''I'm OK – You're OK'' is a 1967
self-help
Self-help or self-improvement is a self-guided improvement''APA Dictionary of Physicology'', 1st ed., Gary R. VandenBos, ed., Washington: American Psychological Association, 2007.—economically, intellectually, or emotionally—often with a subst ...
book by psychiatrist
Thomas Anthony Harris
Thomas Anthony Harris (April 18, 1910 – May 4, 1995) was an American psychiatrist and author who became famous for his self-help manual '' I'm OK, You're OK'' (1967).[transactional analysis
Transactional Analysis (TA) is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social interactions (or “transactions”) are analyzed to determine the ego state of the communicator (whether parent-like, childlike, or adult-like) as a b ...]
as a method for solving problems in life.
The book made the
''New York Times'' Best Seller list in 1972 and remained there for almost two years. It is estimated by the publisher to have sold over 15 million copies to date and to have been translated into over a dozen languages.
Content
In the preface, Harris praises the then-new procedure of transactional analysis (TA, or as Harris often refers to it, P-A-C) as a major innovation addressing the slow process and limited results that he and other psychiatric practitioners believed was characteristic of conventional psychiatry.
Harris' context for the book
Rather than working with abstract concepts of consciousness, Harris suggests that the pioneering work of brain surgeon
Wilder Penfield
Wilder Graves Penfield (January 26, 1891April 5, 1976) was an American Canadians, American-Physicians in Canada, Canadian neurosurgeon. He expanded brain surgery's methods and techniques, including mapping the functions of various regions of th ...
in uncovering the neurological basis of
memory
Memory is the faculty of the mind by which data or information is encoded, stored, and retrieved when needed. It is the retention of information over time for the purpose of influencing future action. If past events could not be remembered, ...
could offer complementary insights grounded in observable reality.
Specifically, Harris emphasizes reports of Penfield's experiments stimulating small areas of the brains of conscious patients undergoing
brain surgery
Neurosurgery or neurological surgery, known in common parlance as brain surgery, is the medical specialty concerned with the surgical treatment of disorders which affect any portion of the nervous system including the brain, spinal cord and peri ...
(the brain does not have any pain receptors, so this can be done in relative comfort for the patient). Though the patients were conscious that they were on an operating table, the stimulation also caused them to recall specific past events in vivid detail—not just facts of the event, but as a vivid "reliving" of "what the patient saw and heard and felt and understood" when the memory was created. Based on these experiments, Harris postulates that the brain records past experiences like a
tape recorder
An audio tape recorder, also known as a tape deck, tape player or tape machine or simply a tape recorder, is a sound recording and reproduction device that records and plays back sounds usually using magnetic tape for storage. In its present- ...
, in such a manner that it is possible subsequently to relive past experiences with all their original emotional intensity.
Harris continues by linking his interpretation of Penfield's experiments to the work of
Eric Berne
Eric Berne (May 10, 1910 – July 15, 1970) was a Canadian-born psychiatrist who created the theory of transactional analysis as a way of explaining human behavior.
Berne's theory of transactional analysis was based on the ideas of Freud but ...
, whose model of psychotherapy is based on the idea that emotionally intense memories from childhood are ever-present in adults. Their influence can be understood by carefully analysing the verbal and non-verbal interchanges ('transactions') between people, hence Berne's name for his model: ''Transactional Analysis''. Harris sees great merit in the ability of TA to define basic units through which human behaviour can be analysed—the 'strokes' that are given and received in a 'transaction' between two or more people—and a standardised language for describing those strokes. This readily understood standardisation, and the association Harris develops between TA and Penfield's neuroscience, gives TA a degree of credibility not possessed by earlier abstract models such as that developed by Freud.
The Parent, Adult, Child (P-A-C) model
After describing the context for his belief of the significance of TA, Harris describes TA, starting from the observation that a person's psychological state seems to change in response to different situations. The question is, ''from what'' and ''to what'' does it change? Harris answers this through a simplified introduction to TA, explaining Berne's proposal that there are three states into which a person can switch: the ''Parent'', the ''Adult'' and the ''Child''.
Harris describes the mental state called the ''Parent'' by analogy, as a collection of "tape recordings" of external influences that a child observed adults doing and saying. The recording is a long list of rules and admonitions about the way the world is that the child was expected to believe unquestioningly. Many of these rules (for example: "Never run out in front of traffic") are relatively basic, often relating to immediate physical need or danger; others (E.g. "...you can never trust a cop", "...busy hands are happy hands") are more complex and concern more subtle or nuanced regions. Nevertheless, Harris asserts that both the former and the latter are 'recorded' in the child's memory in the same manner, as 'Parent' dictations, rather than actually understood concepts or philosophical precepts.
