Melissa Febos is an American writer and professor. She is the author of the critically acclaimed memoir, ''Whip Smart'' (2010)'','' and the essay collections, ''Abandon Me'' (2017) and ''Girlhood'' (2021)''.''

Early life and education

Febos grew up in

Falmouth, Massachusetts Falmouth ( ) is a town in Barnstable County, Massachusetts, United States. The population was 32,517 at the 2020 census, making Falmouth the second-largest municipality on Cape Cod after Barnstable. The terminal for the Steamship Authority ferri ...

. Her father was a sea captain, and her mother a therapist. She left home at 16 after passing the

GED The General Educational Development (GED) tests are a group of four subject tests which, when passed, provide certification that the test taker has United States or Canadian high school-level academic skills. It is an alternative to the US high ...

, moved to

Boston Boston (), officially the City of Boston, is the state capital and most populous city of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, as well as the cultural and financial center of the New England region of the United States. It is the 24th- mo ...

, and worked at an assortment of jobs including as a boatyard hand and as a chambermaid. She attended night courses at Harvard Extension School, then enrolled in

The New School The New School is a private research university in New York City. It was founded in 1919 as The New School for Social Research with an original mission dedicated to academic freedom and intellectual inquiry and a home for progressive thinkers. ...

and moved to

New York City New York, often called New York City or NYC, is the List of United States cities by population, most populous city in the United States. With a 2020 population of 8,804,190 distributed over , New York City is also the L ...

in August 1999. She later earned an MFA at

Sarah Lawrence College Sarah Lawrence College is a Private university, private liberal arts college in Yonkers, New York. The college models its approach to education after the Supervision system, Oxford/Cambridge system of one-on-one student-faculty tutorials. Sara ...

Career

Febos is the author of ''Whip Smart'' (St Martin's Press 2010), a

memoir A memoir (; , ) is any nonfiction narrative writing based in the author's personal memories. The assertions made in the work are thus understood to be factual. While memoir has historically been defined as a subcategory of biography or autobi ...

of her work as a professional

dominatrix A dominatrix (; ) or femdom is a woman who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities. A dominatrix can be of any sexual orientation, but this does not necessarily limit the genders of her submissive partners. Dominatrices are known for inflic ...

while she was studying at

.Alyssa Fetini Friday, Inside the Secret World of a Dominatrix,

Time Magazine ''Time'' (stylized in all caps) is an American news magazine based in New York City. For nearly a century, it was published weekly, but starting in March 2020 it transitioned to every other week. It was first published in New York City on Mar ...

, March 19, 2010 Her second book, the lyric essay collection ''Abandon Me'', was published by

Bloomsbury Publishing Bloomsbury Publishing plc is a British worldwide publishing house of fiction and non-fiction. It is a constituent of the FTSE SmallCap Index. Bloomsbury's head office is located in Bloomsbury, an area of the London Borough of Camden. It has a U ...

on February 28, 2017. ''Abandon Me'' was a LAMBDA Literary Award finalist and a Publishing Triangle Award finalist, and one of the best reviewed books of 2017. Her third book and second essay collection, ''Girlhood'', was published by

on March 30, 2021. It was a national bestseller. Describing ''Girlhood'', ''The New York Times'' wrote, "The aim of this book, though, is not simply to tell about her own life, but to listen to the pulses of many others’...This solidarity puts “Girlhood” in a feminist canon that includes Febos’s idol,

Adrienne Rich Adrienne Cecile Rich ( ; May 16, 1929 – March 27, 2012) was an American poet, essayist and feminist. She was called "one of the most widely read and influential poets of the second half of the 20th century", and was credited with bringing "th ...

