Parentification or parent–child role reversal is the process of role reversal whereby a

child A child ( : children) is a human being between the stages of birth and puberty, or between the developmental period of infancy and puberty. The legal definition of ''child'' generally refers to a minor, otherwise known as a person younger ...

or adolescent is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. Two distinct types of parentification have been identified technically: instrumental parentification and emotional parentification. Instrumental parentification involves the child completing physical tasks for the family, such as looking after a sick relative, paying bills, or providing assistance to younger siblings that would normally be provided by a parent. Emotional parentification occurs when a child or adolescent must take on the role of a confidante or mediator for (or between) parents or family members.

Background

Melitta Schmideberg Melitta Rene Schmideberg-Klein (''née'' Klein; 17 January 1904 – 10 February 1983) was a Slovakian-born British-American physician, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst. Biography Schmideberg was born in Ružomberok, Austria-Hungary (now Slovakia ...

noted in 1948 how emotional deprivation could lead parents to treat their children (unconsciously) as substitute parent figures. Minuchin et al. introduced the term ''parentification'' in 1967. Boszormenyi-Nagy et al. defined it in 1973 as "a parental figure's expectation that a child fulfill the role of a parent within the family subsystem." "Spousification" and "parental child" (Minuchin) offered alternative concepts exploring the same phenomenon, while the theme of intergenerational continuity in such violations of

personal boundaries Personal boundaries or the act of'' setting boundaries'' is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid 1980s. It is the practice of openly communicating and asserting personal values as way to pr ...

was further examined.

Eric Berne Eric Berne (May 10, 1910 – July 15, 1970) was a Canadian-born psychiatrist who created the theory of transactional analysis as a way of explaining human behavior. Berne's theory of transactional analysis was based on the ideas of Freud but ...

touched on the dangers of parents and children having a symmetrical, rather than asymmetrical relationship, as when an absent spouse is replaced by the eldest child; and

Virginia Satir Virginia Satir (26 June 1916 – 10 September 1988) was an American author and psychotherapist,http://www.psychologistanywhereanytime.com/famous_psychologist_and_psychologists/psychologist_famous_virginia_satir.htm recognized for her approach to ...

wrote of "the role-function discrepancy...where the son gets into a head-of-the-family role, commonly that of the father".

Object relations theory Object relations theory is a school of thought in psychoanalytic theory centered around theories of stages of ego development. Its concerns include the relation of the psyche to others in childhood and the exploration of relationships between ...

highlighted how the child's

false self The true self (also known as real self, authentic self, original self and vulnerable self) and the false self (also known as fake self, idealized self, superficial self and pseudo self) are a psychological dualism conceptualized by English psychoa ...

is called into being when it is forced prematurely to take excessive care of the parental object; and

John Bowlby Edward John Mostyn Bowlby, CBE, FBA, FRCP, FRCPsych (; 26 February 1907 – 2 September 1990) was a British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachmen ...

looked at what he called "compulsive caregiving" among the anxiously attached, as a result of a parent inverting the normal relationship and pressuring the child to be an attachment figure for them. All such aspects of disturbed and inverted parenting patterns have been drawn under the umbrella of the wider phenomenon of parentification – with the result (critics suggest) that on occasion "ironically the concept of parentification has...been as over-burdened as the child it often describes".

Choice of child

Elder children, often

firstborn A firstborn (also known as an eldest child or sometimes firstling) is the first child born to in the birth order of a couple through childbirth. Historically, the role of the firstborn child has been socially significant, particularly for a firstb ...

s, are chosen for the familial parental role.Satir, p. 167 Often, a younger sibling then takes on the firstborn role. Gender considerations mean that sometimes the eldest boy or eldest girl is selected, even if they are not the oldest child overall, for such reasons as the preference to match the sex of the missing parent. Girls, especially those who have a large family, are likelier than boys to be parentified. Where there is a disabled child in the family to be cared for, "older siblings, especially girls, are at the greatest risk of parentification". A married, widowed, or single parent may treat their child as their spouse; this is known as ''spousification'', and it occurs more often among single than married parents. Mother-son spousification is more common than father-daughter spousification. Mothers may put their sons in this role due to a desire for protection but fear of men. Their sons are a less threatening option. Mother-daughter parentification is also more common than father-daughter parentification. Daughters are likelier than sons to be an emotional anchor. In a mother-daughter relationship, the mother might oblige her daughter to play the caregiving role, in a betrayal of the child's normal expectation of love and care.

