''On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi!'' is a 1974
science fiction
Science fiction (sometimes shortened to Sci-Fi or SF) is a genre of speculative fiction which typically deals with imaginative and futuristic concepts such as advanced science and technology, space exploration, time travel, parallel unive ...
novelette
Novelette may also refer to:
* ''Novelette'' (ballet), a solo modern dance work choreographed by Martha Graham
* Novelette (music), a short piece of lyrical music
* Novelette (literature), a work of narrative prose fiction that is longer than a ...
by
William Tenn
William Tenn was the pseudonym of Philip Klass (May 9, 1920 – February 7, 2010), a British-born American science fiction author, notable for many stories with satirical elements.
Biography
Born to a Jewish family in London, Phillip Klass mo ...
. At an Interstellar Neo
zionist
Zionism ( he, צִיּוֹנוּת ''Tsiyyonut'' after ''Zion'') is a nationalist movement that espouses the establishment of, and support for a homeland for the Jewish people centered in the area roughly corresponding to what is known in Je ...
Congress convened on
Venus
Venus is the second planet from the Sun. It is sometimes called Earth's "sister" or "twin" planet as it is almost as large and has a similar composition. As an interior planet to Earth, Venus (like Mercury) appears in Earth's sky never fa ...
, weirdly-looking aliens claim that they are
Jews
Jews ( he, יְהוּדִים, , ) or Jewish people are an ethnoreligious group and nation originating from the Israelites Israelite origins and kingdom: "The first act in the long drama of Jewish history is the age of the Israelites""The ...
. This legal quagmire was ingeniously resolved by the Great
Rabbi
A rabbi () is a spiritual leader or religious teacher in Judaism. One becomes a rabbi by being ordained by another rabbi – known as ''semikha'' – following a course of study of Jewish history and texts such as the Talmud. The basic form of ...
of Venus. The story satirizes the question "
Who is a Jew?
"Who is a Jew?" ( he, מיהו יהודי ) is a basic question about Jewish identity and considerations of Jewish self-identification. The question pertains to ideas about Jewish personhood, which have cultural, ethnic, religious, political, ...
". It was first published in the anthology ''Wandering Stars: An Anthology of Jewish Fantasy and Science Fiction'' edited by
Jack Dann
Jack Dann (born February 15, 1945) is an American writer best known for his science fiction, an editor and a writing teacher, who has lived in Australia since 1994. He has published over seventy books, in the majority of cases as editor or co-edit ...
.
Plot
:"The word ''goy
In modern Hebrew and Yiddish (, he, גוי, regular plural , or ) is a term for a gentile, a non-Jew. Through Yiddish, the word has been adopted into English (pluralised as goys or goyim) also to mean gentile, sometimes with a pejorative se ...
'' does not apply to aliens. ''Up to recently''."[
]
The
frame story
A frame is often a structural system that supports other components of a physical construction and/or steel frame that limits the construction's extent.
Frame and FRAME may also refer to:
Physical objects
In building construction
*Framing (con ...
is Milchik the TV repairman, the firsthand immediate witness of the events, tells a "Mr. Important Journalist" in a very eloquent and embellished way how this all happened.
You like dust storm
A dust storm, also called a sandstorm, is a meteorological phenomenon common in arid and semi-arid regions. Dust storms arise when a gust front or other strong wind blows loose sand and dirt from a dry surface. Fine particles are transporte ...
s? That’s a dust storm. If you don’t like dust storms, you shouldn’t come to Venus. It’s all we got in the way of scenery. The beach at Tel Aviv we don’t got. Grossinger’s, from ancient times in the Catskills
The Catskill Mountains, also known as the Catskills, are a Physiographic regions of the world, physiographic province of the larger Appalachian Mountains, located in southeastern New York (state), New York. As a cultural and geographic region, ...
, we don’t got. Dust storms we got. But you’re saying to yourself, I didn’t come for dust storms, I didn’t come for conversation. I came to find out what happened to the Jews of the galaxy when they all gathered on Venus. Why should this ''shmendrick
( yi, שמענדריק, אָדער, די קאָמישע חתונה, en, Schmendrik or The Comical Wedding, italic=yes) is an 1877 comedy by Abraham Goldfaden, one of the earliest and most enduring pieces in Yiddish theater. The title role of Shm ...
'', this Milchik the TV man, have anything special to tell me about such a big event? Is he a special wise man, is he a scholar, is he a prophet among his people?