, and Maggie Nelson’s theory-minded masterpieces: smart, radical company, and not ordinary at all." A craft book, ''Body Work'', was published by Catapult in 2022. Febos was the co-curator, with Rebecca Keith, of the monthly Mixer Reading and Music series on the

Lower East Side The Lower East Side, sometimes abbreviated as LES, is a historic neighborhood in the southeastern part of Manhattan in New York City. It is located roughly between the Bowery and the East River from Canal to Houston streets. Traditionally an im ...

for ten years. A four-time

MacDowell Colony MacDowell is an artist's residency program in Peterborough, New Hampshire, United States, founded in 1907 by composer Edward MacDowell and his wife, pianist and philanthropist Marian MacDowell. Prior to July 2020, it was known as the MacDowell ...

fellow, she has received fellowships from

Virginia Center for the Creative Arts The Virginia Center for the Creative Arts (VCCA) is a residential artist community in Amherst, Virginia, USA. Since 1971, VCCA has offered residencies of varying lengths with flexible scheduling for international artists, writers, and composers at ...

Vermont Studio Center The Vermont Studio Center (VSC) is a non-profit arts organization located in the town of Johnson, Vermont. It conducts the largest fine arts and writing residency program in the United States, with a significant population of international artis ...

, and the

Bread Loaf Writers' Conference The Middlebury Bread Loaf Writers' Conference is an author's conference held every summer at the Bread Loaf Inn, near Bread Loaf Mountain, east of Middlebury, Vermont. Founded in 1926, it has been called by ''The New Yorker'' "the oldest and most p ...

. Her essays have won awards from

Prairie Schooner ''Prairie Schooner'' is a literary magazine published quarterly at the University of Nebraska–Lincoln with the cooperation of UNL's English Department and the University of Nebraska Press. It is based in Lincoln, Nebraska and was first publish ...

and StoryQuarterly, and for five years she was on the Board of Directors of Vida: Women in Literary Arts. Febos has contributed to publications such as ''

The New York Times ''The New York Times'' (''the Times'', ''NYT'', or the Gray Lady) is a daily newspaper based in New York City with a worldwide readership reported in 2020 to comprise a declining 840,000 paid print subscribers, and a growing 6 million paid ...

'',

The Paris Review ''The Paris Review'' is a quarterly English-language literary magazine established in Paris in 1953 by Harold L. Humes, Peter Matthiessen, and George Plimpton. In its first five years, ''The Paris Review'' published works by Jack Kerouac, Philip ...

Salon Salon may refer to: Common meanings * Beauty salon, a venue for cosmetic treatments * French term for a drawing room, an architectural space in a home * Salon (gathering), a meeting for learning or enjoyment Arts and entertainment * Salon (P ...

Bomb A bomb is an explosive weapon that uses the Exothermic process, exothermic reaction of an explosive material to provide an extremely sudden and violent release of energy. Detonations inflict damage principally through ground- and atmosphere-t ...

, ''Hunger Mountain'',

The Kenyon Review ''The Kenyon Review'' is a literary magazine based in Gambier, Ohio, US, home of Kenyon College. ''The Review'' was founded in 1939 by John Crowe Ransom, critic and professor of English at Kenyon College, who served as its editor until 1959. ' ...

Tin House ''Tin House'' is an American book publisher based in Portland, Oregon, and New York City. Portland publisher Win McCormack originally conceived the idea for a literary magazine called ''Tin House'' in the summer of 1998. He enlisted Holly MacArt ...

Granta ''Granta'' is a literary magazine and publisher in the United Kingdom whose mission centres on its "belief in the power and urgency of the story, both in fiction and non-fiction, and the story’s supreme ability to describe, illuminate and ma ...

Post Road A post road is a road designated for the transportation of postal mail. In past centuries, only major towns had a post house and the roads used by post riders or mail coaches to carry mail among them were particularly important ones or, due ...

Dissent (American magazine) ''Dissent'' is an American Left intellectual magazine edited by Natasha Lewis and Timothy Shenk and founded in 1954. The magazine is published by the University of Pennsylvania Press on behalf of the Foundation for the Study of Independent Social ...

Vogue (magazine) ''Vogue'' is an American monthly fashion and lifestyle magazine that covers many topics, including haute couture fashion, beauty, culture, living, and runway. Based at One World Trade Center One World Trade Center (also known as One Wor ...

The Believer (magazine) ''The Believer'' is an American bimonthly magazine of interviews, essays, and reviews, founded by the writers Heidi Julavits, Vendela Vida, and Ed Park in 2003. The magazine is a five-time finalist for the National Magazine Award. Between 2003 a ...

