A stepfamily is a family where at least one parent has children that are not biologically related to their spouse. Either parent, or both, may have children from previous relationships or marriages. Two known classifications for stepfamilies include "simple" stepfamilies, where only one member of the family's couple has a prior child or children and the couple does not have any children together, and "complex" or "blended" families, where both members of the couple have at least one pre-existing child.
Etymology
The earliest recorded use of the prefix ''step-'', in the form ''steop-'', is from an 8th-century
glossary
A glossary (from grc, γλῶσσα, ''glossa''; language, speech, wording) also known as a vocabulary or clavis, is an alphabetical list of Term (language), terms in a particular domain of knowledge with the definitions for those terms. Tradi ...
of
Latin
Latin (, or , ) is a classical language belonging to the Italic branch of the Indo-European languages. Latin was originally a dialect spoken in the lower Tiber area (then known as Latium) around present-day Rome, but through the power of the ...
-
Old English
Old English (, ), or Anglo-Saxon, is the earliest recorded form of the English language, spoken in England and southern and eastern Scotland in the early Middle Ages. It was brought to Great Britain by Anglo-Saxon settlement of Britain, Anglo ...
words meaning "
orphan
An orphan (from the el, ορφανός, orphanós) is a child whose parents have died.
In common usage, only a child who has lost both parents due to death is called an orphan. When referring to animals, only the mother's condition is usuall ...
". is given for the Latin word and for . Similar words recorded later in Old English include , , and . The words are used to denote a connection resulting from the remarriage of a
widow
A widow (female) or widower (male) is a person whose spouse has Death, died.
Terminology
The state of having lost one's spouse to death is termed ''widowhood''. An archaic term for a widow is "relict," literally "someone left over". This word ...
ed parent and are related to the word meaning 'bereaved', with and occasionally used simply as
synonym
A synonym is a word, morpheme, or phrase that means exactly or nearly the same as another word, morpheme, or phrase in a given language. For example, in the English language, the words ''begin'', ''start'', ''commence'', and ''initiate'' are all ...
s for ''orphan''. Words such as ''stepbrother'', ''stepniece'' and ''stepparent'' appeared much later and have no particular connotation of bereavement. Corresponding words in other
Germanic language
The Germanic languages are a branch of the Indo-European language family spoken natively by a population of about 515 million people mainly in Europe, North America, Oceania and Southern Africa. The most widely spoken Germanic language, Engli ...
s include
Old High German
Old High German (OHG; german: Althochdeutsch (Ahd.)) is the earliest stage of the German language, conventionally covering the period from around 750 to 1050.
There is no standardised or supra-regional form of German at this period, and Old High ...
and
Old Norse
Old Norse, Old Nordic, or Old Scandinavian, is a stage of development of North Germanic languages, North Germanic dialects before their final divergence into separate Nordic languages. Old Norse was spoken by inhabitants of Scandinavia and t ...
.
Terminology
A child is referred to as the stepdaughter or stepson of their biological or adoptive parent's new spouse, and the spouse is referred to as the stepparent (father or mother) of the child.
A stepparent is the spouse of someone's parent, and not their biological parent,
stepfather
A stepfather or stepdad is a non-biological male parent married to one's preexisting parent.
A stepfather-in-law is a stepfather of one's spouse. Children from his spouse's previous unions are known as his stepchildren.
Culture
Though less com ...
being the male spouse and
stepmother
A stepmother, stepmum or stepmom is a non-biological female parent married to one's preexisting parent.
A stepmother-in-law is a stepmother of one's spouse. Children from her spouse's previous unions are known as her stepchildren.
Culture
Ste ...
the female spouse.
A step-grandparent is not someone's biological grandparent, stepgrandfather being the male one, and stepgrandmother the female one.
A step-uncle is the spouse of someone's parent's sister (aunt) or brother (uncle) and is not the father of someone's cousin, except when the sibling marries another and never has children (no cousins). The sister's niece/nephew should refer to a new spouse as uncle, not step-uncle. A step-aunt is the spouse of someone's parent's brother (uncle) or sister (aunt) and is not the mother of someone's cousin, except when the sibling marries another and never had children (no cousins). The sister's niece/nephew should refer to the newest spouse as aunt, not step-aunt. Similarly, a stepsibling is the offspring of a stepparent to whom one is not biologically or adoptive related, stepbrother being the male one and stepsister the female one. A stepgrandson is the grandson of someone's spouse who one is not biologically related to. A step-granddaughter is the granddaughter of someone's spouse to whom one is not biologically or adoptive related.
