Jewish Views On Marriage

Marriage in Judaism is the documentation of a contract between a Jewish man and a Jewish woman in which God is involved. In Judaism, a marriage can end either because of a divorce document given by the man to his wife, or by the death of either party. Certain details, primarily as protections for the wife, were added in Talmudic times.

Non-Orthodox developments have brought changes in who may marry whom. Intermarriage is often discouraged, though opinions vary.

Overview

Historic view

In traditional Judaism, marriage is viewed as a contractual bond commanded by God in which a man and a woman come together to create a relationship in which God is directly involved. Though procreation is not the sole purpose, a Jewish marriage is traditionally expected to fulfil the commandment to have children. In this view, marriage is understood to mean that the husband and wife are merging into a single soul, which is why a man is considered "incomplete" if he is not married, as his soul is only one part of a larger whole that remains to be unified.

Rashi explains the verse 'becoming one flesh' (of a man and a woman) as referring to children, whereas Nachmanides understands the verse as referring to sexual union/bonding. Both views are Orthodox and normative; both are interpretations of the Biblical verse discussing the union between a man and a woman.

Recent non-Orthodox views

Non-Orthodox Jewish denominations, such as Reconstructionist, Reform, and Conservative Judaism, recognize same-sex marriage, and de-emphasize procreation, focusing on marriage as a bond between a couple. This view is considered as a diversion from the Jewish Law by the Orthodox denominations, rather than as a legitimate, alternative interpretation.

Betrothal and marriage

In Jewish law, marriage consists of two separate acts, called or , which is the betrothal ceremony, and or , the actual Jewish wedding ceremony. changes the couple's personal circumstances, while brings about the legal consequences of the change of circumstances. In Talmudic times, these two ceremonies usually took place up to a year apart; the bride lived with her parents until the actual marriage ceremony (), which would take place in a room or tent that the groom had set up for her. Since the Middle Ages the two ceremonies have taken place as a combined ceremony performed in public.

According to the Talmud, involves the groom handing an object to the bride – either an object of value such as a ring, or a document stating that she is being betrothed to him. In order to be valid, this must be done in the presence of two unrelated male witnesses. After , the laws of adultery apply, and the marriage cannot be dissolved without a religious divorce. After , the couple may live together.

The act of may be made by the intending parties or by their respective parents or other relatives on their behalf with their consent. A man and a woman cannot be betrothed to one another without agency and consent. The act is formalized in a document known as the , the "Document of Conditions" which is read prior to the . After the reading, the mothers of the future bride and groom break a plate. Today, some sign the contract on the day of the wedding, some do it as an earlier ceremony, and some do not do it at all. It should also be emphasized that this practice is not explicitly mentioned in the Hebrew Bible.

In Haredi communities, marriages may be arranged by the parents of the prospective bride and groom, who may arrange a by engaging a professional match-maker () who finds and introduces the prospective bride and groom and receives a fee for their services. The young couple is not forced to marry if either does not accept the other.

Matrimony

Marital harmony

Marital harmony, known as , is valued in Jewish tradition. The Talmud states that a man should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her more than he honours himself;'' Sanhedrin'' 76b indeed, one who honours his wife was said, by the classical rabbis, to be rewarded with wealth.'' Baba Metzia'' 59b Similarly, a husband was expected to discuss with his wife any worldly matters that might arise in his life. The Talmud forbids a husband from being overbearing to his household, and domestic abuse by him was also condemned. It was said of a wife that "God counts her tears".

As for the wife, the greatest praise the Talmudic rabbis offered to any woman was that given to a wife who fulfils the wishes of her husband; to this end, an early midrash states that a wife should not leave the home "too frequently". A wife, also, was expected to be modest, even when alone with her husband. God's presence dwells in a pure and loving home.

Conjugal rights and obligations

Marriage obligations and rights in Judaism are ultimately based on those apparent in the Bible, which have been clarified, defined, and expanded on by many prominent rabbinic authorities throughout history.

Traditionally, the obligations of the husband include providing for his wife. He is obligated to provide for her sustenance for her benefit; in exchange, he is also entitled to her income. However, this is a right to the wife, and she can release her husband of the obligation of sustaining her, and she can then keep her income exclusively for herself. The document that provides for this is the .

The Bible itself gives the wife protections, as per Exodus 21:10, although the rabbis may have added others later. The rights of the husband and wife are described in tractate in the Talmud, which explains how the rabbis balanced the two sets of rights of the wife and the husband.

