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Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive to defend a right point of view or a relevant statement. In the field of
psychology Psychology is the science, scientific study of mind and behavior. Psychology includes the study of consciousness, conscious and Unconscious mind, unconscious phenomena, including feelings and thoughts. It is an academic discipline of immens ...
and
psychotherapy Psychotherapy (also psychological therapy, talk therapy, or talking therapy) is the use of psychological methods, particularly when based on regular personal interaction, to help a person change behavior, increase happiness, and overcome pro ...
, it is a skill that can be learned and a mode of communication. ''
Dorland's Medical Dictionary ''Dorland's'' is the brand name of a family of medical reference works (including dictionaries, spellers and word books, and spell-check software) in various media spanning printed books, CD-ROMs, and online content. The flagship products are ''Do ...
'' defines assertiveness as: :"a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view." Assertiveness is a communication skill that can be taught and the skills of assertive communication effectively learned. Assertiveness is a method of critical thinking, where an individual speaks up in defense of their views or in light of erroneous information. Assertive people are able to be outspoken and analyze information and point out areas of information lacking substance, details or evidence. Assertiveness supports creative thinking and effective communication. The level of assertiveness demonstrated in any human community is a factor of social and cultural practices at the time of inquiry. These factors can evolve with time and may vary from a community to another one. For example, nowadays, in the western world, there are global public discussions about controversial topics such as drug addiction, rape and sexual abuse of women and children, which were not openly discussed in 1940. During the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out as a behavioral skill taught by many
personal development Personal development or self improvement consists of activities that develop a person's capabilities and potential, build human capital, facilitate employability, and enhance quality of life and the realization of dreams and aspirations. Person ...
experts, behavior therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. Assertiveness is often linked to
self-esteem Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth or abilities. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, "I am loved", "I am worthy") as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. Smith and Mackie (2007) d ...
. The term and concept was popularized to the general public by books such as ''Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior'' (1970) by Robert Eating


Training

Joseph Wolpe initially explored the use of assertiveness as a means of " reciprocal inhibition" of anxiety, in his 1958 book on treating neurosis; and it has since been commonly employed as an intervention in
behavior therapy Behaviour therapy or behavioural psychotherapy is a broad term referring to clinical psychotherapy that uses techniques derived from behaviourism and/or cognitive psychology. It looks at specific, learned behaviours and how the environment, or ...
. Assertiveness Training ("AT") was introduced by Andrew Salter (1961) and popularized by Joseph Wolpe. Wolpe's belief was that a person could not be both assertive and anxious at the same time, and thus being assertive would inhibit anxiety. The goals of assertiveness training include: * increased awareness of personal rights * differentiation between non-assertiveness and assertiveness * differentiation between passive–aggressiveness and aggressiveness * learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness skills. As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, including their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators are not likely to try to influence anyone else because they fear social conflict. Because of this fear, passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries or ideas, and thus allow aggressive people to
abuse Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other t ...
or manipulate them. Additionally, they often hold in negative feelings such as anger because they allow this domination to happen. Aggressive people do not
respect Respect, also called esteem, is a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important or held in high esteem or regard. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. It is also the process of ...
the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others by influencing them through personal attacks often taking the form of embarrassment. A person communicates assertively by clearly stating their thoughts and/or feelings in a nonaggressive manner, often in an effort to influence others; doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of the other person, or people, involved and avoids negative confrontation. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive people.


Communication

Assertive communication involves respect for the boundaries of oneself and others. It also presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through
cooperation Cooperation (written as co-operation in British English) is the process of groups of organisms working or acting together for common, mutual, or some underlying benefit, as opposed to working in competition for selfish benefit. Many animal a ...
. According to the textbook ''Cognitive Behavior Therapy'' (2008), "Assertive communication of personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive responses". Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but in a way that will not spiral into aggression". If others' actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent escalation. In contrast, "aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences, stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries. At the opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous indignation. Assertive communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person". Aggressive and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end, and reduce self-respect.


Characteristics

Assertive people tend to have the following characteristics: * They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires. * They are "also able to initiate and maintain comfortable relationships with therpeople" * They know their rights. * They have control over their anger. This does not mean that they repress this feeling. It means that they control anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner. * "Assertive people ... are willing to compromise with others, rather than always wanting their own way ... and tend to have good self-esteem".


