In
psychotherapy and
mental health
Mental health encompasses emotional, psychological, and social well-being, influencing cognition, perception, and behavior. It likewise determines how an individual handles stress, interpersonal relationships, and decision-making. Mental hea ...
, enabling has a positive sense of empowering individuals, or a negative sense of encouraging dysfunctional behavior.
[elinewberger.com](_blank)
From the page on 'enabling', by Eli H. Newberger, M.D., referenced by that web page to ''The Men They Will Become'' ch.18 "Enabling".
Positive
As a positive term, "enabling" is similar to
empowerment
Empowerment is the degree of autonomy and self-determination in people and in communities. This enables them to represent their interests in a responsible and self-determined way, acting on their own authority. It is the process of becoming strong ...
, and describes
patterns of interaction which allow individuals to develop and grow. These patterns may be on any scale, for example within the
family
Family (from la, familia) is a group of people related either by consanguinity (by recognized birth) or affinity (by marriage or other relationship). The purpose of the family is to maintain the well-being of its members and of society. Idea ...
,
or in wider society as "
enabling act
An enabling act is a piece of legislation by which a legislative body grants an entity which depends on it (for authorization or legitimacy) the power to take certain actions. For example, enabling acts often establish government agencies to carr ...
s" designed to
empower EmPower is a brand name that refers to three different power outlets available on commercial airlines:
* 15-Volt, 75 Watt DC connector (now called EmPower Classic by the vendor)
* 5-Volt, 10 Watt USB power-only jacks
* 110-Volt, AC power jacks (some ...
some group, or create a new authority for a (usually
government
A government is the system or group of people governing an organized community, generally a state.
In the case of its broad associative definition, government normally consists of legislature, executive, and judiciary. Government is ...
al) body.
Negative
In a negative sense, "enabling" can describe
dysfunctional behavior approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but in fact may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem.
A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take
responsibility or
blame
Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, or making negative statements about an individual or group that their actions or inaction are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible fo ...
, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person themselves does not have to do so, and is shielded from
awareness
Awareness is the state of being conscious of something. More specifically, it is the ability to directly know and perceive, to feel, or to be cognizant of events. Another definition describes it as a state wherein a subject is aware of some infor ...
of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change.
Codependency
Codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced
relationships in which one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior such as
addiction
Addiction is a neuropsychological disorder characterized by a persistent and intense urge to engage in certain behaviors, one of which is the usage of a drug, despite substantial harm and other negative consequences. Repetitive drug use o ...
, poor
mental health
Mental health encompasses emotional, psychological, and social well-being, influencing cognition, perception, and behavior. It likewise determines how an individual handles stress, interpersonal relationships, and decision-making. Mental hea ...
,
immaturity,
irresponsibility, or
under-achievement.
Enabling may be observed in the relationship between a person with a substance use disorder and their partner, spouse or a parent. Enabling behaviors may include
making excuses that prevent others from holding the person accountable, or cleaning up messes that occur in the wake of their impaired judgment. Enabling may prevent psychological
growth in the person being enabled, and may contribute to negative symptoms in the enabler. Enabling may be driven by concern for retaliation, or fear of consequence to the person with the substance use disorder, such as job loss, injury or suicide. A parent may allow an addicted adult child to live at home without contributing to the household such as by helping with chores, and be
manipulated by the child's excuses, emotional attacks, and threats of self-harm.
Narcissists and abusers
![Narcissus-Caravaggio (1594-96) edited](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Narcissus-Caravaggio_%281594-96%29_edited.jpg)
In the context of
narcissists
Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance or image and an excessive preoccupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others.
Narcissism exists on a co ...
or
abusers
Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other t ...
, enablers are distinct from flying monkeys (proxy abusers). Enablers allow or cover for the narcissist's or abuser's own bad behavior while flying monkeys actually perpetrate bad behavior to a third party on their behalf. Padilla et al. (2007), in analyzying
destructive leadership, distinguished between conformers and colluders, in which the latter are those who actively participate in the destructive behavior.
Emotional abuse is a
brainwashing method that over time can turn someone into an enabler. While the narcissist often
plays the victim, it is quite common for the true victim to believe that he or she is responsible for the abuse and thus must adapt and adjust to it.
Examples of enabling in an abusive context are as follows:
Enabling
Out of the FOG
* Making excuses for another's violent rages.
* Cleaning up someone else's mess.
* Hiding an abuser's dysfunctional actions from public view.
* Absorbing the negative consequences of someone else's bad choices.
* Paying off another person's debts.
* Refusing to confront or protect oneself when exposed to physical, emotional or verbal assault.
* Regurgitating the abuser's 'facts' / version of reality to a third party without seeking evidence.
* Revictimising the abuser's other victims with narcissistic-type behaviour such as gaslighting
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as manipulating someone so as to make them question their own reality. The term derives from the title of the 1944 American film '' Gaslight'', which was based on the 1938 British theatre play '' G ...
, denial
Denial, in ordinary English usage, has at least three meanings: asserting that any particular statement or allegation is not true (which might be accurate or inaccurate); the refusal of a request; and asserting that a true statement is not true. ...
, or scapegoating
Scapegoating is the practice of singling out a person or group for unmerited blame and consequent negative treatment. Scapegoating may be conducted by individuals against individuals (e.g. "he did it, not me!"), individuals against groups (e.g., ...
.
* Triangulation (playing the part in an abuse triangle as either victim or protector, but never seeing themselves as perpetrator).
* Keeping secrets for the narcissist such as affairs, extramarital children, alcoholism, gambling, incest
Incest ( ) is human sexual activity between family members or close relatives. This typically includes sexual activity between people in consanguinity (blood relations), and sometimes those related by affinity (marriage or stepfamily), adopti ...
.
* Projecting / passing on their own shame
Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion often associated with negative self-evaluation; motivation to quit; and feelings of pain, exposure, distrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness.
Definition
Shame is a discrete, basic emotion, d ...
(the shame projected on to them by the narcissist) to third parties.
* Giving up/over knowledge of their finances to be taken care of by the narcissist (oftentimes resulting in considerable debt).
See also
* Personal boundaries
Personal boundaries or the act of'' setting boundaries'' is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid 1980s. It is the practice of openly communicating and asserting personal values as way to ...
* Sycophancy
References
{{Reflist, 2
Motivation
Counseling
Behavior modification
Behavioural syndromes associated with physiological disturbances and physical factors
Interpersonal relationships
Narcissism
Abuse