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Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage. Courtship traditionally may begin after a
betrothal
An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself (which is typically but not always commenced with a wedding). During this period, a couple is said to be ''fi ...
and may conclude with the celebration of
marriage
Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between ...
.
A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal
arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a
marriage proposal
A marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship asks for the other's hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement, a mutual promise of later marriage. It often has a ritual quality.
Traditional prop ...
.
Duration
![Eastman Johnson - Southern Courtship - Google Art Project](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3f/Eastman_Johnson_-_Southern_Courtship_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg)
The average duration of courtship varies considerably throughout the world. Furthermore, there is vast individual variation between couples. Courtship may be completely omitted, as in cases of some
arranged marriage
Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are primarily selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures a professional matchmaker may be us ...
s where the couple do not meet before the wedding.
In the
United Kingdom
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, commonly known as the United Kingdom (UK) or Britain, is a country in Europe, off the north-western coast of the continental mainland. It comprises England, Scotland, Wales and North ...
, a poll of 3,000
[ Average man proposes after three years]
, ''Marie Claire'', 18 February 2008. engaged or married couples resulted in an average duration between first meeting and accepted
proposal of marriage
A marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship asks for the other's hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement, a mutual promise of later marriage. It often has a ritual quality.
Traditional propo ...
of 2 years and 11 months,
[Average man takes 3 years to propose]
, ''Metrosexual'', Sunday, 17 February 2008. with the women feeling ready to accept at an average of 2 years and 7 months.[ Regarding duration between proposal and wedding, the UK poll above gave an average of 2 years and 3 months.][
]
Traditions
The date is fairly casual in most European-influenced cultures, but in some traditional societies, courtship is a highly structured activity with very specific formal rules.
In some societies, the parents or community propose potential partners and then allow limited dating to determine whether the parties are suited. In Japan
Japan ( ja, 日本, or , and formally , ''Nihonkoku'') is an island country in East Asia. It is situated in the northwest Pacific Ocean, and is bordered on the west by the Sea of Japan, while extending from the Sea of Okhotsk in the north ...
, there is such a type of courtship called Omiai
, or as it is properly known in Japan with the honorific prefix , is a Japanese traditional custom which relates closely to Western matchmaking, in which a woman and a man are introduced to each other to consider the possibility of marriage. T ...
, with similar practices called "Xiangqin" () in the Greater China Area. Parents will hire a matchmaker to provide pictures and résumé
A résumé, sometimes spelled resume (or alternatively resumé), also called a curriculum vitae (CV), is a document created and used by a person to present their background, skills, and accomplishments. Résumés can be used for a variety of re ...
s of potential mates, and if the couple agrees, there will be a formal meeting with the matchmaker and often parents in attendance. The matchmaker and parents will often exert pressure on the couple to decide whether they want to marry after a few dates.
Courtship in the Philippines
Traditional courtship in the Philippines is described as a "far more subdued and indirect"
asiandatingzone.com a ...
is one complex form of courtship. Unlike other societies, it takes a far more subdued and indirect approach. Its complexity involves stages, and it is considered normal for courtship to last a year or longer. It is common to see a man showing off by sending love letters and love poems, singing romantic songs, and buying gifts for a woman. The parents are also seen as part of the courtship practice, as their approval is commonly needed before courtship may begin or before the woman gives the man an answer to his advances.
In more closed societies, courtship is virtually eliminated by the practice of arranged marriages in which partners are chosen for young people, typically by their parents. Forbidding experimental and serial courtship and sanctioning only arranged matches is partly a means of guarding the chastity of young people and partly a matter of furthering family interests, which, in such cultures, may be considered more important than individual romantic preferences.
Throughout history, courtship has often included traditions such as exchanging valentines
Valentine's Day, also called Saint Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Christian feast day honoring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and, thro ...