Techniques

Techniques of assertiveness can vary widely. Manuel Smith, in his 1975 book ''When I Say No, I Feel Guilty'', (various editions) offered some of the following behaviors:


Broken record

The "broken record" technique consists of simply repeating your requests or your refusals every time you are met with resistance. The term comes from
vinyl record A phonograph record (also known as a gramophone record, especially in British English), or simply a record, is an analog sound storage medium in the form of a flat disc with an inscribed, modulated spiral groove. The groove usually starts ne ...
s, the surface of which when scratched would lead the needle of a record player to loop over the same few seconds of the recording indefinitely. "As with a broken record, the key to this approach is repetition ... where your partner will not take no for an answer." A disadvantage with this technique is that when resistance continues, your requests may lose power every time you have to repeat them. If the requests are repeated too often, it can backfire on the authority of your words. In these cases, it is necessary to have some sanctions on hand.


Fogging

Fogging consists of finding some limited truth to agree with in what an antagonist is saying. More specifically, one can ''agree in part'' or ''agree in principle''.


Negative inquiry

Negative inquiry consists of requesting further, more specific criticism.


Negative assertion

Negative assertion is agreement with criticism without letting up demand.


I-statements

I-statements can be used to voice one's feelings and wishes from a personal position without expressing a judgment about the other person or blaming one's feelings on them.


Applications

Several research studies have identified assertiveness training as a useful tool in the prevention of alcohol-use disorders. Psychological skills in general including assertiveness and
social skills A social skill is any competence facilitating interaction and communication with others where social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning these skills is called soci ...
have been posed as intervention for a variety of disorders with some empirical support. In connection with gender theory, " Tannen argues that men and women would both benefit from learning to use the others' style. ... So, women would benefit from assertiveness training just as men might benefit from sensitivity training".


Challenges

Assertiveness may be practiced in an unbalanced way, especially by those new to the process: " neproblem with the concept of assertiveness is that it is both complex and situation-specific. ... Behaviors that are assertive in one circumstance may not be so in another". More particularly, while "unassertiveness courts one set of problems, over-assertiveness creates another." Assertiveness manuals recognize that "many people, when trying out assertive behavior for the first time, find that they go too far and become aggressive." In the late 1970's and early 1980's, in the heyday of assertiveness training, some so-called assertiveness training techniques were distorted and "people were told to do some pretty obnoxious things in the name of assertiveness. Like blankly repeating some request over and over until you got your way". Divorced from respect for the rights of others, so-called assertiveness techniques could be psychological tools that might be readily abused: The line between repeatedly demanding with sanctions ("broken record") versus coercive
nagging Nagging, in interpersonal communication, is repetitious behaviour in the form of pestering, hectoring, harassing, or otherwise continuously urging an individual to complete previously discussed requests or act on advice. The word is derived from th ...
, emotional blackmail, or
bullying Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception (by the bully or by others) of an ...
, could be a fine one, and the caricature of assertiveness training as "training in how to get your own way ... or how to become as aggressive as the next person"Sue Bishop, ''Develop Your Assertiveness'' (2006) p. 13 was perpetuated.


See also

* Persuasive writing


References


Further reading

* Alberti, Robert E. & Emmons, Michael L. ''Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships''. 2001 * Bower, S.A. & Bower, G.H. ''Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change''. 1991 * Davidson, Jeff. ''The Complete Idiot's Guide to Assertiveness''. 1997 * Dyer, Wayne W. ''Pulling Your Own Strings''. 1978 * Lloyd, Sam R. ''Developing Positive Assertiveness: Practical Techniques for Personal Success''. 2001 * Milne Pamela E. ''The People Skills Revolution: A Step-by-Step Approach to Developing Sophisticated People Skills'', Global Professional Publishing 2011 * Paterson, Randy J. ''The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships''. 2000 * Smith, M. J. ''When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.'' 1975


External links


Assertiveness – Definition and Elements

Relationship Problems: Assertiveness

Assertiveness and Assertiveness Training

Assertiveness Training Modules
{{Nonverbal communication Human behavior Interpersonal communication Personal development