![The Jealous Husband 1847](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0d/The_Jealous_Husband_1847.png)
A cuckold is the husband of an
adulterous
Adultery (from Latin ''adulterium'') is extramarital sex that is considered objectionable on social, religious, moral, or legal grounds. Although the sexual activities that constitute adultery vary, as well as the social, religious, and legal ...
wife; the wife of an adulterous husband is a
cuckquean
A cuckquean is the wife of an adulterous husband (or partner for unmarried companions), and the gender-opposite of a cuckold. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to females who are investing parental effort in offspring that are n ...
. In
biology
Biology is the scientific study of life. It is a natural science with a broad scope but has several unifying themes that tie it together as a single, coherent field. For instance, all organisms are made up of cells that process hereditary i ...
, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests
parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring.
A husband who is aware of and tolerates his wife's infidelity is sometimes called a wittol or wittold.
History of the term
![Order-cuckoldry-ca1815-French-satire](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0b/Order-cuckoldry-ca1815-French-satire.jpg)
The word ''cuckold'' derives from the
cuckoo
Cuckoos are birds in the Cuculidae family, the sole taxon in the order Cuculiformes . The cuckoo family includes the common or European cuckoo, roadrunners, koels, malkohas, couas, coucals and anis. The coucals and anis are sometimes separ ...
bird, alluding to its habit of laying its eggs in other birds' nests.
The association is common in medieval
folklore
Folklore is shared by a particular group of people; it encompasses the traditions common to that culture, subculture or group. This includes oral traditions such as tales, legends, proverbs and jokes. They include material culture, ranging ...
, literature, and
iconography
Iconography, as a branch of art history, studies the identification, description and interpretation of the content of images: the subjects depicted, the particular compositions and details used to do so, and other elements that are distinct fro ...
.
English usage first appears about 1250 in the
medieval debate poem ''
The Owl and the Nightingale
''The Owl and the Nightingale'' ( la, Altercatio inter filomenam et bubonem) is a twelfth- or thirteenth-century Middle English poem detailing a debate between an owl and a nightingale as overheard by the poem's narrator. It is the earliest exa ...
''. It was characterized as an overtly blunt term in
John Lydgate
John Lydgate of Bury (c. 1370 – c. 1451) was an English monk and poet, born in Lidgate, near Haverhill, Suffolk, England.
Lydgate's poetic output is prodigious, amounting, at a conservative count, to about 145,000 lines. He explored and est ...
's "Fall of Princes", .
Shakespeare's writing often referred to cuckolds, with several of his characters suspecting they had become one.
The word often implies that the husband is deceived; that he is unaware of his wife's unfaithfulness and may not know until the arrival or growth of a child plainly not his (as with cuckoo birds).
The female equivalent ''
cuckquean
A cuckquean is the wife of an adulterous husband (or partner for unmarried companions), and the gender-opposite of a cuckold. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to females who are investing parental effort in offspring that are n ...
'' first appears in English literature in 1562, adding a female suffix to the ''cuck''.
A related word, first appearing in 1520, is ''wittol'', which substitutes ''wit'' (in the sense of knowing) for the first part of the word, referring to a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's
infidelity
Infidelity (synonyms include cheating, straying, adultery, being unfaithful, two-timing, or having an affair) is a violation of a couple's emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and riva ...
.
The term 'cuckold' is now increasingly used by gay couples to refer to the gay man whose partner or husband has engaged in sexual activity with another man or woman. Chastity devices such as lockable penis cages may be applied by the partner to the cuckold who has proved unfaithful and these are often called 'cuckold devices'.
''Cuck''
An
abbreviation
An abbreviation (from Latin ''brevis'', meaning ''short'') is a shortened form of a word or phrase, by any method. It may consist of a group of letters or words taken from the full version of the word or phrase; for example, the word ''abbrevia ...
of ''cuckold'', the term ''cuck'' has been used by the
alt-right
The alt-right, an abbreviation of alternative right, is a far-right, white nationalist movement. A largely online phenomenon, the alt-right originated in the United States during the late 2000s before increasing in popularity during the mid-2 ...
to attack the
masculinity
Masculinity (also called manhood or manliness) is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with men and boys. Masculinity can be theoretically understood as socially constructed, and there is also evidence that some behaviors con ...
of an opponent. It was originally aimed at other
conservatives
Conservatism is a cultural, social, and political philosophy that seeks to promote and to preserve traditional institutions, practices, and values. The central tenets of conservatism may vary in relation to the culture and civilization in ...