Alternatively, in Australia Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) a "stepparent" in relation to a child, is interpreted as a person who is not a parent of the child; and is, or has been, married to or a de facto partner of, a parent of the child; and treats, or at any time while married to, or a de facto partner of, the parent treated, the child as a member of the family formed with the parent. If one member of the couple has prior children only one member has prior children but the couple have another child together another child together, the "complex"/"blended" designation replaces the "simple" designation upon the birth of the new child. Any subsequent child born to the couple is a
half-sibling
A sibling is a relative that shares at least one parent with the subject. A male sibling is a brother and a female sibling is a sister. A person with no siblings is an only child.
While some circumstances can cause siblings to be raised separat ...
of the respective members' prior children.
Other types of stepfamilies include neotraditional, where both parents share the responsibility of their children, a matriarchal stepfamily, where an independent woman is in charge of the family with the stepfather becoming a mentor, and a romantic stepfamily, where both parents expect the combining of their separate families to run smoothly without realizing any possible issues.
Challenges
According to James Bray, three of the challenges facing a stepfamily are financial and living arrangements, resolving feelings about the previous marriage and anticipating parenting changes.
Research has shown that parents who are constantly fighting with their ex-spouse tend to make their children suffer mentally and emotionally. However, parents who are close with their ex-spouse tend to make their new spouse insecure and anxious.
Additional challenges that a step- or blended family face are those regarding the paternal parents as well as the inherent bond that paternal parents have with their children and vice versa. Stepparents often face significant difficulties when interacting with the paternal parent. Often, paternal parents feel as though the other man or woman will ultimately replace them. This is a common feeling for a parent when faced with the new circumstance of blended families.
Legal status
Although historically stepfamilies are built through the
institution
Institutions are humanly devised structures of rules and norms that shape and constrain individual behavior. All definitions of institutions generally entail that there is a level of persistence and continuity. Laws, rules, social conventions a ...
of marriage and are legally recognized, it is currently unclear if a stepfamily can be both established and recognized by less-formal arrangements, such as when a man or woman with children cohabits with another man or woman outside of marriage. This relationship is becoming more common in all Western countries.
There appear to be many
culture
Culture () is an umbrella term which encompasses the social behavior, institutions, and norms found in human societies, as well as the knowledge, beliefs, arts, laws, customs, capabilities, and habits of the individuals in these groups.Tyl ...
s in which these families are recognized
socially
Social organisms, including human(s), live collectively in interacting populations. This interaction is considered social whether they are aware of it or not, and whether the exchange is voluntary or not.
Etymology
The word "social" derives from ...
as
de facto
''De facto'' ( ; , "in fact") describes practices that exist in reality, whether or not they are officially recognized by laws or other formal norms. It is commonly used to refer to what happens in practice, in contrast with ''de jure'' ("by la ...
families. However, in modern Western culture it is often unclear as to what, if any,
social status
Social status is the level of social value a person is considered to possess. More specifically, it refers to the relative level of respect, honour, assumed competence, and deference accorded to people, groups, and organizations in a society. Stat ...
and protection they enjoy in
law
Law is a set of rules that are created and are enforceable by social or governmental institutions to regulate behavior,Robertson, ''Crimes against humanity'', 90. with its precise definition a matter of longstanding debate. It has been vario ...
.
The stepparent is a "legal stranger" in most of the U.S. and has no legal right to the minor child no matter how involved in the child's life they are. The biological parents (and, where applicable, adoptive parents) hold that privilege and responsibility. If the biological parent does not give up their parental rights and custody of the child, the other parent's subsequent marriage cannot create a parental relationship without the biological parent's written consent before a "child" reaches adulthood. In most cases, the stepparent can not be ordered to pay child support.
Stepparents generally do not have the authority to give legal consent to medical treatment for a stepchild, unless the stepparent has legally adopted the child or been designated a legal guardian. A child's parents or legal guardians may sign a statement authorizing a third party to consent to medical care.
