Getting Nowhere Fast is a BBC Radio

sitcom A sitcom, a portmanteau of situation comedy, or situational comedy, is a genre of comedy centered on a fixed set of characters who mostly carry over from episode to episode. Sitcoms can be contrasted with sketch comedy, where a troupe may use ne ...

written by and starring the comedian and musician Mervyn Stutter. Stutter plays "Merv" the co-owner and manager of "The Cyber Pass", a former "vodka'n'veggies" bistro converted into an Internet Cafe. Actress

Lill Roughley Lilian Roughley (born 1949), best known as Lill Roughley, is an English actress who has appeared on British television since the 1970s. Her notable roles include Alice in the first series of ''Mulberry (TV series), Mulberry'', and as Ella Dawkin ...

plays Pamela Baverstock, Merv's ex-wife and the other co-owner of the bistro. Pamela's rich property-developer husband Dominic keeps her in a fine house, in the front garden of which Merv lives in a small

caravan Caravan or caravans may refer to: Transport and travel *Caravan (travellers), a group of travellers journeying together **Caravanserai, a place where a caravan could stop *Camel train, a convoy using camels as pack animals *Convoy, a group of veh ...

. Dominic is never heard from directly, but constantly phones Pamela on her mobile, although he has trouble remembering who she is, so busy is he with his international business interests. Pamela married Dominic after Merv left to pursue a career as a rock musician, leaving her in charge of the bistro they opened together while still a couple. The action of the show revolves around the relationship between Pamela and Merv, with many distractions from the surreal characters who frequent the bistro. Much use is made of character catchphrases to elicit audience reaction. Musical links by Stutter comment on the plot.

Characters

* Merv (Mervyn Stutter) impoverished former would-be rock musician and now manager of "The Cyber Pass". * Pamela (

), Merv's ex-wife living in the lap of luxury. Always answers her mobile phone with "Baverstock!". * Neville Dilkes ( Martin Freeman in series 1,

Gyuri Sarossy Gyuri is a given name used in both Hungarian and Korean culture. Hungarian name As a Hungarian name, Gyuri (pronounced , starting with a voiced palatal stop) is a masculine name. It is a diminutive of György. People with this name include: *Gyu ...

in series 2 and 3), a 28-year-old teenager and would-be cool dude who in fact still lives with his parents. He is in charge of the computer hardware in the bistro. He always enters with the exclamation "Yo, Mr. Stutter dude! Neville is in the building! Everybody in the house say whoa-oh! Everybody in the house say hey, hey!". Silence always follows. * Chantal (

Tracy-Ann Oberman Tracy-Ann Oberman (born Tracy Anne Oberman; 25 August 1966) is an English actress, playwright and narrator. She is widely known for roles including Chrissie Watts in the BBC soap opera ''EastEnders'' (2004–2005) and Valerie Lewis or "Auntie V ...

), a "South African hottie" who works at the bistro, when she can tear herself away from her soft-porn website, and her various plastic surgeons, personal trainers and lifestyle consultants etc. At least once an episode she relates her latest sexual encounter including the words "I had a complete cadenza!". * P.C. Alan Dilkes (

Christopher Ettridge Christopher Ettridge (born 21 February 1948) is an English actor and director born in Isleworth, London. Career Ettridge is best known for his role as dim but good-natured police officer Reg Deadman in the time-travelling comedy series '' Goo ...

in series 1, Michael Mears in series 2 and 3), Neville's father and the local community policeman. He always enters with the words "Move along, move along, there's nothing to see." He and Mrs. Dilkes belong to some unusual clubs. They spend every other weekend with

Oglala Sioux The Oglala (pronounced , meaning "to scatter one's own" in Lakota language) are one of the seven subtribes of the Lakota people who, along with the Dakota, make up the Očhéthi Šakówiŋ (Seven Council Fires). A majority of the Oglala live o ...

Tribute Tribe. * Dibden Purlew ( John Challis), an ageing, out-of-work actor and lush. He is always looking for a free drink, and seems to be kept around purely for entertainment value. He will usually offer witty commentary on the current situation, followed by a call for "applause, cheers, flies etc.". The audience always responds. The film "Neasden Cosh Boys (1955)", in which he appeared, happens to be P.C. and Mrs. Dilkes' favourite film. * Edith Figgis (

), 71-year-old cook, maintenance person, rock-and-roller and admirer of all things male. She leads the local "Pensioner Posse Commune" and plays with the band " The Swinging Blue Veins".

References

External links

* {{BBC programme
''Getting Nowhere Fast''
at epguides.com
Website
for Mervyn Stutter BBC Radio comedy programmes 2001 radio programme debuts