.
Metaphor and symbolism
![A flag used in the English Civil War referring to the Earl of Essex's notorious marital problems](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d6/A_flag_used_in_the_English_Civil_War_referring_to_the_Earl_of_Essex%27s_notorious_marital_problems.jpg)
In Western traditions, cuckolds have sometimes been described as "wearing the horns of a cuckold" or just "wearing the horns". This is an allusion to the
mating habits of stags, who forfeit their mates when they are defeated by another male.
In
Italy
Italy ( it, Italia ), officially the Italian Republic, ) or the Republic of Italy, is a country in Southern Europe. It is located in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, and its territory largely coincides with the homonymous geographical re ...
(especially in
Southern Italy
Southern Italy ( it, Sud Italia or ) also known as ''Meridione'' or ''Mezzogiorno'' (), is a macroregion of the Italian Republic consisting of its southern half.
The term ''Mezzogiorno'' today refers to regions that are associated with the peop ...
, where it is a major personal offence), the insult "" is often accompanied by the
sign of the horns
The sign of the horns is a hand gesture with a variety of meanings and uses in various cultures. It is formed by extending the index and little fingers while holding the middle and ring fingers down with the thumb.
Religious and supersti ...
. In
French, the term is "". In German, the term is "", or "", the husband is "".
In Brazil and Portugal, the term used is "", meaning exactly "horned". The term is quite offensive, especially for men, and are a common subject of jokes and anecdotes.
Rabelais's ''Tiers Livers'' of
Gargantua and Pantagruel
''The Life of Gargantua and of Pantagruel'' (french: La vie de Gargantua et de Pantagruel) is a pentalogy of novels written in the 16th century by François Rabelais, telling the adventures of two giants, Gargantua ( , ) and his son Pantagruel ...
(1546) portrays a horned fool as a cuckold. In
Molière
Jean-Baptiste Poquelin (, ; 15 January 1622 (baptised) – 17 February 1673), known by his stage name Molière (, , ), was a French playwright, actor, and poet, widely regarded as one of the greatest writers in the French language and world ...
's ''
L'École des femmes
''The School for Wives'' (french: L'école des femmes; ) is a theatrical comedy written by the seventeenth century French playwright Molière and considered by some critics to be one of his finest achievements. It was first staged at the Palai ...
'' (1662), a man named Arnolphe (see below) who mocks cuckolds with the image of the horned buck (''becque cornu'') becomes one at the end.
In
Chinese
Chinese can refer to:
* Something related to China
* Chinese people, people of Chinese nationality, citizenship, and/or ethnicity
**''Zhonghua minzu'', the supra-ethnic concept of the Chinese nation
** List of ethnic groups in China, people of ...
usage, the cuckold (or wittol) is said to be "" , translated into English as 'wearing the green hat'. The term is an allusion to the
sumptuary law
Sumptuary laws (from Latin ''sūmptuāriae lēgēs'') are laws that try to regulate consumption. '' Black's Law Dictionary'' defines them as "Laws made for the purpose of restraining luxury or extravagance, particularly against inordinate expendi ...
s used from the 13th to the 18th centuries that required males in households with prostitutes to wrap their heads in a green scarf (or later a hat).
Associations
A saint Arnoul(t), Arnolphe, or Ernoul, possibly
Arnold of Soissons
Arnold (Arnoul) of Soissons or Arnold or Arnulf of Oudenburg (c. 1040–1087) is a saint of the Catholic Church, the patron saint of hop-pickers, Belgian brewers.
Biography
Arnold, born in Brabant, the son of a certain Fulbertus was first a c ...