In parallel with those ''Parent'' recordings, the ''Child'' is a simultaneous recording of ''internal'' events—how life felt as a child. Harris equates these with the vivid recordings that Wilder Penfield was able to cause his patients to re-live by stimulating their brains. Harris proposes that, as adults, when we feel discouraged, it is as if we are re-living those Child memories yet the stimulus for re-living them may no longer be relevant or helpful in our lives.
According to Harris, humans start developing a third mental state, the ''Adult'', about the time children start to walk and begin to achieve some measure of control over their environment. Instead of learning ideas directly from parents into the Parent, or experiencing simple emotion as the Child, children begin to be able to explore and examine the world and form their own opinions. They test the assertions of the Parent and Child and either update them or learn to suppress them. Thus the Adult inside us all develops over time, but it is very fragile and can be readily overwhelmed by stressful situations. Its strength is also tested through conflict between the simplistic ideas of the Parent and reality. Sometimes, Harris asserts, it is safer for a person to believe a lie than to acknowledge the evidence in front of them. This is called ''Contamination of the Adult''.
Four life positions
The phrase ''I'm OK, You're OK'' is one of four "life positions" that each of us may take. The four positions are:
# ''I'm Not OK, You're OK''
# ''I'm Not OK, You're Not OK''
# ''I'm OK, You're Not OK''
# ''I'm OK, You're OK''
The most common position is ''I'm Not OK, You're OK''. As children we see that adults are large, strong and competent and that we are little, weak and often make mistakes, so we conclude ''I'm Not OK, You're OK''. Children who are abused may conclude ''I'm Not OK, You're Not OK'' or ''I'm OK, You're Not OK'', but these are much less common. The emphasis of the book is helping people understand how their life position affects their communications (transactions) and relationships with practical examples.
''I'm OK, You're OK'' continues by providing practical advice to begin decoding the physical and verbal clues required to analyze transactions. For example, Harris suggests signs that a person is in a Parent ego state can include the use of evaluative words that imply judgment based on an automatic, axiomatic and archaic value system: words like 'stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, should or ought' (though the latter can also be used in the Adult ego state).
Harris introduces a diagrammatic representation of two classes of communication between individuals: ''complementary transactions'', which can continue indefinitely, and ''crossed transactions'', which cause a cessation of communication (and frequently an argument). Harris suggests that crossed transactions are problematic because they "hook" the Child ego state of one of the participants, resulting in negative feelings. Harris suggests that awareness of this possibility, through TA, can give people a choice about how they react when confronted with an interpersonal situation which makes them feel uncomfortable. Harris provides practical suggestions regarding how to stay in the Adult ego state, despite the provocation.
Having described a generalized model of the ego states inside human beings, and the transactions between them, Harris then describes how individuals differ. He argues that insights can be gained by examining the degree to which an individual's Adult ego state is ''contaminated'' by the other ego states. He summarizes contamination of the Adult by the Parent as "prejudice" and contamination of the Adult by the Child as "delusion". A healthy individual is able to separate these states. Yet, Harris argues, a functioning person does need all three ego states to be present in their psyche in order for them to be complete. Someone who ''excludes'' (i.e. blocks out) their Child completely cannot play and enjoy life; while someone who excludes their Parent ego state can be a danger to society (they may become a manipulative psychopath who does not feel shame, remorse, embarrassment or guilt).
Harris also identifies from his medical practice examples of individuals with blocked out Adult ego states, who were psychotic, terrified and varied between the Parent ego state's archaic admonitions about the world and the raw emotional state of the Child, making them non-treatable by therapy. For such cases, Harris endorses drug treatments, or
electro-convulsive therapy
Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is a psychiatric treatment where a generalized seizure (without muscular convulsions) is electrically induced to manage refractory mental disorders.Rudorfer, MV, Henry, ME, Sackeim, HA (2003)"Electroconvulsive th ...
, as a way to temporarily disrupt the disturbing ego states, allowing the "recommissioning" of the Adult ego state by therapy. Harris reports a similar approach to treating
bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder, previously known as manic depression, is a mental disorder characterized by periods of depression and periods of abnormally elevated mood that last from days to weeks each. If the elevated mood is severe or associated with ...
.
The second half of the book begins by briefly describing the six ways that TA practitioners recognize individuals use to
structure time, to make life seem meaningful. Harris continues by offering practical case studies showing applications of TA to marriage and the raising of both children and adolescents. This section of ''I'm OK, You're OK'' concludes as Harris describes when TA can be relevant to an individual's life, and how and by whom it might be delivered. He promotes the idea that TA is not just a method for specialists, but can be shared and used by many people.