Narcissistic

Narcissistic Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance or image and an excessive preoccupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others. Narcissism exists on a co ...

parentification occurs when a child is forced to take on the parent's idealised

projection Projection, projections or projective may refer to: Physics * Projection (physics), the action/process of light, heat, or sound reflecting from a surface to another in a different direction * The display of images by a projector Optics, graphic ...

, something which encourages a compulsive perfectionism in the child at the expense of their natural development. In a type of pseudo-identification, the child is induced by any and all means to take on the characteristics of the parental

ego ideal In Freudian psychoanalysis, the ego ideal (german: Ichideal) is the inner image of oneself as one wants to become. Alternatively, "the Freudian notion of a perfect or ideal self housed in the superego," consisting of "the individual's conscious and ...

– a pattern that has been detected in

western Western may refer to: Places *Western, Nebraska, a village in the US *Western, New York, a town in the US *Western Creek, Tasmania, a locality in Australia *Western Junction, Tasmania, a locality in Australia *Western world, countries that id ...

culture since

Homer Homer (; grc, Ὅμηρος , ''Hómēros'') (born ) was a Greek poet who is credited as the author of the ''Iliad'' and the ''Odyssey'', two epic poems that are foundational works of ancient Greek literature. Homer is considered one of the ...

's description of the character of

Achilles In Greek mythology, Achilles ( ) or Achilleus ( grc-gre, Ἀχιλλεύς) was a hero of the Trojan War, the greatest of all the Greek warriors, and the central character of Homer's ''Iliad''. He was the son of the Nereid Thetis and Peleus, k ...

Effects

Parentification is harmful when it is unfair and significantly burdens the child. As it may be adaptive or maladaptive, it is not always

pathological Pathology is the study of the causal, causes and effects of disease or injury. The word ''pathology'' also refers to the study of disease in general, incorporating a wide range of biology research fields and medical practices. However, when us ...

, but its destructive form (termed ''destructive parentification'') is linked to maladaptive parenting, child maladaptation,

physical abuse Physical abuse is any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person or animal by way of bodily contact. In most cases, children are the victims of physical abuse, but adults can also be victims, as in cases of domestic violence or wo ...

sexual abuse Sexual abuse or sex abuse, also referred to as molestation, is abusive sexual behavior by one person upon another. It is often perpetrated using force or by taking advantage of another. Molestation often refers to an instance of sexual assa ...

, behavioral problems, decreased

emotionality Emotionality is the observable behavioral and physiological component of emotion. It is a measure of a person's emotional reactivity to a stimulus. Most of these responses can be observed by other people, while some emotional responses can only ...

, and poor social competence. Parentified children also have a higher risk of depression,

suicidal ideation Suicidal ideation, or suicidal thoughts, means having thoughts, ideas, or ruminations about the possibility of ending one's own life.World Health Organization, ''ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics'', ver. 09/2020MB26.A Suicidal ideatio ...

anxiety Anxiety is an emotion which is characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil and includes feelings of dread over anticipated events. Anxiety is different than fear in that the former is defined as the anticipation of a future threat wh ...

, and low

self-esteem Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth or abilities. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, "I am loved", "I am worthy") as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. Smith and Mackie (2007) d ...

. Parentification has been linked to young women with

eating disorder An eating disorder is a mental disorder defined by abnormal eating behaviors that negatively affect a person's physical or mental health. Only one eating disorder can be diagnosed at a given time. Types of eating disorders include binge eating d ...