According to the non-traditional view, in the Bible the wife is treated as a possession owned by her husband, but later Judaism imposed several obligations on the husband, effectively giving the wife several rights and freedoms; indeed, being a Jewish wife was often a more favourable situation than being a wife in many other cultures. For example, the Talmud establishes the principle that a wife is entitled, but not compelled, to the same dignity and social standing as her husband,''Ketubot'' 48a''Ketubot'' 61a and is entitled to keep any additional advantages she had as a result of her social status before her marriage.

In the Bible

Biblical Hebrew has two words for "husband": (also meaning "master"), and (also meaning "man", parallel to meaning "woman" or "wife"). The words are contrasted in Hosea 2:16, where God speaks to Israel as though it is his wife: "On that day, says the Lord, you will call e'my husband' (), and will no longer call me 'my master' ()."

Early nomadic communities practised a form of marriage known as , in which a wife would own a tent of her own, within which she retains complete independence from her husband; William Robertson Smith, ''Kinship and Marriage in early Arabia'', (1885), 167 this principle appears to survive in parts of early Israelite society, as some early passages of the Bible appear to portray certain wives as each owning a tent as a personal possession (specifically, Jael, Sarah, and Jacob's wives). In later times, the Bible describes wives as being given the innermost room(s) of the husband's house, as her own private area to which men were not permitted; in the case of wealthy husbands, the Bible describes their wives as having each been given an entire house for this purpose.

It was not, however, a life of complete freedom. The descriptions of the Bible suggest that a wife was expected to perform certain household tasks: spinning, sewing, weaving, manufacture of clothing, fetching of water, baking of bread, and animal husbandry. The Book of Proverbs contains an entire acrostic about the duties which would be performed by a virtuous wife.

The husband, too, is indirectly implied to have responsibilities to his wife. The Torah obligates a man to not deprive his wife of food, clothing, or of sexual activity (); if the husband does not provide the first wife with these things, she is to be divorced, without cost to her. The Talmud interprets this as a requirement for a man to provide food and clothing to, and have sex with, each of his wives, even if he only has one.

As a society, the Israelites did not have any laws which imposed monogamy on men. Adulterous married and betrothed women, as well as their male accomplices, were subject to the death penalty by the biblical laws against adultery. According to the Book of Numbers, if a woman was suspected of adultery, she was to be subjected to the ordeal of the bitter water, a form of trial by ordeal, but one that took a miracle to convict. The literary prophets indicate that adultery was a frequent occurrence, despite their strong protests against it, and these legal strictnesses.

In the Talmud and Rabbinic Judaism

The Talmud sets a minimum provision which a husband must provide to his wife:
* Enough bread for at least two meals a day
* Sufficient oil for cooking and for lighting purposes
* Sufficient wood for cooking
* Fruit and vegetables
* Wine, if it is customary in the locality for women to drink it
* Three meals on each shabbat consisting of fish and meat
* An allowance of a silver coin (Hebrew: ) each week

Rabbinic courts could compel the husband to make this provision, if he fails to do so voluntarily. The Chatam Sofer, a prominent 19th century halachic decisor, argued that if a man could not provide his wife with this minimum, he should be compelled to divorce her; other Jewish rabbis argued that a man should be compelled to hire himself out, as a day-labourer, if he cannot otherwise make this provision to his wife.

According to prominent Jewish writers of the Middle Ages, if a man is absent from his wife for a long period, the wife should be allowed to sell her husband's property, if necessary to sustain herself. Maimonides, '' Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 12:10-22 Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 70 Similarly, they argued that if a wife had to take out a loan to pay for her sustenance during such absence, her husband had to pay the debt on his return.

In order to offset the husband's duty to support his wife, she was required by the Talmud to surrender all her earnings to her husband, together with any profit she makes by accident, and the right of usufruct on her property;''Ketubot'' 46b-47b the wife was not required to do this if she wished to support herself. Although the wife always retained ownership of her property itself, if she died while still married to her husband, he was to be her heir, according to the opinion of the Talmud; this principle, though, was modified, in various ways, by the rabbis of the Middle Ages.

= Home and household

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In Jewish tradition, the husband was expected to provide a home for his wife, furnished in accordance to local custom and appropriate to his status; the marital couple were expected to live together in this home, although