsible purely for the administration of matters such as the certificate and does not "marry" the couple. Usually, there are no bridesmaids or other special roles in the wedding other than that of the bride and the groom. The couple then signs the Quaker wedding certificate. All those present are invited to give ministry with the gathered meeting as they feel led, as in any other meeting for worship. At the close of worship, all who are present at the meeting are asked to sign the wedding certificate as witnesses. Often, the certificate is hung prominently in the home of the couple as a reminder of the declarations it made and of the people with whom it shared that moment.


United Kingdom


Declarations

The declarations made by the couple in meetings for worship for the solemnisation of marriage in
Britain Yearly Meeting The Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Britain, also known as the Britain Yearly Meeting (and, until 1995, the London Yearly Meeting), is a Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in England, S ...
are as follows (words in ''italics'' are optional):
"''In the presence of God'' (OR ''In the fear of the Lord and in the presence of this assembly''), Friends, I take this my friend NAME to be my spouse*, promising, through divine assistance (OR with God's help), to be unto him/her a loving and faithful spouse*, so long as we both on earth shall live (OR until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us)"
* the word "spouse" may be replaced by "wife", "husband" or "partner in marriage". The declarations may also be made in
Welsh Welsh may refer to: Related to Wales * Welsh, referring or related to Wales * Welsh language, a Brittonic Celtic language spoken in Wales * Welsh people People * Welsh (surname) * Sometimes used as a synonym for the ancient Britons (Celtic peop ...
.


Law

Quaker marriage has been subject of special law in
England and Wales England and Wales () is one of the three legal jurisdictions of the United Kingdom. It covers the constituent countries England and Wales and was formed by the Laws in Wales Acts 1535 and 1542. The substantive law of the jurisdiction is Eng ...
since the 18th century. The first
Marriage Act 1753 The Clandestine Marriages Act 1753, also called the Marriage Act 1753, long title "An Act for the Better Preventing of Clandestine Marriage", popularly known as Lord Hardwicke's Marriage Act (citation 26 Geo. II. c. 33), was the first statutor ...
, which regulated the legal and civic recognition of marriage, recognised only marriages conducted by the "
Society of Friends Quakers are people who belong to a historically Protestant Christian set of denominations known formally as the Religious Society of Friends. Members of these movements ("theFriends") are generally united by a belief in each human's abili ...
", Jews and the
Church of England The Church of England (C of E) is the established Christian church in England and the mother church of the international Anglican Communion. It traces its history to the Christian church recorded as existing in the Roman province of Britain ...
and removed recognition of common-law marriage or marriage conducted by any other religious group. Thus, Quakers' marriages were legally recognised though marriages within other non-conformist traditions were not legally recognised. The special exemption for
Quakers Quakers are people who belong to a historically Protestant Christian set of denominations known formally as the Religious Society of Friends. Members of these movements ("theFriends") are generally united by a belief in each human's abil ...
has continued in subsequent
Marriage Act Marriage Act may refer to a number of pieces of legislation: Australia * Marriage Act 1961, Australia's law that governs legal marriage. * Marriage Amendment (Definition and Religious Freedoms) Act 2017 Canada * ''Civil Marriage Act'' passed in ...
s in England and Wales up to and including the
Marriage Act 1949 The Marriage Act 1949 (12, 13 & 14 Geo 6 c 76) is an Act of the Parliament of the United Kingdom regulating marriages in England and Wales. The Act had prohibited solemnizing marriages during evenings and at night. Since the Marriage Act 1836 i ...
, which allows "marriage in according to the usages of the Society of Friends, commonly called Quakers". Quakers and Jews were exempt from the restrictions within the Marriage Act 1949 from the requirements to marry in certain approved locations or at certain times and so they were the only groups who were (theoretically) allowed, for example, to marry outdoors or in the middle of the night (although in practice, Quaker marriages are performed in a place where there is a regular Meeting for Worship held and so they would not usually take place outside). The law with regard to Quaker weddings in England and Wales is based around Section 47 of the Marriage Act 1949 ''Marriages according to usages of the Society of Friends''. Quaker marriages in England and Wales have ''two'' marriage certificates: *The Quaker marriage certificate is a large document which sets out the couple's names, the procedure they have followed and the declarations made. It is signed by the couple and by all who were present at the meeting for worship for solemnisation of the marriage. This is a requirement of
Britain Yearly Meeting The Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Britain, also known as the Britain Yearly Meeting (and, until 1995, the London Yearly Meeting), is a Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in England, S ...
and is kept by the couple but is not normally recognised by any organisation outside of the
Religious Society of Friends Quakers are people who belong to a historically Protestant Christian set of denominations known formally as the Religious Society of Friends. Members of these movements ("theFriends") are generally united by a belief in each human's abili ...
. *The Quaker civil marriage certificate is the certificate recognised by the government and also by institutions such as banks. It is completed by the Registering Officer of the Area Meeting in which the marriage is taking place, and it is signed by the couple and four witnesses. It is similar in format to the marriage certificate of the
Church of England The Church of England (C of E) is the established Christian church in England and the mother church of the international Anglican Communion. It traces its history to the Christian church recorded as existing in the Roman province of Britain ...
or a
civil wedding A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriag ...
although of a specific design stating that the marriage took place "according to the usages of the Society of Friends". Quakers decided to offer marriage on an equal basis to same-sex couples in 2009. Same-sex marriage was recognized in law in 2014 in England, Scotland and Wales.


United States


Law

A governmental marriage license is not usually part of the ceremony and can be signed at a separate time if that is desired. In many areas, the license must be signed by an "officiant", which in most cases is one or more members of an oversight committee. In the District of Columbia and the states of Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Illinois, Colorado, and California,
self-uniting marriage A self-uniting marriage is one in which the couple are married without the presence of a third-party officiant. Although non-denominational, this method of getting married is sometimes referred to as a "Quaker marriage", after the marriage practi ...
licenses are available, which require only the signatures of the bride, the groom, and witnesses. Most, if not all, states provide by statute that a few members of the Meeting, who are duly appointed by name under its normal business procedure, are thereby legally competent to jointly sign and file the marriage license as the "officiants". Since Friends meetings have traditionally considered a wedding (and indeed the entire marriage) of their members to be under their pastoral care, creating such an "oversight committee" for the wedding is fairly standard, even regardless of any such statute.


See also

*
Christian views of marriage From the earliest days of the Christian faith, Christians have honored ''holy matrimony'' (as Christian marriages are referred to) as a divinely blessed, lifelong, monogamous union between a man and a woman. According to the Episcopal Book of Co ...
*
Ketubah A ketubah (; he, כְּתוּבָּה) is a Jewish marriage contract. It is considered an integral part of a traditional Jewish marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom, in relation to the bride. In modern practice, ...
(Jewish marital contract) *
Nikah In Islam, nikah is a contract between two people. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islami ...
(Muslim marital contract)


References


External links


Quaker marriage procedure in Britain Yearly Meeting



What is an unprogrammed Quaker wedding?
from Beliefnet.com {{DEFAULTSORT:Quaker Wedding Quaker practices Weddings by religion Marriage in Christianity Common-law marriage