, written correspondence (facilitated by the creation of the postal service in the nineteenth century), and similar communication-based courting. Over recent decades, though, the concept of arranged marriage has changed or simply been mixed with other forms of dating, including Eastern and Indian ones. Potential couples have the opportunity to meet and date each other before deciding whether to continue the relationship.
Modern people
In the early 1800s, young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding a marriage partner, rather than for social reasons. In more traditional forms of Christianity, this concept of courtship has been retained, with the period of courtship beginning after the Rite of Betrothal and concluding with the celebration of marriage
Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between ...
. Christian theologian John Piper distinguished courtship from dating, teaching that:
Christian minister
In Christianity, a minister is a person authorised by a church or other religious organization to perform functions such as teaching of beliefs; leading services such as weddings, baptisms or funerals; or otherwise providing spiritual guidanc ...
Patricia Bootsma delineates this distinction, writing that in contrast to the modern conception of dating, in "courtship, time together in groups with family or friends is encouraged, and there is oversight by and accountability to parents or mentors". She further states that with courtship, "commitment happens before intimacy".
In America, in the 1820s, the phrase "date" was most closely associated with prostitution. However, by the Jazz Age of the 1920s, dating for fun was becoming a cultural expectation, and by the 1930s, it was assumed that any popular young person would have many dates. This form of dating was usually conducted in public places, before pre-marital sex
Premarital sex is sexual activity which is practiced by people before they are married. Premarital sex is considered a sin by a number of religions and also considered a moral issue which is taboo in many cultures. Since the Sexual Revolution ...
became more socially acceptable after the sexual revolution
The sexual revolution, also known as the sexual liberation, was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the United States and the developed world from the 1 ...
in the 1960s.
Courtship in social theory
Courtship is used by a number of theorists to explain gendering processes and sexual identity. Scientific research into courtship began in the 1980s, after which time academic researchers started to generate theories about modern dating practices and norms. Researchers have found that, contrary to popular beliefs, courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women, driven mainly by non-verbal behaviours, to which men respond. One of the functions of romantic love is courtship.
This is generally supported by other theorists who specialise in the study of body language. There are some feminist scholars, however, who regard courtship as a socially constructed (and male-led) process organised to subjugate women. Farrell reports, for example, that magazines about marriage and romantic fiction continue to attract a 98% female readership. Systematic research into courtship processes inside the workplace as well two ten-year studies examining norms in different international settings continue to support a view that courtship is a social process that socialises ''both'' sexes into accepting forms of relationship that maximise the chances of successfully raising children.
Commercial dating services
As technology progressed the dating world progressed as well. In a Time-line by Metro, a statistic match-making business opened in 1941, the first reality TV dating show was developed in 1965, and by the 1980s the public was introduced to video dating. Video dating was a way for singles to sit in front of a camera and tell whomever may be watching something about themselves. The process of elimination
Process of elimination is a logical method to identify an entity of interest among several ones by excluding all other entities. In educational testing, it is a process of deleting options whereby the possibility of an option being correct is clos ...
was significant because now the viewer was able hear their voice, see their face and watch their body language to determine a physical attraction
Physical attractiveness is the degree to which a person's physical features are considered aesthetically pleasing or beautiful. The term often implies sexual attractiveness or desirability, but can also be distinct from either. There are many ...
to the candidates.
In online dating
Online dating, also known as Internet dating, Virtual dating, or Mobile app dating, is a relatively recent method used by people with a goal of searching for and interacting with potential romantic or sexual partners, via the internet. An onlin ...
, individuals create profiles where they disclose personal information, photographs, hobbies, interests, religion and expectations. Then the user can search through hundreds of thousands of accounts and connect with multiple people at once which in return, gives the user more options and more opportunity to find what meets their standards. Online dating has influenced the idea of choice
A choice is the range of different things from which a being can choose. The arrival at a choice may incorporate motivators and models. For example, a traveler might choose a route for a journey based on the preference of arriving at a giv ...