So I’ll tell you. No, I’m not a wise man, I’m not a scholar, I’m certainly not a prophet. A living I barely make, going from level to level in the Darjeeling Burrow with a toolbox on my back, repairing the cheapest kind of closed-circuit sets. A scholar I’m not, but a human being I am. And that’s the first thing you ought to know. Listen, I say to Sylvia, my wife, don’t our Sages say that he who murders one man murders the entire human race? So doesn’t it follow then that he who listens to one man listens to the whole human race? And that he who listens to one Jew on Venus is listening to all the Jews on Venus, all the Jews in the universe, even, from one end to the other?
:<...>
You’re not Jewish, by any chance? I mean, do you have any Jewish ancestors, a grandfather, a great-grandmother maybe? Are you sure? Well, that’s what I mean. Maybe one of your ancestors changed his name back in 2533 — 2533 by your calendar, of course. It’s not exactly that you look Jewish or anything like that, it’s just that you’re such an intelligent man and you ask such intelligent questions.
[
]
About half of the story is a lively explanation why the Great Rabbi Smallman of Venus is so great, and how Venus administration loves the Jewish people, who Neozionists are, and why their congress was convened on Venus, and what a huge crowd of Jews from all over the galaxy had arrived. Milchik muses: "I look around and I remember the promise made to
Abraham
Abraham, ; ar, , , name=, group= (originally Abram) is the common Hebrew patriarch of the Abrahamic religions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. In Judaism, he is the founding father of the special relationship between the Jew ...
,
Isaac
Isaac; grc, Ἰσαάκ, Isaák; ar, إسحٰق/إسحاق, Isḥāq; am, ይስሐቅ is one of the three patriarchs of the Israelites and an important figure in the Abrahamic religions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. He was the ...
, and
Jacob
Jacob (; ; ar, يَعْقُوب, Yaʿqūb; gr, Ἰακώβ, Iakṓb), later given the name Israel, is regarded as a patriarch of the Israelites and is an important figure in Abrahamic religions, such as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. J ...
—“I will multiply your seed as the stars of heaven”
—and I think to myself, “A promise is a promise, but even a promise can go too far. The stars by themselves are more than enough, but when each star has maybe 10, 20 planets…”" All Jewish living quarters are densely occupied, and one morning Milchick finds in his bathtub "three creatures, each as long as my arm and as thick as my head. They look like three brown pillows, all wrinkled and twisted, with some big gray spots on this side and on that side, and out of each gray spot is growing a short gray tentacle." His son explains him that they are the ''Bulbas'', delegates from the fourth planet of
Rigel.
And their accreditation has become a stumbling block of the opening session. The committee said their credentials are in order but for one small thing: they cannot be Jews. - But why? - Of all thises and that's, for starters the Jews have to be human. - Bulbas kindly ask for providing a quotation to this. - Deputy chairman takes over the awkward situation: "But this is really simple: No one can be a Jew who is not the child of a Jewish mother." - But the Bulbas readily present their birth certificates to confirm that all of them have Jewish mothers... Someone calls to a vote, but there are as many opinions as delegates.
They've been accepted as delegates, and who are we to pass upon them as Jews? I'll accept them as Jews in the religious sense, someone else stands up to point out, but not in the biological sense. What kind of biological sense, he's asked by a delegate from across the hall; you don't mean biology, you mean race, you racist. All right, all right, cries out a little man who’s sitting in front of him, but would you want your sister to marry one?
A High Rabbinical Court was convened and rabbi Smallman became its member after some manipulations. Bulbas tell their history before the court. Originally they were a small Orthodox community from
Paramus,
New Jersey
New Jersey is a state in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeastern regions of the United States. It is bordered on the north and east by the state of New York; on the east, southeast, and south by the Atlantic Ocean; on the west by the Delaware ...
looking for a quiet place, which they thought they had found on Rigel IV, where the Bulbas were at the beginning of the industrial revolution. With the help of the industrious newcomers it brought big progress, but it was followed by big wars, big depressions, big dictatorships. And there was only one answer for the question who was guilty of all of this... And there was the first
pogrom
A pogrom () is a violent riot incited with the aim of massacring or expelling an ethnic or religious group, particularly Jews. The term entered the English language from Russian to describe 19th- and 20th-century attacks on Jews in the Russia ...
