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A Dear John letter is a letter written to a man by his wife or romantic partner to inform him that their relationship is over, usually because his partner has found another lover. The man is often a member of the military stationed overseas, although the letter may be used in other ways, including being left for him to discover when he returns from work to an emptied house. It is usually sent after time-away on holiday.


Origin and etymology

While the exact origins of the phrase are unknown, the most likely origin dates back to the 1862 poem ''No, thank you, John'' by the Victorian poet
Christina Rossetti Christina Georgina Rossetti (5 December 1830 – 29 December 1894) was an English writer of romantic, devotional and children's poems, including " Goblin Market" and "Remember". She also wrote the words of two Christmas carols well known in Bri ...
. More specifically, the female protagonist Alice Vavasor in Anthony Trollope's 1864 novel ''
Can You Forgive Her? ''Can You Forgive Her?'' is a novel by Anthony Trollope, first published in serial form in 1864 and 1865. It is the first of six novels in the Palliser series, also known as the Parliamentary Novels. The novel follows three parallel stories o ...
'' composes just such a letter to her soon to be spurned lover John Grey. It is commonly believed to have been coined by Americans during
World War II World War II or the Second World War, often abbreviated as WWII or WW2, was a world war that lasted from 1939 to 1945. It involved the vast majority of the world's countries—including all of the great powers—forming two opposing ...
. "John" was the most popular and common baby name for boys in America every single year from 1880 through 1923, making it a reasonable placeholder name when denoting those of age for military service. Large numbers of
American troops The United States Armed Forces are the military forces of the United States. The armed forces consists of six service branches: the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, and Coast Guard. The president of the United States is the ...
were stationed overseas for many months or years, and as time passed many of their wives or girlfriends decided to begin relationships with new men, rather than to wait for the soldiers to return. As letters to servicemen from wives or girlfriends back home would typically contain affectionate language (such as "Dear Johnny", "My dearest John", or simply "Darling"), a serviceman receiving a note beginning with a curt "Dear John" would instantly be aware of the letter's purpose. A writer in the '' Democrat and Chronicle'' of
Rochester, New York Rochester () is a city in the U.S. state of New York, the seat of Monroe County, and the fourth-most populous in the state after New York City, Buffalo, and Yonkers, with a population of 211,328 at the 2020 United States census. Located in W ...
, summed it up in August 1945: An early reference to Dear John letters was made in a
United Press United Press International (UPI) is an American international news agency whose newswires, photo, news film, and audio services provided news material to thousands of newspapers, magazines, radio and television stations for most of the 20t ...
article of March 21, 1944. It has been claimed that the
Vietnam War The Vietnam War (also known by other names) was a conflict in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia from 1 November 1955 to the fall of Saigon on 30 April 1975. It was the second of the Indochina Wars and was officially fought between North Vietnam a ...
inspired more Dear John letters than any other U.S. conflict. Later, this type of letter formed the background to the British television show '' Dear John'', and the American sitcom of the same name. When written to a female lover, the letter is referred to as a ''Dear Jane'' letter in contemporary usage. The changing role of women in the US armed forces created, during the
Iraq War {{Infobox military conflict , conflict = Iraq War {{Nobold, {{lang, ar, حرب العراق (Arabic) {{Nobold, {{lang, ku, شەڕی عێراق ( Kurdish) , partof = the Iraq conflict and the War on terror , image ...
, the possibility of female soldiers being posted overseas for extensive periods while their partners were left behind.


See also

* '' The Prowler'', a 1981 film featuring
Farley Granger Farley Earle Granger Jr. (July 1, 1925 – March 27, 2011) was an American actor, best known for his two collaborations with director Alfred Hitchcock: ''Rope'' in 1948 and '' Strangers on a Train'' in 1951. Granger was first noticed in a small ...
*
Love letter A love letter is an expression of love in written form. However delivered, the letter may be anything from a short and simple message of love to a lengthy explanation and description of feelings. History One of the oldest references to a l ...


References

{{reflist Relationship breakup Letters (message) Love