The Sewanee Review ''The Sewanee Review'' is an American literary magazine established in 1892. It is the oldest continuously published quarterly in the United States. It publishes original fiction and poetry, essays, reviews, and literary criticism. History ''Th ...

, ''Bitch Magazine'' and ''

The Chronicle of Higher Education ''The Chronicle of Higher Education'' is a newspaper and website that presents news, information, and jobs for college and university faculty and student affairs professionals (staff members and administrators). A subscription is required to rea ...

.'''Whip Smart': Memoirs Of A Dominatrix, NPR, March 8, 2010
Interview
/ref> Febos has taught at SUNY Purchase College, the

Gotham Writers' Workshop Gotham Writers Workshop is the United States's largest adult-education writing school. It was founded in New York City in 1993 by writers Jeff Fligelman and David Grae. It was one of the first schools to offer online education, launching its onl ...

New York University New York University (NYU) is a private research university in New York City. Chartered in 1831 by the New York State Legislature, NYU was founded by a group of New Yorkers led by then-Secretary of the Treasury Albert Gallatin. In 1832, the ...

, and

Utica College Utica University is a private university in Utica, New York. The university dates back to the 1930s when Syracuse University began offering extension courses in the Utica area. In 2016, the university enrolled 3,084 undergraduate students and ...

. Until 2020, she was an Associate Professor and MFA Director at

Monmouth University Monmouth University is a private university in West Long Branch, New Jersey. Founded in 1933 as Monmouth Junior College, it became Monmouth College in 1956 and Monmouth University in 1995 after receiving its charter. There are about 4,400 full- ...

.Wayne D. McMurray School of Humanities and Social Sciences
/ref> Febos currently works as an Associate Professor at the

University of Iowa The University of Iowa (UI, U of I, UIowa, or simply Iowa) is a public university, public research university in Iowa City, Iowa, United States. Founded in 1847, it is the oldest and largest university in the state. The University of Iowa is org ...

, where she teaches in the Nonfiction Writing Program.

Media

''Whip Smart'' resulted in a front-page appearance on the cover of the ''

New York Post The ''New York Post'' (''NY Post'') is a conservative daily tabloid newspaper published in New York City. The ''Post'' also operates NYPost.com, the celebrity gossip site PageSix.com, and the entertainment site Decider.com. It was established ...

'', a feature interview on NPR's radio program

Fresh Air ''Fresh Air'' is an American radio talk show broadcast on National Public Radio stations across the United States since 1985. It is produced by WHYY-FM in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The show's host is Terry Gross. , the show was syndicated to 6 ...

with

Terry Gross Terry Gross (born February 14, 1951) is an American journalist who is the host and co-executive producer of ''Fresh Air'', an interview-based radio show produced by WHYY-FM in Philadelphia and distributed nationally by NPR. Since joining NPR i ...

, a guest appearance on

Anderson Cooper Anderson Hays Cooper (born June 3, 1967) is an American broadcast journalist and political commentator from the Vanderbilt family. He is the primary anchor of the CNN news broadcast show ''Anderson Cooper 360°''. In addition to his duties at C ...

's talk show, and an appearance on

CNN CNN (Cable News Network) is a multinational cable news channel headquartered in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S. Founded in 1980 by American media proprietor Ted Turner and Reese Schonfeld as a 24-hour cable news channel, and presently owned by the M ...

Dr. Drew David Drew Pinsky (born September 4, 1958), commonly known as Dr. Drew, is an American media personality, internist, and addiction medicine specialist. He hosted the nationally syndicated radio talk show ''Loveline'' from the show's incepti ...

show. ''Abandon Me'' was one of the best reviewed essay collections of 2017 and a

Lambda Literary The Lambda Literary Foundation (also known as Lambda Literary) is an American LGBT literature, LGBTQ literary organization whose mission is to nurture and advocate for LGBTQ writers, elevating the impact of their words to create community, prese ...

Award finalist.

