Seven frat members showing off their brands

''Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men'' is a 2015 book by Jane Ward, in which the author details the phenomenon of straight-identifying white men seeking out sex with other straight-identifying men despite not identifying as

gay ''Gay'' is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. The term originally meant 'carefree', 'cheerful', or 'bright and showy'. While scant usage referring to male homosexuality dates to the late 1 ...

, bisexual, or

bi-curious Bi-curious is a term for a person, usually someone who is a heterosexual, who is curious or open about engaging in sexual activity with a person whose sex differs from that of their usual sexual partners. The term is sometimes used to describe a ...

Themes

Ward discusses hazing traditions such as the "elephant walk", a heterosexual bonding ritual that she describes as "notorious in the

Greek system Fraternities and sororities are social organizations at colleges and universities in North America. Generally, membership in a fraternity or sorority is obtained as an undergraduate student, but continues thereafter for life. Some accept gradua ...

" in which "men are holding the penis of the guy behind them and they have their thumb in the butt of the guy in front of them." Such rituals can contribute to bringing teams or groups together and providing a feeling of belonging. This can also be achieved by permanent marking in the form of

tattoos A tattoo is a form of body modification made by inserting tattoo ink, dyes, and/or pigments, either indelible or temporary, into the dermis layer of the skin to form a design. Tattoo artists create these designs using several tattooing pr ...

brands A brand is a name, term, design, symbol or any other feature that distinguishes one seller's good or service from those of other sellers. Brands are used in business, marketing, and advertising for recognition and, importantly, to create an ...

. In contrast to these aspects of hazing, it can also become harmful or even abusive (including sexually abusive), and Ward explores the impulse that can lead young men to seek sexual dominance over others in unhealthy ways. Other examples of consensual sexual contact between heterosexual men explored by Ward include the circle jerk, straight men advertising online wanting to masturbate with other straight men, and "the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men." Ward examines the motivations of these men and how they reconcile their behaviors with their straight and heterosexual self-identity in differing circumstances, which includes enculturation into a new community and "

situational homosexuality Situational sexual behavior differs from that which the person normally exhibits, due to a social environment that in some way permits, encourages, or compels the behavior in question. This can include situations where a person's preferred sexual ...

" in single sex environments such as prisons and the military. The book features excerpts from

Craigslist Craigslist (stylized as craigslist) is an American classified advertisements website with sections devoted to jobs, housing, for sale, items wanted, services, community service, gigs, résumés, and discussion forums. Craig Newmark began the ...

personal ads, and discusses a number of reasons why straight men might seek out sex with other men, such as fear of being rejected by women, or finding women's bodies gross. The term "bro-job" (a

portmanteau A portmanteau word, or portmanteau (, ) is a blend of wordsblowjob") refers to a sexual encounter between two straight men who are often close friends. Ward expresses the view that "bro-jobs" are not an indication that a man is actually gay, but rather a means for straight men to explore their own sexual identity. Despite having been credited with coining the term bro-job, Ward clarified:

"I do describe in the book what could arguably be called bro-jobs, but I never once use that word. ...It's sort of like a game of
telephone A telephone is a telecommunications device that permits two or more users to conduct a conversation when they are too far apart to be easily heard directly. A telephone converts sound, typically and most efficiently the human voice, into e ...
, four blogs down the line I'm reading stuff that says 'Jane Ward has written an entire book about bro-jobs.' I just had to laugh."

Awards

''Not Gay'' was one of eight finalists for a 2016

Lambda Literary Award Lambda Literary Awards, also known as the "Lammys", are awarded yearly by Lambda Literary to recognize the crucial role LGBTQ writers play in shaping the world. The Lammys celebrate the very best in LGBTQ literature.The awards were instituted i ...

in the category of

LGBT studies Queer studies, sexual diversity studies, or LGBT studies is the education of topics relating to sexual orientation and gender identity usually focusing on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, gender dysphoria, asexual, queer, questioning, ...

. The award was given to the book ''A Taste for Brown Bodies: Gay Modernity and Cosmopolitan Desire'' by Hiram Pérez.