Having described such a structured method of dealing with the challenges of human psychology, the final two chapters of the book discuss the question of improving morality and society. In particular, he asks, if people are not to succumb to domination by the Parent ego state, how can individuals enlightened through TA know how they ''should'' live their lives? Starting from his axiomatic statement ''I'm OK, You're OK'', he acknowledges that accepting it at face value raises the same philosophical dilemmas as the
problem of evil
The problem of evil is the question of how to reconcile the existence of evil and suffering with an omnipotent, omnibenevolent, and omniscient God.The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy,The Problem of Evil, Michael TooleyThe Internet Encyclope ...
does for believers in a just, omnipotent God. Harris continues to explore aspects of
Christianity
Christianity is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. It is the world's largest and most widespread religion with roughly 2.38 billion followers representing one-third of the global pop ...
with reference to TA, together with more generalized questions about the nature of
religion
Religion is usually defined as a social- cultural system of designated behaviors and practices, morals, beliefs, worldviews, texts, sanctified places, prophecies, ethics, or organizations, that generally relates humanity to supernatural, ...
.
The final chapter of ''I'm OK, You're OK'' refers to social issues contemporary at the time of writing, including the
Cold War
The Cold War is a term commonly used to refer to a period of geopolitical tension between the United States and the Soviet Union and their respective allies, the Western Bloc and the Eastern Bloc. The term '' cold war'' is used because the ...
,
Vietnam war
The Vietnam War (also known by #Names, other names) was a conflict in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia from 1 November 1955 to the fall of Saigon on 30 April 1975. It was the second of the Indochina Wars and was officially fought between North Vie ...
and the contemporary controversial
research
Research is "creativity, creative and systematic work undertaken to increase the stock of knowledge". It involves the collection, organization and analysis of evidence to increase understanding of a topic, characterized by a particular att ...
of individuals' response to authority conducted by psychologist
Stanley Milgram
Stanley Milgram (August 15, 1933 – December 20, 1984) was an American social psychologist, best known for his controversial experiments on obedience conducted in the 1960s during his professorship at Yale.Blass, T. (2004). ''The Man Who Shocke ...
. Harris applies TA to these issues and concludes his book with the hope that nations will soon gain the maturity to engage in Adult to Adult dialogue, rather than conducting diplomacy in the collective archaic ego states of Parent or Child, which he sees as causing war and disharmony.
Editions
The book was published first during 1969 in the
United States
The United States of America (U.S.A. or USA), commonly known as the United States (U.S. or US) or America, is a country primarily located in North America. It consists of 50 states, a federal district, five major unincorporated territorie ...
by
Harper & Row
Harper is an American publishing house, the flagship imprint of global publisher HarperCollins based in New York City.
History
J. & J. Harper (1817–1833)
James Harper and his brother John, printers by training, started their book publishin ...
, then republished as ''I'm OK- You're OK'' (). In the
United Kingdom
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, commonly known as the United Kingdom (UK) or Britain, is a country in Europe, off the north-western coast of the continental mainland. It comprises England, Scotland, Wales and North ...
it was published first during 1970 by
Jonathan Cape
Jonathan Cape is a London publishing firm founded in 1921 by Herbert Jonathan Cape, who was head of the firm until his death in 1960.
Cape and his business partner Wren Howard set up the publishing house in 1921. They established a reputation ...
with the title ''The Book of Choice''. It is still in print, published by
Harpercollins
HarperCollins Publishers LLC is one of the Big Five English-language publishing companies, alongside Penguin Random House, Simon & Schuster, Hachette, and Macmillan. The company is headquartered in New York City and is a subsidiary of News Cor ...
.
Criticism
The work of
Wilder Penfield
Wilder Graves Penfield (January 26, 1891April 5, 1976) was an American Canadians, American-Physicians in Canada, Canadian neurosurgeon. He expanded brain surgery's methods and techniques, including mapping the functions of various regions of th ...
concerning human memory, which appeared to Harris to give TA special credibility because it implied a direct association with neuroscience, has not proved readily repeatable. However, recent data (''King-Casas, B., Sharp, C., Lomax-Bream, L., Lohrenz, T., Fonagy, P., and Montague, P. R. (2008). The rupture and repair of cooperation in borderline personality disorder. Science 321, 806–810. doi: 10.1126/science.1155236902'') show the mechanism by which OK vs not OK judgements of value are made in the insula, moment to moment, so Harris' notion is supported.