The New Yorker ''The New Yorker'' is an American weekly magazine featuring journalism, commentary, criticism, essays, fiction, satire, cartoons, and poetry. Founded as a weekly in 1925, the magazine is published 47 times annually, with five of these issues ...

called it "mesmerizing" and wrote that "the sheer fearlessness of the narrative is captivating." ''Girlhood'' was featured on

Morning Joe ''Morning Joe'' is an American morning news and liberal talk show, airing weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. Eastern Time Zone, Eastern Time on the cable news channel MSNBC. It features former Republican Congressman Joe Scarborough r ...

MSNBC MSNBC (originally the Microsoft National Broadcasting Company) is an American news-based pay television cable channel. It is owned by NBCUniversala subsidiary of Comcast. Headquartered in New York City, it provides news coverage and political ...

, and on multiple

NPR National Public Radio (NPR, stylized in all lowercase) is an American privately and state funded nonprofit media organization headquartered in Washington, D.C., with its NPR West headquarters in Culver City, California. It differs from other ...

programs. ''Girlhood'' won the 2021

National Book Critics Circle Award The National Book Critics Circle Awards are a set of annual American literary awards by the National Book Critics Circle (NBCC) to promote "the finest books and reviews published in English".Los Angeles Times The ''Los Angeles Times'' (abbreviated as ''LA Times'') is a daily newspaper that started publishing in Los Angeles in 1881. Based in the LA-adjacent suburb of El Segundo since 2018, it is the sixth-largest newspaper by circulation in the Un ...

'' Bestseller.

Personal life

Febos identifies as

queer ''Queer'' is an umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual or cisgender. Originally meaning or , ''queer'' came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century. Beginning in the lat ...

. She lives in Iowa with her wife, the poet

Donika Kelly Donika Kelly (born early 1980s)

. She spoke at House of SpeakEasy's Seriously Entertaining program about her childhood and rethinking often-normalized experiences of bullying.

Awards

* 2010

Fellowship * 2011

Fellowship * 2012 Bread Loaf Writers Conference Fellowship * 2013 The Prairie Schooner Creative Nonfiction Prize * 2013 The Barbara Deming Memorial Fund fellowship * 2014 Virginia Center for Creative Arts Residency * 2014 A Story Quarterly Essay Prize * 2014

Fellowship * 2015 The Center for Women Writers Creative Nonfiction Prize * 2015 Lower Manhattan Cultural Council Process Space residency * 2015 Vermont Studio Center fellowship * 2017 Ragdale Residency * 2018 The Sarah Verdone Writing Award, Lower Manhattan Cultural Council * 2018

Lambda Literary Award Lambda Literary Awards, also known as the "Lammys", are awarded yearly by Lambda Literary to recognize the crucial role LGBTQ writers play in shaping the world. The Lammys celebrate the very best in LGBTQ literature.The awards were instituted i ...

finalist in Memoir/Biography * 2018 The Publishing Triangle finalist for the Judy Grahn Award for Lesbian Nonfiction * 2018 Lambda Literary's Jeanne Córdova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction * 2018 BAU Institute fellowship at The Camargo Foundation * 2018 Vermont Studio Center fellowship * 2020

Fellowship * 2021

National Book Critics Circle Award The National Book Critics Circle Awards are a set of annual American literary awards by the National Book Critics Circle (NBCC) to promote "the finest books and reviews published in English".National Endowment for the Arts The National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) is an independent agency of the United States federal government that offers support and funding for projects exhibiting artistic excellence. It was created in 1965 as an independent agency of the federal ...

Literature Fellowship * 2022

Guggenheim Fellowship Guggenheim Fellowships are grants that have been awarded annually since by the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Foundation to those "who have demonstrated exceptional capacity for productive scholarship or exceptional creative ability in the ar ...

in Nonfiction

Bibliography

* * * *

References

External links

* {{DEFAULTSORT:Febos, Melissa 1980 births Living people American women bloggers American bloggers American dominatrices BDSM writers People from Falmouth, Massachusetts Sarah Lawrence College alumni The New School alumni American women writers Writers from Massachusetts American women journalists Monmouth University faculty 21st-century American non-fiction writers Harvard Extension School alumni Bisexual women Bisexual academics American women academics 21st-century American women writers American bisexual writers