. In '' Modern Romance: An Investigation'', Aziz Ansari
Aziz Ismail Ansari (; born February 23, 1983) is an American actor and stand-up comedian. He is known for his role as Tom Haverford on the NBC series ''Parks and Recreation'' (2009–2015) and as creator and star of the Netflix series ''Master ...
states that one third of marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 met through online dating services. Today there are hundreds of sites to choose from and websites designed to fit specific needs such as Match
A match is a tool for starting a fire. Typically, matches are made of small wooden sticks or stiff paper. One end is coated with a material that can be ignited by friction generated by striking the match against a suitable surface. Wooden matc ...
, eHarmony
Eharmony (styled eHarmony) is an online dating website launched in 2000. eHarmony is based in Los Angeles, California, and owned by Nucom ecommerce, a joint venture of German mass media company ProSiebenSat.1 Media and American private equity ...
, OkCupid
OkCupid (often abbreviated as OKC, but officially OkC) is a U.S.-based, internationally operating online dating, friendship, and formerly also a social networking website and application. It features multiple-choice questions to match members. ...
, Zoosk
Zoosk is an online dating service available in 25 languages and in more than 80 countries. The founders of the company are Shayan Zadeh and Alex Mehr, who ran the company until December 2014. After struggles that year, Kelly Steckelberg became ...
, and ChristianMingle
Christian Mingle is an online dating service that caters to Christian singles. The service is one of a number of demographically focused online match-making websites operated by Spark Networks.
Because of the focus on relationships between Chri ...
. Mobile apps, such as Grindr
Grindr () is a location-based social networking and online dating application targeted towards members of the gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer community.
It was one of the first geosocial apps for gay men when it launched in March 2009 an ...
and Tinder
Tinder is easily combustible material used to start a fire. Tinder is a finely divided, open material which will begin to glow under a shower of sparks. Air is gently wafted over the glowing tinder until it bursts into flame. The flaming tinder i ...
allow users to upload profiles that are then judged by others on the service; one can either swipe right on a profile (indicating interest) or swipe left (which presents another possible mate).
In animals
Many animal species have mate-selection rituals also referred to as "courtship" anthropomorphic
Anthropomorphism is the attribution of human traits, emotions, or intentions to non-human entities. It is considered to be an innate tendency of human psychology.
Personification is the related attribution of human form and characteristics t ...
ally. Animal courtship may involve complicated dances or touching, vocalizations, or displays of beauty or fighting prowess. Most animal courtship occurs out of sight of humans and so it is often the least documented of animal behaviors. One animal whose courtship rituals are well studied is the bower bird
Bowerbirds () make up the bird family Ptilonorhynchidae. They are renowned for their unique courtship behaviour, where males build a structure and decorate it with sticks and brightly coloured objects in an attempt to attract a mate.
The family ...
, whose male builds a "bower" of collected objects.
From the scientific point of view, courtship in the animal kingdom is the process in which the different species select their partners for reproduction purposes. Generally speaking, the male initiates the courtship, and the female chooses to either mate or reject the male based on his "performance".
Sea turtles
All animals have different courtship rituals that reflect fitness, compatibility with others and ability to provide. Sea turtles court during a limited receptive time. During the courtship males will either nuzzle the females head to show affection or by gently biting the back of her neck. This may go on for long periods of time, depending on whether the female responds to the male. If the female does respond, by not fleeing, the male will attach himself onto the back of the female's shell using his front flippers. He will stretch his long tail under the back of the females shell to begin copulation.
Courting can be competitive among males. The male that has better endurance will win the female. To a female, endurance is a great trait to be passed on to their offspring; the higher the endurance in the male, the higher the endurance will be in her offspring and the more likely they will be to survive. Female leatherback sea turtle
The leatherback sea turtle (''Dermochelys coriacea''), sometimes called the lute turtle or leathery turtle or simply the luth, is the largest of all living turtles and the heaviest non-crocodilian reptile, reaching lengths of up to and weights ...
s will also choose many different males to copulate with in order to diversify their offspring, since it is known that leatherback sea turtles have female-biased offspring.