, is often cited as the
patron saint
A patron saint, patroness saint, patron hallow or heavenly protector is a saint who in Catholicism, Anglicanism, or Eastern Orthodoxy is regarded as the heavenly advocate of a nation, place, craft, activity, class, clan, family, or perso ...
of cuckolded husbands, hence the name of Molière's character Arnolphe.
The Greek hero
Actaeon
Actaeon (; grc, Ἀκταίων ''Aktaion''), in Greek mythology, son of the priestly herdsman Aristaeus and Autonoe in Boeotia, was a famous Theban hero. Like Achilles in a later generation, he was trained by the centaur Chiron.
He fell to ...
is often associated with cuckoldry, as when he is turned into a stag, he becomes "horned". This is alluded to in Shakespeare's ''
Merry Wives'',
Robert Burton
Robert Burton (8 February 1577 – 25 January 1640) was an English author and fellow of Oxford University, who wrote the encyclopedic tome ''The Anatomy of Melancholy''.
Born in 1577 to a comfortably well-off family of the landed gentry, Burt ...
's ''
Anatomy of Melancholy
''The Anatomy of Melancholy'' (full title: ''The Anatomy of Melancholy, What it is: With all the Kinds, Causes, Symptomes, Prognostickes, and Several Cures of it. In Three Maine Partitions with their several Sections, Members, and Subsections. Ph ...
'', and others.
Cross-cultural parallels
In Islamic cultures, the related term ''dayouth'' ( ar, دَيُّوث) can be used to describe person who is viewed as apathetic or permissive with regards to
unchaste
Chastity, also known as purity, is a virtue related to temperance. Someone who is ''chaste'' refrains either from sexual activity considered immoral or any sexual activity, according to their state of life. In some contexts, for example when mak ...
behaviour by female relatives or a spouse, or who lacks the demeanor (''
ghayrah
Ghayrah ( ar, غَيْرَة) (sometimes transliterated as ghayra, ghira, gheerah or gheera) is an Arabic word which means a person's dislike of another's sharing in a right (which belongs to the former). It has a sense of earnest concern or zeal o ...
'') of paternalistic protectiveness. Variations on the spelling include ''dayyuth'', ''dayuuth'', or ''dayoos.'' The term has been criticised for its use as a
pejorative
A pejorative or slur is a word or grammatical form expressing a negative or a disrespectful connotation, a low opinion, or a lack of respect toward someone or something. It is also used to express criticism, hostility, or disregard. Sometimes, a ...
while also suggestive of acceptance of vain
paternalistic
Paternalism is action that limits a person's or group's liberty or autonomy and is intended to promote their own good. Paternalism can also imply that the behavior is against or regardless of the will of a person, or also that the behavior expres ...
gender roles, stigmatization of
sexuality
Human sexuality is the way people experience and express themselves sexually. This involves biological, psychological, physical, erotic, emotional, social, or spiritual feelings and behaviors. Because it is a broad term, which has varied ...
or overprotective
intrusive sexual gatekeeping.
Cuckoldry as a fetish
Unlike the traditional definition of the term, in
fetish usage a cuckold (also known as "cuckolding fetish") is complicit in their partner's sexual "infidelity"; the wife who enjoys "cuckolding" her husband is called a "cuckoldress" if the man is more submissive.
The dominant man engaging with the cuckold's partner is called a "bull".
If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where being cuckolded in reality does not damage the relationship, they may try it out in reality. This, like other sexual acts, can improve the sexual relationship between partners. However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated, or the "cuckold": the cuckold convinces his lover to participate in the fantasy for them, though other "cuckolds" may prefer their lover to initiate the situation instead. The fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is being humiliated against their will.
Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of
masochism
Sadomasochism ( ) is the giving and receiving of pleasure from acts involving the receipt or infliction of pain or humiliation. Practitioners of sadomasochism may seek sexual pleasure from their acts. While the terms sadist and masochist refer ...