s, particularly in the case of father-daughter relationships. Where there is more than one daughter, the oldest daughter is likelier to be groomed for sexual activity and parentified. One or more of her younger sisters may be targeted by the father for sexual activity in later years. Father-son emotional parentification may result in depression and externalizing in sons. A significant byproduct of parentification is losing one's own childhood. The child may also drop out of school to assume the parental role. In destructive parentification, the child in question takes on excessive responsibility in the family, without their caretaking being acknowledged and supported by others. By adopting the role of parental caregiver, the child loses their real place in the family unit and is left lonely and unsure. In extreme instances, there may be what has been called a kind of disembodiment, a narcissistic wound that threatens one's basic self-identity. In later life, parentified children often experience anxiety over abandonment and loss, and demonstrate difficulty handling rejection and disappointment within interpersonal relationships. Boszormenyi-Nagy et al. are among the researchers who have argued that parentification is not always maladaptive. Researchers of this view say that children may benefit from being treated as capable individuals and taking on the role of supporting and caring for their family. Researchers have speculated that parentification may enhance

empathy Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position. Definitions of empathy encompass a broad range of social, co ...

altruism Altruism is the principle and moral practice of concern for the welfare and/or happiness of other human beings or animals, resulting in a quality of life both material and spiritual. It is a traditional virtue in many cultures and a core as ...

, and responsibility levels for a child. The child may pursue a career in the mental health field. The positive effects are likely because the parentification was temporary and moderate, which is an aspect of adaptive parentification. Adaptive parentification can manifest if the parent is vital to their child's development and expresses to the child their awareness of and appreciation for the child assuming the parental role. Adaptive parentification may not be role reversal when it is instrumental rather than emotional caretaking, temporary and without heavy burden, and when the child is treated fairly by their parents and has their support. Instead of being an aspect of

psychopathology Psychopathology is the study of abnormal cognition, behaviour, and experiences which differs according to social norms and rests upon a number of constructs that are deemed to be the social norm at any particular era. Biological psychopatholo ...

, it is a coping mechanism for stress.

Case studies

Carl Jung Carl Gustav Jung ( ; ; 26 July 1875 – 6 June 1961) was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. Jung's work has been influential in the fields of psychiatry, anthropology, archaeology, literature, philo ...

in his late autobiography reports that his mother always spoke to him as an adult, confiding in him what she could not share with her husband.

Laurens van der Post Sir Laurens Jan van der Post, (13 December 1906 – 15 December 1996) was a South African Afrikaner writer, farmer, soldier, educator, journalist, humanitarian, philosopher, explorer and conservationist. He was noted for his interest in Jun ...

commented on the grown-up atmosphere surrounding the young Jung, and considered that "this activation of the pattern of the "old man" within himself...was all a consequence of the extent to which his father and mother failed each other". * Patrick Casement reports on a patient – Mr T – whose mother was distressed at any and all his feelings, and who therefore protected her from them – mothering ''her'' himself.

Literary examples

'' The Tale of Genji'' tells that for "Kaoru's mother...her son's visits were her chief pleasure. Sometimes he almost seemed more like a father than a son – a fact which he was aware of and thought rather sad". Charles Dickens' "Angel in the house" characters, particularly Agnes Wickfield in ''

David Copperfield ''David Copperfield'' Dickens invented over 14 variations of the title for this work, see is a novel in the bildungsroman genre by Charles Dickens, narrated by the eponymous David Copperfield, detailing his adventures in his journey from inf ...

'', are parentified children. Agnes is forced to be the parent of her alcoholic father and seems to strive for perfection as a means of reaching the "ego ideal" of her deceased mother (who died upon child-birth). Agnes marries late, has relationship and intimacy problems (she has a hard time expressing her love for David until he reveals his own love for her), and has some self-defeating attitudes; in one scene she blames her own father's misfortunes on herself. However, she proves to be resilient, resourceful, responsible and even potentially career-driven (she forms her own school). She also manages to marry the protagonist David and the two live happily together for 10 years with children by the end of the novel. The theme of parentification has also been explored in the ''Twilight'' series, with particular but not exclusive reference to the character of

Bella Swan Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen (née Swan) is the protagonist character of the ''Twilight'' book series by Stephenie Meyer. She is initially an ordinary teenage girl, but during the series, Bella marries vampire Edward Cullen, with whom she has a hu ...

.Nancy R. Reagin ed., ''Twilight and History'' (2010) p. 184–85 and p. 258-9

Background

Choice of child

Narcissistic

Effects

Case studies

Literary examples

See also

References

Further reading