Harris's assertion that a child does not mature with the life position ''I'm OK - You're OK'' without therapy has been criticised as positioning TA as a quasi-religious
soteriology
Soteriology (; el, σωτηρία ' "salvation" from σωτήρ ' "savior, preserver" and λόγος ' "study" or "word") is the study of religious doctrines of salvation. Salvation theory occupies a place of special significance in many religio ...
.
Harris' assertion that all children start out with an ''I'm not OK, You're OK'' life position was contested by his friend
Eric Berne
Eric Berne (May 10, 1910 – July 15, 1970) was a Canadian-born psychiatrist who created the theory of transactional analysis as a way of explaining human behavior.
Berne's theory of transactional analysis was based on the ideas of Freud but ...
, the originator of TA, who believed that the natural state of a child was feeling ''I'm OK, You're OK''.
As several decades have elapsed since Harris published ''I'm OK, You're OK'', some of the cultural references which were relevant at the time of the book's publication are now less accessible to contemporary readers not familiar with the period.
Influence on popular culture
The name of the book has since become used commonly, often as a dismissive categorization of all
popular psychology
Popular psychology (sometimes shortened as pop psychology or pop psych) is the concepts and theories about human mental life and behavior that are purportedly based on psychology and that find credence among and pass muster with the populace. The ...
philosophies as being overly accepting. The phrase ''I'm OK, You're OK'' is a common
cliché
A cliché ( or ) is an element of an artistic work, saying, or idea that has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, even to the point of being weird or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was consi ...
in
Anglophone
Speakers of English are also known as Anglophones, and the countries where English is natively spoken by the majority of the population are termed the ''Anglosphere''. Over two billion people speak English , making English the largest language ...
culture, at least among an older generation more accustomed to hearing the phrase. Examples of the influence elsewhere are:
*
Wendy Kaminer
Wendy Kaminer (born December 28, 1949) is an American lawyer and writer. She has written several books on contemporary social issues, including ''A Fearful Freedom: Women's Flight From Equality'', about the conflict between egalitarian and protect ...
wrote a
critique
Critique is a method of disciplined, systematic study of a written or oral discourse. Although critique is commonly understood as fault finding and negative judgment,Rodolphe Gasché (2007''The honor of thinking: critique, theory, philosophy''p ...
of the
self-help
Self-help or self-improvement is a self-guided improvement''APA Dictionary of Physicology'', 1st ed., Gary R. VandenBos, ed., Washington: American Psychological Association, 2007.—economically, intellectually, or emotionally—often with a subst ...
business during 1992, named ''
I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional''.
* In the popular television show ''
ALF'', season four, episode five ALF takes on the topic of TA with direct reference to OKness, and even says to Willie, "I'm OK, You're OK".
* In the comedy ''
Airplane II: The Sequel'', the case carried by the bomber also contains a copy of "I'm Alright, You're Alright".
* It is also referenced in a
Kannada
Kannada (; ಕನ್ನಡ, ), originally romanised Canarese, is a Dravidian language spoken predominantly by the people of Karnataka in southwestern India, with minorities in all neighbouring states. It has around 47 million native s ...
movie called ''
Beladingala Baale
''Beladingala Baale'' ( kn, ಬೆಳದಿಂಗಳ ಬಾಲೆ) is a 1995 Kannada romantic movie directed by Sunil Kumar Desai, starring Anant Nag and Suman Nagarkar. It is based on a Telugu language, Telugu novel titled ''Vennello Adapilla' ...
''. The main character explains this to his friend's wife when she asks him why her husband is open and different—A person grows in four stages: first he thinks I'm ok, the world is not ok; second he feels he's not ok, the world is not ok; third he thinks he's not ok, the world is ok; in the end at the fourth stage he realizes that I'm ok, the world is also ok and she should bring her husband to this fourth stage.
* In an episode of ''
The Simpsons
''The Simpsons'' is an American animated sitcom created by Matt Groening for the Fox Broadcasting Company. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family, which consists of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, ...
'', the character Dr. Marvin Monroe refers to his self-help book ''I'm OK, You're Sick and Twisted''.
See also
* ''
Games People Play''
References
External links
* http://www.ericberne.com/ – Dr. Eric Berne
* http://www.drthomasharris.com/im-ok-youre-ok-book-thomas-harris/ – Information on Dr. Thomas A. Harris and I'm OK – You're OK
{{DEFAULTSORT:I'm OK - You're OK
1967 non-fiction books
Self-help books
Transactional analysis
Harper & Row books
1967 neologisms
Popular psychology books