, the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated. In his book ''Masochism and the Self,'' psychologist
Roy Baumeister
Roy F. Baumeister (; born May 16, 1953) is an American social psychologist who is known for his work on the self, social rejection, belongingness, sexuality and sex differences, self-control, self-esteem, self-defeating behaviors, motivation, a ...
advanced a ''Self Theory'' analysis that cuckolding (or specifically, all masochism) was a form of escaping from self-awareness, at times when self-awareness becomes burdensome, such as with perceived inadequacy. According to this theory, the physical or mental pain from masochism brings attention away from the self, which would be desirable in times of "guilt, anxiety, or insecurity", or at other times when self-awareness is unpleasant.
See also
*
Beta male
''Alpha male'' and ''beta male'', or simply put ''alpha'' and ''beta'', are pseudoscientific terms for men derived from the designation for alpha and beta animals in ethology. They may also be used with other genders, such as women, or additio ...
*
Candaulism
Candaulism, or candaulesism, is a paraphilic sexual practice or fantasy in which one person exposes their partner, or images of their partner, to other people for their voyeuristic pleasure. Candaulism is also associated with voyeurism and exhib ...
*
Crime of passion
A crime of passion (French: ''crime passionnel''), in popular usage, refers to a violent crime, especially homicide, in which the perpetrator commits the act against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as anger rather than as a premed ...
*
Cuckoldry in fish
Spawn is the eggs and sperm released or deposited into water by aquatic animals. As a verb, ''to spawn'' refers to the process of releasing the eggs and sperm, and the act of both sexes is called spawning. Most aquatic animals, except for aquat ...
*
Cuckquean
A cuckquean is the wife of an adulterous husband (or partner for unmarried companions), and the gender-opposite of a cuckold. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to females who are investing parental effort in offspring that are n ...
*
Erotic humiliation
Erotic humiliation is consensual psychological humiliation performed in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal. This can be for either the person(s) being humiliated and demeaned or the person(s) humiliating, or both. It is some ...
*
Female dominance
A dominatrix (; ) or femdom is a woman who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities. A dominatrix can be of any sexual orientation, but this does not necessarily limit the genders of her submissive partners. Dominatrices are known for inflic ...
*
Female promiscuity
Promiscuity tends to be frowned upon by many societies that expect most members to have committed, long-term relationships.
Among women, as well as men, inclination for sex outside committed relationships is correlated with a high libido, but ev ...
*
Feminization (activity)
Feminization or feminisation (see spelling differences), sometimes forced feminization (shortened to forcefem or forced femme), and also known as sissification, is a practice in dominance and submission or kink subcultures, involving reversal of ...
*
Human sperm competition
Sperm competition is a form of post-copulatory sexual selection whereby male ejaculates simultaneously physically compete to fertilize a single ovum. Sperm competition occurs between sperm from two or more rival males when they make an attempt to f ...
*
Monogamish
Savage Love is a syndicated sex-advice column by Dan Savage. The column appears weekly in several dozen newspapers, mainly free newspapers in the US and Canada, but also newspapers in Europe and Asia. It started in 1991 with the first issue of t ...
*
Non-paternity event
In genetics, a non-paternity event (also known as misattributed paternity, not parent expected, or NPE) is the situation in which someone who is presumed to be an individual's father is not in fact the biological father. This presumption of NPE is ...
*
Open marriage
Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relatio ...
*
Paternity fraud
Paternity fraud, also known as misattributed paternity or paternal discrepancy, occurs when a man is incorrectly identified as the biological father of a child. The underlying assumption of "paternity fraud" is that the mother deliberately miside ...
*
Polyamory
Polyamory () is the practice of, or desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved. People who identify as polyamorous may believe in open relationships wit ...
*
Polyandry
Polyandry (; ) is a form of polygamy in which a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time. Polyandry is contrasted with polygyny, involving one male and two or more females. If a marriage involves a plural number of "husbands and wives" ...
, marriage to multiple husbands
*
Pregnancy fetishism Pregnancy fetishism (also known as maiesiophilia or maieusophoria) is a context where pregnancy is seen by individuals or cultures as an erotic phenomenon. It may involve sexual attraction to women who are pregnant or appear pregnant, attraction to ...
*
Swinging
References
External links
*
*
*
{{Authority control
Marriage
Sexual fidelity
Sexual fetishism
BDSM terminology