With regard to unmarried couples, one can easily imagine such social and legal recognition, most notably in the case of
common law marriage
Common-law marriage, also known as non-ceremonial marriage, marriage, informal marriage, or marriage by habit and repute, is a legal framework where a couple may be considered married without having formally registered their relation as a civil ...
. Unmarried couples today may also find social recognition locally through
community
A community is a social unit (a group of living things) with commonality such as place, norms, religion, values, customs, or identity. Communities may share a sense of place situated in a given geographical area (e.g. a country, village, tow ...
consensus.
Still, it is not at all clear what formal
parenting
Parenting or child rearing promotes and supports the physical, emotional, social, spiritual and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a ...
roles, rights, responsibilities and social
etiquette
Etiquette () is the set of norms of personal behaviour in polite society, usually occurring in the form of an ethical code of the expected and accepted social behaviours that accord with the conventions and norms observed and practised by a ...
should exist between stepparents and their stepchildren. This often leaves the parents in unexpected conflicts with each other, their former spouses and the children.
For all the confusion which stepparents may feel, it is often even less clear to the stepchildren what the
interpersonal relationships
The concept of interpersonal relationship involves social associations, connections, or affiliations between two or more people. Interpersonal relationships vary in their degree of intimacy or self-disclosure, but also in their duration, in t ...
are, or should be, between themselves and their stepsiblings; between themselves and their stepparent; and even between themselves and their birth parents. These relationships can be extremely complex, especially in circumstances where each stepspouse may bring children of their own to the home or in
households where children are expected to actively participate in each of the newly created families of both birth parents.
Although most stepfamilies can agree on what they do not want to be for one another, they are often hard pressed to agree upon what they do want to be for one another. This makes it difficult for everyone in the family to learn their roles. It is especially difficult for the children, because the roles and expectations of them change as they move between the homes and families of both of their birth parents.
If a stepparent legally adopts the partner's child or children, he or she becomes the child's legal parent. In such cases, the parents may stop using the terms ''stepparent'' and ''stepchild'' and instead refer to the child simply as their son or daughter; depending on the child's degree of affinity for the adoptive parent and/or approval of the legal proceedings culminating in the child's adoption, the child may likewise drop the "step-" designation from his/her description of the relationship. Even when all parties describe the relationship using the terms applied to biological and adoptive families, however, at least some of the emotional and psychological issues common to stepfamilies may or may not persist.
Thus, one possibility is that a stepfamily can be reconfigured, and thanks to the biological and adoptive links could leave the condition of a stepfamily.
Stepparent adoption
United States
In the United States, the most common form of
adoption
Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting of another, usually a child, from that person's biological or legal parent or parents. Legal adoptions permanently transfer all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from ...
is adopting a stepchild. By adopting a stepchild, the stepparent is agreeing to be fully responsible for their spouse's child. The
non-custodial parent
A noncustodial parent is a parent who does not have physical custody of his or her minor child as the result of a court order. When the child lives with only one parent, in a sole custody arrangement, then the parent with which the child lives is t ...
no longer has any rights or responsibilities for the child, including child support.
When a stepparent adopts a stepchild, either the other
biological parent
A parent is a caregiver of the offspring in their own species. In humans, a parent is the caretaker of a child (where "child" refers to offspring, not necessarily age). A ''biological parent'' is a person whose gamete resulted in a child, a male ...
willingly gives up their parental rights to the child, the court terminates those rights, or the other biological parent is deceased. Reasons a court may terminate the non-custodial parent's rights include evidence of abuse or neglect, legal abandonment, or any other indications that a continued relationship between the child and that parent would be detrimental to the child. Grounds for legal child abandonment in most states is no contact between the parent and child for at least one year.
Canada
In
Canada
Canada is a country in North America. Its ten provinces and three territories extend from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean and northward into the Arctic Ocean, covering over , making it the world's second-largest country by tot ...
, one needs to put into writing what the child's circumstances are for being adopted. Some circumstances may include: the child's mental, physical, and emotional welfare, their background, religion, having a positive relationship, etc. If the child is an indigenous person, then the family must specify their plan to keep the child involved in their culture.