on Rigel IV... and then more... But Jews tried to strive for their living and to accommodate, and by the time an enlightened government took power, all Jews looked like plain Bulbas. "And they look like the weakest, poorest Bulbas of all, Bulbas of the very lowest class." And bulbas learned at the congress that this was happening everywhere. "After all, hadn’t there been blonde Jews in Germany, redheaded Jews in Russia, black Jews—the
Falashas
The Beta Israel ( he, בֵּיתֶא יִשְׂרָאֵל, ''Bēteʾ Yīsrāʾēl''; gez, ቤተ እስራኤል, , modern ''Bēte 'Isrā'ēl'', Encyclopaedia Aethiopica, EAE: "Betä Ǝsraʾel", "House of Israel" or "Community of Israel"), als ...
—in Ethiopia, tall
Mountain Jews in the Caucasus who had been as fine horsemen and marksmen as their neighbors? "
Bulbas were told that the change they described is against the experimental facts of biology. The Bulbas, who presented their complete genealogical charts, retorted: "Who are you going to believe, the experimental facts of biology—or your fellow Jews?"
And this turned out to be an important question: "
Ruth was a
Moabite, and from her came eventually
King David
David (; , "beloved one") (traditional spelling), , ''Dāwūd''; grc-koi, Δαυΐδ, Dauíd; la, Davidus, David; gez , ዳዊት, ''Dawit''; xcl, Դաւիթ, ''Dawitʿ''; cu, Давíдъ, ''Davidŭ''; possibly meaning "beloved one". w ...
. And how about
Ezra
Ezra (; he, עֶזְרָא, '; fl. 480–440 BCE), also called Ezra the Scribe (, ') and Ezra the Priest in the Book of Ezra, was a Jewish scribe (''sofer'') and priest (''kohen''). In Greco-Latin Ezra is called Esdras ( grc-gre, Ἔσδρας ...
and the problem of the Jewish men who took
Canaan
Canaan (; Phoenician: 𐤊𐤍𐤏𐤍 – ; he, כְּנַעַן – , in pausa – ; grc-bib, Χανααν – ;The current scholarly edition of the Greek Old Testament spells the word without any accents, cf. Septuaginta : id est Vetus T ...
ite wives? And where do you fit the
Samaritans
Samaritans (; ; he, שומרונים, translit=Šōmrōnīm, lit=; ar, السامريون, translit=as-Sāmiriyyūn) are an ethnoreligious group who originate from the ancient Israelites. They are native to the Levant and adhere to Samarit ...
in all this? Jewish women, you’ll remember, were not allowed to marry Samaritans. And what does
Maimonides
Musa ibn Maimon (1138–1204), commonly known as Maimonides (); la, Moses Maimonides and also referred to by the acronym Rambam ( he, רמב״ם), was a Sephardic Jewish philosopher who became one of the most prolific and influential Torah ...
have to say on the subject?"
It was suggested that their problem may be resolved simply by
conversion to Judaism
Conversion to Judaism ( he, גיור, ''giyur'') is the process by which non-Jews adopt the Jewish religion and become members of the Jewish ethnoreligious community. It thus resembles both conversion to other religions and naturalization. "Th ...
. But others insisted that the procedure of conversion of people who already are Jews would be a mockery.
Eventually rabbi Smallman brought everybody to a common point of view. "To bring a bunch of Jews—and learned Jews!—to a single decision, that, my friend, is an achievement that can stand"...
History
The story was written in about seven years after author's last published story (not counting reprints in collections).
Bud Webster
Clarence Howard "Bud" Webster (July 27, 1952 – February 13, 2016) was an American science fiction and fantasy writer who is also known for his essays on both the history of science fiction and sf/fantasy anthologies as well. He is perhaps bes ...
"In a Klass By Himself (or, Tops On a Scale of One to Tenn)"
/ref>
In 2016 the ''Tablet Magazine
''Tablet'' is an online magazine focused on Jewish news and culture. The magazine was founded in 2009 and is supported by the Nextbook foundation. Its editor-in-chief is Alana Newhouse.
History
''Tablet'' was founded in 2009 with the suppor ...