Hippopotamus
Despite being aggressive animals, the female hippopotamus
The hippopotamus ( ; : hippopotamuses or hippopotami; ''Hippopotamus amphibius''), also called the hippo, common hippopotamus, or river hippopotamus, is a large semiaquatic mammal native to sub-Saharan Africa. It is one of only two extan ...
is very nurturing and sensitive when caring for offspring. Mating and birth both occur in the water for hippopotamus. This is because it gives them privacy when conceiving and helps conserve energy during birth. The female hippo normally averages around 5–6 years, while males are average an age of 7–8. During mating season the male hippopotamus will find a mate out of the herd, showing interest by smelling the female's posterior end. As long as the male acts submissive during courting season, the adults in the herd will not interfere. Once the male finds the female he wants to mate with, he begins provoking the female. He then will push the female into the water and mount her. In order to alert the herd or other animals that may be lurking around, the male will let a loud wheezing sound. Preceding birth, the female exhibits aggressive behavior, leaving the herd until after the birth of the calf. Although hippopotamuses can mate anytime of the year, the mating season ranges from February to August. Because the energy cost is high, the female generally only has one offspring in a two-years span.
Honeybees
The courtship behaviour of honey bees follows through two distinct types: ''apiary vicinity mating'' and ''drone assembly mating''. Apiary vicinity mating usually takes place in cool weather and is more local to the apiary from which the queen resides. The drones are in the same apiary too, but this doesn't not mean that it will lead to inbreeding. Drones assemble in a bulb of warm air close or far from the apiary. They are alert when the queen has flown out of the hive and will follow her route. This is followed by a sort of fast hum or buzz in the general bee population that follows an upward temperature gradient. The male drone mounts on the virgin queen and inserts his endophallus, ejaculating semen. The male honey bee will then pull away from the queen, but his endophallus will be ripped from his body and remain attached to the newly fertilized queen. The next male honey bee will remove the endophallus that was previously left by the other male honey bee and will eventually ejaculate and lose his own. The frequency of mating for the male honey bees is 7 to 10 times during a mating flight. Most of the drones die quickly immediately after mating, and their abdomen rips open since the endophallus has been removed. The few that survive are usually ejected from their nests, as they have served their sole purpose by mating.
They only attend one mating flight, and the queen stores up to 100 million sperm within her oviducts during this flight, but only 5–6 million are stored in the spermatheca of the queen. Only a few of this sperm are used by the queen at a time to fertilize the eggs throughout her life. New queen generations will mate and produce their colonies if the queen runs out of sperm in her lifetime. The sex of the offspring is controlled by the honey bee queens, as the eggs passing through the oviduct can be determined whether they are fertilized or not by the queen. Research has indicated that eggs that are fertilized develop into female workers and queens, while the unfertilized eggs become drone honey bees. Female workers can lay infertile eggs but do not mate. The infertile eggs become male honey bees. The eggs of the queen are laid in oval-shaped structural cells that usually stick to the nest ceiling. Royal jelly
Royal jelly is a honey bee secretion that is used in the nutrition of larvae and adult queens. It is secreted from the glands in the hypopharynx of nurse bees, and fed to all larvae in the colony, regardless of sex or caste.Graham, J. (ed.) (19 ...
is then filled with these cells to prevent larvae from falling. Soon-to-be workers are fed royal jelly during the first two days. The future queens are given royal jelly throughout the entire larval period. Each member colony development depends on caste. For proper growth from eggs to adult, the male honey bees need 24 days, 21 for workers and only 16 for the queens.
Insect species
Certain insect species also display courtship behavior in order to attract mates. For example, the species ''Ceratitis capitata
''Ceratitis capitata'', commonly known as the Mediterranean fruit fly or medfly, is a yellow-and-brown fly native to sub-Saharan Africa. It has no near relatives in the Western Hemisphere and is considered to be one of the most destructive frui ...