Abuse
A common villain of classic fairy tales is the abusive stepmother, like the queen in ''
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" is a 19th-century German fairy tale that is today known widely across the Western world. The Brothers Grimm published it in 1812 in the first edition of their collection ''Grimms' Fairy Tales'' and numbered as T ...
'',
Lady Tremaine
Lady Tremaine is a fictional character who appears in Walt Disney Productions' 12th animated feature film, ''Cinderella'' (1950) and its direct-to-video sequels '' Cinderella II: Dreams Come True'' (2002) and '' Cinderella III: A Twist in Time'' ...
in ''
Cinderella
"Cinderella",; french: link=no, Cendrillon; german: link=no, Aschenputtel) or "The Little Glass Slipper", is a folk tale with thousands of variants throughout the world.Dundes, Alan. Cinderella, a Casebook. Madison, Wis: University of Wisconsi ...
'', or Madame Fichini in ''The Trouble with Sophie'', which shows mother-in-law as cruel. She mistreats her non-biological child by locking them away, or trying to kill them in some cases, and treats her own children, if any, very well. In popular culture, phrases like "I'll beat you like a red-headed stepchild" are uttered as a common threat that show just how aware people are about the assumed nature of stepfamily abuse. The thought is that the nonbiological child is more likely to be beaten because of the lack of kinship ties. The research on this topic shows that this issue is not so clearly defined. The image of the wicked stepmother is well known but much of the research available shows more of the abuse coming from stepfathers.
But on the other hand, in children's stories, it is rare to find a bad father-in-law, yet there are several, such as Charles Francis Mistrane, a bad father-in-law, violent and hateful in the ''Eleonore'' tale, by R.J.P Toreille, published in France in 2018.
Stepfathers have been shown to abuse female stepchildren more than males. They are also shown to be more abusive towards female children than biological families, but less abusive than adoptive fathers. The abuse studied with men in mind tends to focus on physical or sexual abuse of children rather than emotional abuse. Neglect is also discussed as a qualifying method of child abuse by stepparents in general. In 2004 a U.S. study by Weekes and Weekes-Shackelford found that while biological fathers fatally abuse children five and under at a rate of 5.6 per million per year, stepfathers were found to have a rate of 55.9 per million per year. A U.K. study done in 2000 had different results which found that many fewer children responded as being abused by a stepparent. Economic factors could also play a role in the abuse of stepchildren. In places with higher levels of social strain abuse may be more prevalent or more violent. Other studies of census data and child neglect and abuse records have found that stepparents may be over represented in abuse figures. They found that when the data is balanced, the biological parents have a much higher rate of abuse than the stepparents do.
Stepmothers are thought to be less violent in their abuse and instead rely mainly on verbal and emotional abuse.
There is little research in the field of
parental abuse by children
Abuse of parents by their children, also known as child-to-parent violence (CPV), is a form of domestic violence, and is one of the most under-reported and under-researched subject areas in the field of psychology. Parents are quite often subjec ...
in concern with stepchildren abusing stepparents. The abuse of stepchildren by their siblings is also a topic with little research.
In research
In her book, ''Becoming a Stepfamily'', Patricia Papernow (1993) suggests that each stepfamily goes through seven distinct stages of development, which can be divided into the early, middle, and late stages. The early stages consist of the fantasy, immersion, and awareness stages. In the fantasy stage, both children and parents are typically "stuck" in their fantasies or wishes for what their family could be like. The developmental task for this stage is for each member to articulate their wants and needs. In the Immersion stage, the family is typically struggling to live out the fantasy of a "perfect" blended family. In this stage, it is critical for the "insider spouse" (i.e. the biological parent who typically forms the emotional hub of the family) to understand that the feelings of the "outsider spouse" and children are real. The task of this stage is to persist in the struggle to become aware of the various experiences. This stage is followed by the awareness stage, in which the family gathers information about what the new family looks like (e.g., roles, traditions, "family culture") and how each member feels about it. The tasks of this stage are twofold: individual and joint. The individual task is for each member to begin to put words to the feelings they are experiencing, and to voice their needs to other family members. The joint task is for family members to begin to transcend the "experiential gaps" and to try to form an understanding of other members' roles and experiences.