'' reprinted the story with the preface which described the origin of the story. William Tenn decided to retire from writing and devote himself to professorship under his original name of Philip Klass. However, in 1973 he met with his fans at a sci-fi convention and addressing the question why he quit, he answered there is not much market for what he wanted to write and mentioned this particular title thinking it to be an example of a non-starter. But it turned out that one of the fans was planning a collection of Jewish science fiction, so William Tenn wrote what he described as " a small monument to Sholem Aleichem", "The result: a magisterial meditation on Jewish identity, history, persecution, and pathologies that is both deeply thoughtful and utterly hilarious. ".["On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi!"]
the full story with a preface, ''Tablet Magazine
''Tablet'' is an online magazine focused on Jewish news and culture. The magazine was founded in 2009 and is supported by the Nextbook foundation. Its editor-in-chief is Alana Newhouse.
History
''Tablet'' was founded in 2009 with the suppor ...
'', December 26, 2016
In 1978 it was translated in German as ''Wir haben einen Rabbi auf der Venus'' and in 1998 in Russian as ''Таки у нас на Венере есть рабби!''.
William Tenn delivered the reading of the story on WNYC
WNYC is the trademark and a set of call letters shared by WNYC (AM) and WNYC-FM, a pair of nonprofit, noncommercial, public radio stations located in New York City. WNYC is owned by New York Public Radio (NYPR), a nonprofit organization that di ...
's ''Spinning on Air'' with David Garland, November 22, 2002. The reading was accompanied by an interview.
Discussion
Phil M. Cohen writes: "This hilarious story, which rings with Yiddish
Yiddish (, or , ''yidish'' or ''idish'', , ; , ''Yidish-Taytsh'', ) is a West Germanic language historically spoken by Ashkenazi Jews. It originated during the 9th century in Central Europe, providing the nascent Ashkenazi community with a ver ...
-inspired inflections and Sholom Aleichem's sardonic humor and style, is a romp through Jewish history, angst, and the perpetual foibles of the Jewish people as they argue over what comprises their identity. No matter when or where Jews may find themselves — even on Venus, with tentacles or without — they will always be a contentious people, rooted in sacred text, and looking over their shoulders at the past and straight ahead into the future with a sense of humor."
Bud Webster
Clarence Howard "Bud" Webster (July 27, 1952 – February 13, 2016) was an American science fiction and fantasy writer who is also known for his essays on both the history of science fiction and sf/fantasy anthologies as well. He is perhaps bes ...
pinpoints the conflict as follows: Bulbas are not just aliens (after all, there were blue Jews from Aldebaran
Aldebaran (Arabic: “The Follower”, "الدبران") is the brightest star in the zodiac constellation of Taurus. It has the Bayer designation α Tauri, which is Latinized to Alpha Tauri and abbreviated Alpha Tau or α Tau. Aldebar ...
), they are not simply different, they are ''inhuman'' aliens. He writes that the solution is both properly Talmud
The Talmud (; he, , Talmūḏ) is the central text of Rabbinic Judaism and the primary source of Jewish religious law (''halakha'') and Jewish theology. Until the advent of modernity, in nearly all Jewish communities, the Talmud was the cente ...
ic, and properly science-fictional: the Bulbas have sufficient human-ness, to transcend their non-humanity.[
]Nick Gevers
Nick Gevers (born 1965) is a South African science fiction editor and critic, whose work has appeared in ''The Washington Post Book World'', '' Interzone'', Scifi.com, SF Site, ''The New York Review of Science Fiction'' and ''Nova Express''. H ...
wrote that the story shows "that even the oldest assumptions are perhaps more timeless than we think, and will make the future in their own, in this case distinctly rabbinical, image."
Walter Russell Mead, on an occasion of its republishing by ''Tablet'', describes the story as "wry, funny, sharply observed and deeply human, it’s a story that deserves a permanent place in the annals of science fiction, American literature and Jewish fiction. A Hanukkah
or English translation: 'Establishing' or 'Dedication' (of the Temple in Jerusalem)
, nickname =
, observedby = Jews
, begins = 25 Kislev
, ends = 2 Tevet or 3 Tevet
, celebrations = Lighting candles each night. ...
present to the world from ''Tablet''.""On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi!"
''The American Interest
''The American Interest'' (''AI'') was a bimonthly magazine focusing primarily on foreign policy, international affairs, global economics, and military matters.
History
The magazine was founded in 2005 by a number of members of the editorial ...
'', December 28, 2016
References
External links
*{{isfdb title, 58920
William Tenn: "On Venus, Have We Got a Rabbi!" (full text)
Works by William Tenn
1974 American novels
1974 science fiction novels
Novels set on Venus
Fictional Jews
Jewish American novels
Novelettes
Religion in science fiction
American satirical novels
Novels about extraterrestrial life