Counterdependency is the state of refusal of attachment, the denial of personal need and dependency, and may extend to the

omnipotence Omnipotence is the quality of having unlimited power. Monotheistic religions generally attribute omnipotence only to the deity of their faith. In the monotheistic religious philosophy of Abrahamic religions, omnipotence is often listed as one ...

and refusal of dialogue found in destructive

narcissism Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance or image and an excessive preoccupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others. Narcissism exists on a co ...

, for example.

Developmental origins

The roots of counterdependency can be found in the age-appropriate negativism of two-year-olds and teens, where it serves the temporary purpose of distancing one from the parental figure As

Selma Fraiberg Selma Fraiberg (1918–1981) was an American child psychoanalyst, author and social worker. She studied infants with congenital blindness in the 1970s. She found that blind babies had three problems to overcome: learning to recognize parents fr ...

put it, the two-year-old "says 'no' with splendid authority to almost any question addressed to him...as if he establishes his independence, his separateness from his mother, by being opposite". Where the mother has difficulty accepting the child's need for active distancing, the child may remain stuck in the counterdependent phase of development because of developmental trauma. In similar fashion, the teenager needs to be able to establish the fact of their separate mind to their parents, even if only through a sustained state of cold rejection; and again unresolved adolescent issues can lead to a mechanical counterdependence and unruly assertiveness in later life.

Adult manifestations

The counterdependent personality has been described as being addicted to activity and suffering from

grandiosity In the field of psychology, the term grandiosity refers to an unrealistic sense of superiority, characterized by a sustained view of one's self as better than others, which is expressed by disdainfully criticising them (contempt), overinflating ...

, as acting strong and pushing others away. Out of a fear of being crowded, they avoid contact with others, something which can lead through emotional isolation to depression. The counterdependent male in particular may pride himself on being 'manly' – not needing affection, support or warmth, and being tough, independent and normal instead – something still reinforced by gender socialisation. Where a woman takes on the counterdependent position, it may take on the attributes of a

false self The true self (also known as real self, authentic self, original self and vulnerable self) and the false self (also known as fake self, idealized self, superficial self and pseudo self) are a psychological dualism conceptualized by English psychoa ...

or androcentric

persona A persona (plural personae or personas), depending on the context, is the public image of one's personality, the social role that one adopts, or simply a fictional character. The word derives from Latin, where it originally referred to a theatr ...

. The apparently independent behavior of the counterdependent can act as a powerful lure for the

co-dependent In sociology, codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achiev ...

– though once a couple has formed the two partners – codependent/counterdependent – are sometimes found to switch roles. In therapy, the counterdependent personality often wishes to flee treatment, as a defense against the possibility of regression. By keeping the therapist at arm's length, and avoiding reference to feelings as far as possible, they may attempt to control the therapist so as to preserve their sense of independence.

Existential views

Existential therapists distinguish between interdependency on the one hand, and, on the other, both dependency and an escapist form of rebellious counterdependence.

Transference

Counterdependency can present itself in a clinical situation in the form of a

negative transference Negative transference is the psychoanalytic term for the transference of negative and hostile feelings, rather than positive ones, onto a therapist (or other emotional object). Freud's preference In his pioneering studies of transference phenomena ...

. In George Kelly's personal construct theory, the term is used in another sense, to describe the therapist's transference of dependency onto the client: counterdependent transference.G. Kelly, ''The Psychology of Personal Constructs: Vol II'' (2003) p. 81-2 and p. 440

References

{{Narcissism Narcissism Interpersonal relationships Personal development

Developmental origins

Adult manifestations

Existential views

Transference

See also

References