''Carpe Jugulum'' (; Latatian for "seize the throat", cf. ''

Carpe diem is a Latin aphorism, usually translated "seize the day", taken from book 1 of the Roman poet Horace's work ''Odes'' (23 BC). Translation is the second-person singular present active imperative of '' carpō'' "pick or pluck" used by Horace t ...

'') is a

comic fantasy Fantasy comedy or comic fantasy is a subgenre of fantasy that is primarily humorous in intent and tone. Typically set in imaginary worlds, fantasy comedy often involves puns on and parodies of other works of fantasy. Literature The subgenre rose ...

novel by English writer

Terry Pratchett Sir Terence David John Pratchett (28 April 1948 – 12 March 2015) was an English humourist, satirist, and author of fantasy novels, especially comical works. He is best known for his ''Discworld'' series of 41 novels. Pratchett's first nov ...

, the twenty-third in the ''

Discworld ''Discworld'' is a comic fantasy"Humorous Fantasy" in David Pringle, ed., ''The Ultimate Encyclopedia of Fantasy'' (pp.31-33). London, Carlton,2006. book series written by the English author Terry Pratchett, set on the Discworld, a flat pla ...

'' series. It was first published in 1998. In ''Carpe Jugulum'', Terry Pratchett

pastiche A pastiche is a work of visual art, literature, theatre, music, or architecture that imitates the style or character of the work of one or more other artists. Unlike parody, pastiche pays homage to the work it imitates, rather than mocking it ...

s the traditions of

vampire A vampire is a mythical creature that subsists by feeding on the Vitalism, vital essence (generally in the form of blood) of the living. In European folklore, vampires are undead, undead creatures that often visited loved ones and caused mi ...

literature, playing with the mythic archetypes and featuring a tongue-in-cheek reversal of 'vampyre' subculture with young vampires who wear bright clothes, drink wine, and stay up until noon.

Plot summary

Count Magpyr and family, vampires from Überwald, are invited to the naming of

Magrat A major subset of the ''Discworld'' novels of Terry Pratchett involves the witches of Lancre. The three main witches introduced in 1988's ''Wyrd Sisters'' — crone Esme Weatherwax, mother Nanny Ogg and maiden Magrat Garlick — are a spoof on t ...

and King Verence's daughter, to be conducted by the Omnian priest, the Quite Reverend Mightily-Praiseworthy-Are-Ye-Who-Exalteth-Om 'Mightily' Oats, a recent graduate from theological college. During the party after the ceremony, Verence tells

Nanny Ogg Gytha Ogg (usually called Nanny Ogg) is a character from Terry Pratchett's ''Discworld'' series. She is a witch and member of the Lancre coven. Personality The character of Nanny Ogg is based on the Mother stereotype of the Triple Goddess (N ...

and

Agnes Nitt A major subset of the ''Discworld'' novels of Terry Pratchett involves the witches of Lancre. The three main witches introduced in 1988's ''Wyrd Sisters'' — crone Esme Weatherwax, mother Nanny Ogg and maiden Magrat Garlick — are a spoof on th ...

that the Count has informed him that the Magpyr family intend to move into Lancre Castle and take over. Due to a type of

hypnotism Hypnosis is a human condition involving focused attention (the selective attention/selective inattention hypothesis, SASI), reduced peripheral awareness, and an enhanced capacity to respond to suggestion.In 2015, the American Psychologica ...

, everyone seems to consider this plan to be perfectly acceptable. Only the youngest witch, Agnes, and Mightily Oats seem able to resist the vampiric mind control, due to their being " in two minds about everything" (resulting from her Perdita persona, and his contemplation of the tenets of the myriad schismatic sects of Omnianism). Because of her ability to resist his influence, the Magpyr son, Vlad, is attracted to Agnes and makes many advances on her including trying to convince her to become a vampire. Meanwhile, the castle falconer Hodgesaargh goes out searching for a phoenix after discovering a phoenix feather. Meanwhile,

Granny Weatherwax Esmerelda "Esme" Weatherwax (also Granny Weatherwax or Mistress Weatherwax) is a fictional character from Terry Pratchett's ''Discworld'' series. She is a witch and member of the Lancre coven. She is the self-appointed guardian of her small cou ...

, feeling slighted by not receiving an invitation to the ceremony, has left her

cottage A cottage, during Feudalism in England, England's feudal period, was the holding by a cottager (known as a Cotter (farmer), cotter or ''bordar'') of a small house with enough garden to feed a family and in return for the cottage, the cottager ...

empty and seems to be working towards a life in a

cave A cave or cavern is a natural void in the ground, specifically a space large enough for a human to enter. Caves often form by the weathering of rock and often extend deep underground. The word ''cave'' can refer to smaller openings such as sea ...

, almost like a

hermit A hermit, also known as an eremite (adjectival form: hermitic or eremitic) or solitary, is a person who lives in seclusion. Eremitism plays a role in a variety of religions. Description In Christianity, the term was originally applied to a Ch ...

. After they have left the hypnotic influence of the Vampires, Agnes, Nanny Ogg and Magrat attempt to convince her to help them save Lancre, but apparently without success, even after Granny is informed that her gilt-edged invitation was stolen by a magpie. The three witches return to Lancre to take on the Count and his family without her, but because the Magpyr family have built up a tolerance for the normal methods of defeating a vampire, such as garlic, bright light, and religious symbols, this is not so easily done. Just when it seems all is lost,

comes through the front door, soaked to the bone and swaying with exhaustion. Nanny Ogg and Magrat use Granny's assault upon the Count as a distraction to escape, leaving Granny, Agnes and Brother Oats with the Vampires. Granny is unable to get through the Count's mental defences, and the Magpyrs feed on her, with the intention of transforming her into a vampire. Nanny attempts to organise resistance against the Magpyrs, rallying her extended family to form a mob, and promising the

Nac Mac Feegle The Nac Mac Feegle (also sometimes known as Pictsies, Wee Free Men, the Little Men and "Person or Persons Unknown, Believed to be Armed") are a fictional type of fairy folk that appear in Terry Pratchett's ''Discworld'' novels ''Carpe Jugulum'', ...