The middle stages consist of the mobilization and action stages. In the mobilization stage, the stepparent can begin to step forward to address the family's process and structure. The tasks of this stage are to confront differences in each member's perception of the new family, as well as to influence one another before shaming or blaming begins to take action to reorganize the family structure. The goal here is to make joint decisions about new stepfamily rituals, rules, and roles. The focus in this stage is on the stepfamily's unique "middle ground" (i.e. the "areas of shared experience, shared values, and easy cooperative functioning created over time," p. 39), and on balancing this new middle ground with honoring of past and other relationships.
The later stages consist of the contact and resolution stages. In the contact stage, the couple is working well together, the boundaries between households are clear, and stepparents have definite roles with stepchildren as "intimate outsiders." The task for this stage is in solidifying the stepparent's role, and in continuing the process of awareness. Finally, in the resolution stage, the stepfamily's identity has become secure. The family accepts itself for who it is, there is a strong sense of the stepfamily's middle ground, and children feel secure in both households. The task for this stage is to nourish the depth and maturity gained through this process, and to rework any issues that might arise at family "nodal events" (e.g., weddings, funerals, graduations, etc.).
In her book, ''Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do'', social researcher
Wednesday Martin
Wendy "Wednesday" Martin is an American author and cultural critic who writes and comments on parenting, step-parenting, female sexuality, motherhood, and popular culture. She has written several books and for ''The New York Times'', ''The Atlan ...
takes an anthropological approach to examining stepfamily dynamics.
Education
The prevalence of stepfamilies has increased over the past century with the increase of divorce and remarriage. According to the Step Family Foundation, "over 50% of US families are remarried or recoupled." These families are unique in their experiences facing many challenges which first-married families do not. For example, role ambiguity, dealing with stepchildren, and ex-spouses are only a few of the issues which are unique to these families. In response to these families' desire for assistance, stepfamily education has become an increasingly common topic among scholars and educators. Although still a relatively new facet within the marriage education realm, stepfamily education provides important information which may not be addressed in traditional marriage or relationship education curriculum. As discussed by Adler-Baeder and Higginbotham (2004) a number of curricula are currently available to stepfamilies and family life educators; however, further research is needed in order to determine best-practices for the field. One way in which this gap is being filled is through the current implementation of Healthy Marriage Demonstration Grants
in the U.S. As part of the Deficit Reduction Act of 2005, grants for healthy marriage and responsible fatherhood, which include at-risk and diverse populations such as stepfamilies, are providing important information on the evaluation of stepfamily programs and their effectiveness in servicing stepfamilies.
See also
*
Half-sibling
A sibling is a relative that shares at least one parent with the subject. A male sibling is a brother and a female sibling is a sister. A person with no siblings is an only child.
While some circumstances can cause siblings to be raised separat ...
*
Cinderella effect
In evolutionary psychology, the Cinderella effect is the phenomenon of higher incidence of different forms of child abuse and mistreatment by stepparents than by biological parents. It takes its name from the fairy tale character Cinderella, whi ...
*
Phaedra complex The Phaedra complex (pronounced ) is an informal, non-scientific designation to the sexual desire of a stepmother for her stepson, though the term has been extended to cover difficult relationships between stepparents and stepchildren in general.
O ...
Notes
References
*
Warner, Marina. ''From the Beast to the Blonde: On Fairy Tales and Their Tellers'',
*Tatar, Maria. ''The Hard Facts of the Grimms' Fairy Tales'',
*Tatar, Maria. ''The Annotated Classic Fairy Tales'',
Further reading
*LeBey, Barbara (2004). ''Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family''. New York: Bantam.
*
Martin, Wednesday, PhD (2009). ''Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do''. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
*Papernow, Patricia L. (1993). ''Becoming a Stepfamily: Patterns of Development in Remarried Families''. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
*Ulrike Zartler, Valerie Heinz-Martin, Oliver Arránz Becker (Eds.) (2015). ''Family Dynamics After Separation: A Life Course Perspective on Post-Divorce Families''. Special Issue ZfF, Volume 10, Barbara Budrich, .
External links
*
{{Authority control
Family
Adoption, fostering, orphan care and displacement