'' (also known as the medfly) exhibits these behaviors. During the courtship phase, signals are exchanged between males and females to display willingness for mating. The male begins with a series of head movements, then after 1–2 seconds of movement, also begins to fan its wings and moves closer to the female. Once the male is close enough to the female, the male will leap onto the female's back and begin copulation. Another example is seen in the spider species ''Maratus volans
''Maratus volans'' is a species in the jumping spider family (Salticidae), belonging to the genus '' Maratus'' (peacock spiders). These spiders are native to certain areas in Australia and occupy a wide distribution of habitats. They have a spec ...
'', where the male will perform an elaborate fan dance. The male will open his colorful fan and begin to vibrate in order to draw the attention of the female spider. The male will begin to move closer and closer to the female until copulation.
Allobates femoralis
''Allobates femoralis
''Allobates femoralis'' (common name brilliant-thighed poison frog, brilliant-thighed poison-arrow frog) is a species of frog in the family Aromobatidae.
It is found in Bolivia, Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, French Guiana, Guyana, Peru, and Suriname ...
'' displays courtship behavior through “courtship march,” in which the male begins the courtship and leads the female to the oviposition site. Its behavior also includes visual components, such as throat display, limb lifting, circling, and leg stretching. Among poison frogs, ''Allobates femoralis
''Allobates femoralis'' (common name brilliant-thighed poison frog, brilliant-thighed poison-arrow frog) is a species of frog in the family Aromobatidae.
It is found in Bolivia, Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, French Guiana, Guyana, Peru, and Suriname ...
''’s courtship duration is the longest. Although females rarely reject males nor evaluate the male’s fitness during courtship, they occasionally demand an extended duration of courtship. And while females to not show aggression during courtship, males can interact aggressively with other males in the purpose of territorial defense and competition for female.
See also
* Arranged marriage
Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are primarily selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures a professional matchmaker may be us ...
* Bekisa
Bekisa is a Zulu custom whereby a man asks a young girl not yet physically matured enough for marriage (considered to be roughly 16) to wait for him so they can be married when she has reached this age. The girl is not required to honour the requ ...
* Courtship disorder Courtship disorder is a theoretical construct in sexology developed by Kurt Freund in which a certain set of paraphilias are seen as specific instances of anomalous courtship instincts in humans. The specific paraphilias are biastophilia (paraphilic ...
* Haptic communication
Haptic communication is a branch of nonverbal communication that refers to the ways in which people and animals communicate and interact via the sense of touch. Touch is the most sophisticated and intimate of the five senses. Touch or haptics, f ...
* Human mating strategies
In evolutionary psychology and behavioral ecology, human mating strategies are a set of behaviors used by individuals to select, attract, and retain mates. Mating strategies overlap with reproductive strategies, which encompass a broader set of ...
* Hypergamy
Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves.
The antonym "hypogamy" refers to the inverse: marryin ...
* Love letter
A love letter is an expression of love in written form. However delivered, the letter may be anything from a short and simple message of love to a lengthy explanation and description of feelings.
History
One of the oldest references to a lo ...
* Flash marriage
References
Further reading
*
External links
*
*
*
* Stevenson-Hamilton, J (1912) ''Animal Life in Africa''. New York: E. P. Dutton and Company.
*
* Mason, k. 2013
"Hippopotamus amphibius"
Animal Diversity Web. Accessed 8 December 2015.
*
* Sandigeo Zoo library (2001). Hippopotamus, Hippopotamus amphibious, & Pygmy Hippopotamus, Cheoropsis liberiensis. Revised 2011
8 December 2015.
* Fletscher, D. J. C.; Tribe, G. D. Natural emergency queen rearing by ''apis mellifera adansonii'' ii. In ''African Bees: Taxonomy, Biology and Economic Use''; Fletscher, D. J. C., Ed.; Apimondia: Pretoria, South Africa, 1977; pp. 132–140.
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{{Authority control
Dating
Philosophy of love
Social constructionism