(a race of six-inch-high, blue-skinned militant fairy folk evicted from Überwald by the Magpyrs as an "outdated" race) an uninhabited island in exchange for an alliance against the Magpyrs. Igor, the servant of the Magpyrs, is hated by the Magpyrs for his traditionalist "more gothic than thou" attitude, as Igor tries to keep the "tradithionalitht" ways alive often against the wishes of the modern current Count Magpyr, including forcing spiders to spin cobwebs. Igor has a pet dog named Scraps, made from the parts of several dogs. Nanny Ogg, Magrat, and Magrat's infant daughter, Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre, escape with the help of the rebelling Igor (who appears to have a crush on Nanny), but are forced to detour to Überwald and end up in the Magpyrs' castle. Agnes is kidnapped by the Magpyrs' son and their clan, who give chase by flying. After being taken to the village of Escrow where the Magpyrs have established a means of feeding similar to tax-gathering, Agnes instigates a rebellion against the Vampires. Granny Weatherwax struggles against the vampirism inside her and thrusts the pain this causes into the iron of the castle forge's anvil. She is only able to defeat the vampirism after she looks inside herself and faces the darker side of her nature, but the struggle leaves her barely able to stand, let alone defeat the Count. Granny also surmises that there was a phoenix in the

mews A mews is a row or courtyard of stables and carriage houses with living quarters above them, built behind large city houses before motor vehicles replaced horses in the early twentieth century. Mews are usually located in desirable residential ...

the entire times Hodgesaargh was out searching for one, having taken the shape of a hawk (having hatched amongst them). While Magrat and her daughter hide in Igor's dungeon quarters, Nanny and Igor begin fighting against the Magpyrs, using the considerable stock of

Holy water Holy water is water that has been blessed by a member of the clergy or a religious figure, or derived from a well or spring considered holy. The use for cleansing prior to a baptism and spiritual cleansing is common in several religions, from ...

and other religious symbols that were originally collected by old Count Magpyr (who is described as having been "a sportsman"). Surprisingly (for the Magpyr family, at least), the old-fashioned ways to defeat vampires that they thought themselves protected against start to work again (with conditioning against religious symbols resulting in the recognition of such in any random pattern). They don't understand what the problem is, although they start to have bizarre cravings for "hot, sweet strong

tea Tea is an aromatic beverage prepared by pouring hot or boiling water over cured or fresh leaves of '' Camellia sinensis'', an evergreen shrub native to East Asia which probably originated in the borderlands of southwestern China and northe ...

and

biscuits A biscuit is a flour-based baked and shaped food product. In most countries biscuits are typically hard, flat, and unleavened. They are usually sweet and may be made with sugar, chocolate, icing, jam, ginger, or cinnamon. They can also b ...

", a combination that has them feeling quite upset (it not being their usual craving for

blood Blood is a body fluid in the circulatory system of humans and other vertebrates that delivers necessary substances such as nutrients and oxygen to the cells, and transports metabolic waste products away from those same cells. Blood in the c ...

). All is revealed when Granny (who has "helped" Mightily Oats to Überwald by being carried by him), tells them that — far from turning her into a Vampire — they have, instead, been 'Weatherwaxed'; she had magically "Borrowed" her own blood, which they drank, allowing her past their mental defences. The Magpyrs find themselves unable to harm Magrat's daughter, or do anything else that Granny herself is unable to do (e.g. fly). They are even more horrified when they find out that Igor has re-awakened the old Count Magpyr (having gone into his

crypt A crypt (from Latin ''crypta'' "vault") is a stone chamber beneath the floor of a church or other building. It typically contains coffins, sarcophagi, or religious relics. Originally, crypts were typically found below the main apse of a chur ...

and spilled a drop of blood on the old Count's

cremated Cremation is a method of final disposition of a dead body through burning. Cremation may serve as a funeral or post-funeral rite and as an alternative to burial. In some countries, including India and Nepal, cremation on an open-air pyre i ...

ashes), and that the people of Überwald would prefer the old Count to their new, modern type of vampirism. Oats gives the new Count a mortal wound across the neck with an axe (though for vampires, mortal wounds aren't necessarily the end), and the old Count is left to teach the two young Magpyrs (Lacrimosa and Vlad) the "old ways." The three vampires are last seen turning into a flock of magpies and disappearing into the darkness of the castle roof. The novel ends with Nanny organising her relatives to attend a sermon by Oats, as he plans to travel to Überwald continue his missionary work; before he leaves, King Verence presents him with an axe-shaped pendent (replacing his Omian turtle pendent which he lost earlier), and Agnes presents him with a poultice for his facial boil.

Characters

*Granny Weatherwax *Nanny Ogg *Agnes Nitt *Mightily Oats *Magrat Garlick *Verence II *Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre *Count de Magpyr *Bela de Magpyr *Vlad de Magpyr *Lacrimosa de Magpyr

References

External links

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Annotations for Carpe Jugulum
{{Authority control 1998 British novels Discworld books Vampire novels 1998 fantasy novels British comedy novels