Response

Rob Redding Robert "Rob" Redding Jr. is an American podcaster, journalist, author and artist. From 2012 to 2013, he hosted the weekday syndicated ''Redding News Review'' on Sirius XM. Personal life and education Redding's father was a preacher. His mot ...

's book ''The Professor: Witnessing White Power'' uses empiricism to surmise that sleeping with white men – either straight or gay – gave some of the most prominent black men of the 20th century like James Baldwin, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Marvin Gaye and

Richard Pryor Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor Sr. (December 1, 1940 – December 10, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian and actor. He reached a broad audience with his trenchant observations and storytelling style, and is widely regarded as on ...

a fearlessness when dealing with racist whites. Redding, who is black, utilizes a mix of communication theories like

proxemics Proxemics is the study of human use of space and the effects that population density has on behaviour, communication, and social interaction. Proxemics is one among several subcategories in the study of nonverbal communication, including haptics ...

kinesics Kinesics is the interpretation of body motion communication such as facial expressions and gestures, nonverbal behavior related to movement of any part of the body or the body as a whole. The equivalent popular culture term is body language, a t ...

and haptics, along with analysis of Jane Ward's book as a case study to explore how interracial relationships between men can be transformative for the black community. He states: "Ward, who is a lesbian, writes about power exchanges between white men. ''The Professor'' explores how gay interracial relationships and encounters may have empirically had an impact on the black community." Author and LGBT sex advice columnist

Dan Savage Daniel Keenan Savage (born October 7, 1964) is an American author, media pundit, journalist, and LGBT community activist. He writes ''Savage Love'', an internationally syndicated relationship and sex advice column. In 2010, Savage and his husba ...

has written that "the men Jane Ward studied might not be gay – gayness could be ruled out in some cases – but straight-identified, married-to-women guys who have sex with other men are likelier to be bisexual, closeted or not, than they are to be straight, fluidity or otherwise." Ward has responded to such comments, and to suggestions that her work contributes to bi erasure, by noting the distinction between sexual identity and behavior. Some of the sexual activities that Ward described are framed in homophobia (bonding activities whereby participants "loudly declare how disgusting the activity is," for example, while simultaneously displaying pleasure and enjoyment) or

misogyny Misogyny () is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women. It is a form of sexism that is used to keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the societal roles of patriarchy. Misogyny has been widely practice ...

, whereby some straight men express desire for heterosexual sex while simultaneously expressing "

pen A pen is a common writing instrument that applies ink to a surface, usually paper, for writing or drawing. Early pens such as reed pens, quill pens, dip pens and ruling pens held a small amount of ink on a nib or in a small void or cavity wh ...

disgust about women's bodies" or contempt for women as inherently inferior – another example of the dichotomy is seen in sugar daddy-type relationships. Ward argues that bisexuality is much broader than a category based on a person's sexual acts and that she is describing "straight-identified men who have no interest in bi-identification whatsoever and who are completely invested in hetero-normativity and who don't even understand the contact that they're having as particularly sexual." Their sexual orientation is separated from their behavior in part because they have no interest whatsoever in engaging with or belonging to Queer subculture, with its anti-normative practices and attitudes. In fact, Ward argues that these men inhabit a social space where their same-sex behavior "reaffirms rather than challenges" their sexual and gender identities. Ward's book deliberately focuses on straight ''white'' males, who she sees as having been overlooked in examinations of

sexual fluidity Sexual fluidity is one or more changes in sexuality or sexual identity (sometimes known as sexual orientation identity). Sexual orientation is stable and unchanging for the vast majority of people, but some research indicates that some people may e ...

. Discussions of Black and Latino men on the "down low" fostered the incorrect impression that straight men engaging in same-sex sexual activity is not part of the "normal" white culture; men who have sex with men come from all cultural and ethnic backgrounds. She argues that straight white men use their same-sex sexual activities "to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men. By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways."

References

{{reflist 2015 non-fiction books American non-fiction books Books about men Books by Jane Ward English-language books Non-fiction books about sexuality Homosexuality New York University Press books

Themes

Awards

Response

See also

References